Random Thoughts From Inside The Basket

Wow...

2011-08-03T16:53:00.000-07:00

Haven't been here in a while. I miss blogging-now that I have a job that actually requires me to work I have zero time. My life has changed dramatically the last few weeks-not sure if it's for the better yet, but I have a feeling everything will be ok.

I'm learning a lot-not only about myself on an emotional level, but also my ability to handle normal things in life, like paying bills, working a budget, etc...

Anyway, all is well, and today is a good day.

Random

2011-05-14T17:07:00.001-07:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

2 things...

2011-04-03T17:36:00.000-07:00

#1-I really, really, REALLY thought I would take those whole aging shiz better than I am. New wrinkle? No bueno....Mid-life crisis in 3....2....

#2-I really thought that at some point I would get used to the physical side of my new job. Again, no bueno.

So, I shall sleep, because apparently that's what I do now.

That's what she said....

2011-03-19T17:15:00.001-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

There she is!

2011-03-19T17:08:00.001-07:00

And she's awake!

I can't even keep up with my life anymore...is this what it means to be in your 40's?

I get up, go to work, come home, do chores, in bed by 8, and start the whole cycle over. WAY too old for this shit....but....

I have really noticed myself becoming more..me...since I started this job. I no longer have an office to hide in, I actually have to deal with a shit ton of people on a daily basis. I've improved my social skills so much that I spent 3 hours at the mall recently and did NOT have a panic attack! Go me!

Now if I could just stay awake long enough to enjoy it.

Friday Funny

2011-02-04T17:12:00.001-08:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

And the winner is.....nice Lula!

2011-01-22T18:32:00.000-08:00

I had the following discussion today via text-

Random person:We're partying tonight!

Me: Who is this?

Random person: It's Allie.

Since I don't know an Allie, I decided to ignore it. Wrong number.

A few hours later-

Allie: So, what's going on tonight?

Me: I'm sorry, I don't know who you are.

Allie: Fuck you.

Me: Fuck you!

At this point I said to Hubbs "Who does she think I am, the random guy she fucked last night?"

A few minutes later-

Allie: I guess I'm not getting naked for you.

Boy was I wanting to mess with this girls head! But I just couldn't, too much.

Me: I didn't know naked was an option. Let me check with my husband.

Allie: I'm guessing this isn't Zach messing with me.

Me: No hon. You have the wrong number. But be safe in whatever you do.

Allie: Yeah....

Poor girl. All I could picture was her screwing some guy and him giving her a fake phone number. But-haha! I had to laugh.

I am easily amused.

Friday Funny

2010-12-24T10:15:00.001-08:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Oh yeah...

2010-12-21T18:15:00.000-08:00

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Random Funny

2010-12-19T16:51:00.000-08:00

Cause I totally lost Friday....

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Friday Funny

2010-12-10T17:04:00.000-08:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I'm baaaaaacccccccckkkkkkkkk!

2010-12-06T16:56:00.000-08:00

I am once again a productive member of society. First full day on the job, and I am so happy I could just spit! It feels so good to have a reason to get up and dressed every morning, to have work to do and responsibility.

I swear in more ways than one, losing that stupid job was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Happy, HAPPY Monday!!

I know, I'm twisted

2010-12-04T12:27:00.000-08:00

via

And so it ends....

2010-12-03T15:36:00.000-08:00

Holy frickin cow I found a job! And I start tomorrow!

So random too-Hubbs sent me a link to a job that had been posted 3 weeks ago-not sure how I missed it, but somehow I did. Sent my resume yesterday, they called me today for an interview, and I was hired on the spot! I swear, I have never been so happy. It's such a huge weight off my shoulders, you have no idea.

Go me!!!!!

Friday Funny

2010-12-03T07:10:00.001-08:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Thursday already?

2010-12-02T14:18:00.000-08:00

This past week has FLOWN by. Part of it is due to the fact that I fell very far off the primal wagon Thanksgiving, then spent the next 5 days with a stomach bug. Or a carb bug. Whatever it was, I am just now starting to feel normal again.

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One of my dearest friends had been battling uterine and cervical cancer. She had a check up about 2 weeks ago, and they found more cancer cells. Surgery was scheduled for the week before Christmas-she was not happy. But, she had to have a procedure last week, they did another biopsy, and voila! No cancer cells were found. She still has to have surgery, but now there is no panicky rush to get it done-she can wait till after the new year. Pretty happy about that.

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I found not one but TWO jobs to apply for yesterday. Made me feel productive there for a minute.

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I had my yearly (well for me, bi-yearly because I keep blowing them off) mammogram. I'm proud of myself for finally getting it over with. Ladies, check the ta-ta's!

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And finally, we have a very busy weekend coming up. Hubbs is fixing my brakes Friday, taking a look at a friend's car Saturday, we're hanging Christmas lights (trying to keep Scrooge in check even though times are tough), and we have a family project to re-arrange the garage. Hubbs got another side job rebuilding an engine and we need to make room for the damn thing. He's been working his ass off between his full time job and any side job he can get. And all I do is bitch because I'm lonely and bored. Well, that's an exaggeration but that's how I feel. Poor pitiful Pearl.

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Happy Thursday!

Friday Funny

2010-11-26T13:45:00.001-08:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Wasn't ready for this!

2010-11-23T08:38:00.000-08:00

And our overnight forecast? 7 frickin degrees.

Happy Tuesday!

And that is why they voted no....

2010-11-19T15:41:00.000-08:00

I just had the following conversation with my friend B-

Me: You know they are cutting off the extended unemployment benefits right?

B: What? That's it? That's all we get?

Me: Dick! You've been on it for 3 years and have turned down jobs. I'm actually trying, every day, to find a job and have been offered nothing.

B: Yeah well, I guess I should quit smoking pot.

Grrrrr...........

Friday Funny

2010-11-19T04:54:00.000-08:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Just because

2010-11-12T18:12:00.001-08:00

Click to make it big, ass

Friday Funny

2010-11-12T06:39:00.000-08:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Best weekend EVER!

2010-11-09T13:18:00.000-08:00

You know you had a good time when you're still sleeping it off 3 days later...

We danced, drank, met up with a friend of mine I've known since I was 12 (just a few short years ago, HA!)soaked in the jacuzzi, ate delicious food. I really feel like the Hubbs and I connected. All in all, a wonderful time, and worth every bit of it!

Guess what???

2010-11-05T06:23:00.000-07:00

Just because

2010-11-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

Wow.

2010-11-01T08:17:00.001-07:00

I had an excellent weekend with my husband, and get this-there was no booze involved! I'm on medication that strictly prohibits drinking. At first I panicked-how will I ever make it through a weekend without booze? Not only did we make it, it was awesome.

We camped in the living room and had a movie marathon-a couple of Hitchcock flicks, an indie flick or two-we even watched an old Tracy-Hepburn movie that we both really enjoyed.

Done with the meds on Wednesday-just in time for my big birthday weekend! A friend of ours got us a jacuzzi suite at one of the casinos this weekend-for free! It's the best gift EVER considering I'm still unemployed. I'm calling it Boozebubblebangfest 2010!

It feels good to have something to look forward to. And catching up on sleep/Hubbs time this past weekend has done wonders for my depression. I actually feel human today!

Friday Funny

2010-10-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

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Friday Funny

2010-10-22T05:54:00.001-07:00

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Friday Funny

2010-10-08T13:36:00.000-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I hate people

2010-10-06T14:01:00.000-07:00

Especially Wal-Mart people. What the hell kind of self entitled bitch is mean to a Wal-Mart greeter? Jesus, their average age is 102. Bitch.

I already had to practically scream "Excuse me" twice because bitch stopped in the aisle so she could talk on her cell phone. I'm sure she's the same way in her car.

Rant over.

Facebook explained

2010-10-06T14:00:00.000-07:00

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Friday fucking haha

2010-10-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I really did LOL!

2010-09-30T10:19:00.001-07:00

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Poke

2010-09-24T16:28:00.000-07:00

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

So blog, we meet again...

2010-09-24T15:14:00.000-07:00

I'm sure all 1 of my readers can tell I'm just not into this anymore. I'm not sure why-this used to be my go to place to empty my head and feel better. Now, with the way I've been feeling, it seems too....real. Like, if I write down what I'm feeling that will make it real and I will have to deal with it.

So who knows. I may keep it up, I may just take a big break, I may totally quit. Time will tell. But, to all 1 of you, thank you for reading. With any luck I'll find my random voice again and be able to empty my head as needed.

Friday Funny

2010-09-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

This means YOU

2010-09-17T16:04:00.001-07:00

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Friday Funny

2010-09-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

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The sads

2010-09-13T17:22:00.000-07:00

For quite a while now I have had the same dream on repeat-one way or the other I am unable to get home, for various reasons, and need to call someone for help. I finally looked it up tonight-

"To dream that you cannot find your way home, indicates that you have lost faith and belief in yourself. It may also signify a major transition in your life. "

It makes me sad to realize that so much of myself was wrapped up in a stupid job I hated anyway.

Nobody stands....

2010-09-11T23:28:00.000-07:00

between me and my man.....

I'm on a roll...a pizza roll, stupid face!

2010-09-11T21:16:00.000-07:00

see more Very Demotivational

Holy shit this made me laugh and laugh....ok, I may be slightly tipsy.

Wirecutter's USA

2010-09-11T21:12:00.000-07:00

see more Very Demotivational

This guy!!!

2010-09-11T21:01:00.001-07:00

see more Lol Celebs

Son of a bitch

2010-09-11T20:42:00.000-07:00

Just realized it's 9/11. Why yes, I have been living under a rock, thanks for asking.

It's actually a quite heavy rock, weighed down with things such as "unemployment", "depression", and "am I a good parent?"

I'm bummed that I spaced this day and didn't take part in Project 2,996 like I did last year.

To all we lost, you will never be forgotten.

Say what?

2010-09-11T20:35:00.000-07:00

So all week long I have had the phrase "vagina wags" in my head. I couldn't figure out where the hell I had heard such a thing. Lamebook? The Bloggess?

This morning I said to Hubbs "I have the phrase vagina wags stuck in my head and I can't figure out what the hell it's from."

"Don't you remember when we took our mini vacay to Winnemucca and we were drunk, walking back to the hotel, and we rearranged the sign advertising that night's band and meal special? All we could come up with was vagina wags."

Good times man. Good times.

Friday Funny

2010-09-10T07:38:00.001-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Extra funny

2010-09-03T07:44:00.000-07:00

see more Very Demotivational

Heavy sigh....

2010-09-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

There are no jobs in this town. None. If I'm lucky, I maybe find 1 a week that I'm qualified for. And no luck so far. I've never not been offered a job I've interviewed for, so this has been a little damaging to my self esteem. I'm trying very hard to embrace my inner housewife, but jesus. I want to work!

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My daughter-in-law's mother died. She was an awesome woman. She was a mother to my son, and she worked hard at keeping her family together. She had a talk with my son, regarding some anger he had towards me, and she told him "You need to grow up. Maybe your mom does too, but you need to grow up. Family is the most important thing, and you have to let go of past hurts." I have her to thank for my son wanting to build our relationship again. She will be missed.

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Youngest is still grounded. Mr. thinks he can smoke. But he won a scholarship to a weekend camp a while back, so he'll be gone this weekend. Give Hubbs and I a chance to spend some time together. Much needed time, I might add.

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Several years back, when I wasn't working, I kind of started flipping out. It culminated one day when I destroyed my house and tried to stab myself in the arm. Crazy bitch. Anyway, I felt myself slipping back into that kind of crazy. But once I decided to embrace my inner housewife, those feelings lessened. Make the best of my situation I suppose.

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And on that note, have a wonderful holiday weekend!

Friday Funny

2010-09-03T06:51:00.000-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Love

2010-08-31T07:49:00.001-07:00

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Friday Funny

2010-08-26T21:52:00.000-07:00

fill up this bowl fuckface!

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

So....

2010-08-26T19:49:00.001-07:00

remember a few months ago when we took in one of Youngest's friends? Because she was left home alone, blah blah blah? Apparently not only is she the one who turned him on to smoking, she was also stealing from us. Lighters, cigarettes, etc... I had the urge to call her mom, but fuck it. Mom was the one who left her home alone for 2 months, will she really care or believe this new turn of events? It still breaks my heart though-I opened my home to you and you steal from me?

Youngest has been a full time smoker for several months now. As of today, him and I have both quit. And he's feeling it, as am I. But you know what? Even though he can't legally smoke, I feel like an asshole making him quit while I'm still smoking. So there you have it.

Hopefully there will be no blood shed in the next few days.

What. The. Fuck.

2010-08-24T09:17:00.000-07:00

So my brilliant child, in his infinite wisdom, had decided to smoke. He's 14.

I was smelling cigarette smoke in the house and I couldn't figure out why. I asked him, and he denied denied denied.

He went camping with friends yesterday, and after he left Hubbs called me and said there was a pack of cigarettes missing from his purchase the night before.

So I tossed his room. And what did I find? 2 empty packs of cigs, our missing white lighter, and his ashtray. Which is a metal coin bank that belonged to my dead mother. My dead mother!

I know kids do as we do and not as we say, but he has seen me struggle with quitting. What in the name of all that is holy would even make him think this was a good idea?

He'll be home this evening, and boy is he in for a big surprise. I already took his computer out of his room, and I'll be taking his cell phone as well. And of course, grounded until we decide he's not anymore. I'm not even giving him a time frame.

Silly fucker.

I know I shouldn't feel guilty, kids experiment, and even kids that have parents who don't smoke pick up the habit. But I do. I really, really do.

Friday Funny

2010-08-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Holy shit I'm late with this....

2010-08-13T17:49:00.000-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

What the f?

2010-08-10T09:16:00.001-07:00

My brother has been in a horrible accident. He wrecked his Harley and is currently in ICU with a collapsed lung, damage to his spleen, a broken collarbone, and a broken thumb. And of course, severe road rash.

Healthy thoughts please.

Friday Funny

2010-08-06T08:24:00.000-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Ha!

2010-08-05T11:20:00.000-07:00

via

Blah.

2010-08-05T11:10:00.001-07:00

You think I'd be posting more with all this time on my hands.

I interviewed for 2 jobs-was told by one "Unfortunately we can't utilize the talent of all the applicants blah blah blah"

The second one, the one I really thought I nailed? Haven't heard a word. Not even a callback saying they hired someone else. I don't understand.

Hubbs says we'll be ok, cutting out drinking and him doing side jobs, until I do find a job. But COME ON. I am not a sit in the house all day kind of person. I want to work. I enjoy working. I enjoy contributing to the household budget.

Sadly, the job market here is FUCKED. I check the job postings every day, and there hasn't been shit.

So, BLAH.

Friday Funny

2010-07-30T09:31:00.001-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Friday Funny

2010-07-23T09:41:00.001-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Patience

2010-07-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

is something I have very little of. I'm in the running for two jobs, which is good, but the waiting game is killing me! I want to know NOW. On the plus side, my house has never been cleaner.

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I'm very angry at the Catholic church. I'm not a fan of organized religion anyway, but this nonsense of comparing women in the clergy to be just as much of a crime as the sexual abuse of children is really fucking pissing me off.

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I've been cruising along the past several days not missing beer one bit. Then yesterday I had the crave bad. Might as well get it out of my system, right?

WRONG.

I feel like an asshole. Spending money on booze is a stupid thing to do. And I have a headache. But again, on the plus side, it made me realize how much I really wasn't missing it. So, back on track.

Besides, no longer working at a candy factory combined with not drinking and the weight is just melting off of me!

Fine....because Friday is good after all

2010-07-16T19:27:00.001-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Friday not so funny

2010-07-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

I got laid off yesterday.

So, dont?

2010-07-14T08:55:00.001-07:00

Saying I can't handle the stress of job security anymore really made me realize to just stop stressing over it. So I lose my job-so what? I've hated it here for a while, and who knows what windows of opportunity will open up for me?

So I'm over it. I'll just do what I can to keep myself occupied during the day, and keep my eyes peeled for other opportunities.

Feeling content in 3...2....

Just when you thought it was safe.....

2010-07-13T15:17:00.000-07:00

There I was, cruising along with a deep feeling of happiness and contentment, when BOOM! It blows right up.

I totally can not handle the stress of wondering about my job anymore. I just can't. And I am constantly on the look out for a new job, and unless I want to take a cut in pay there is nothing. It's so frustrating. Do I abandon the ship before it sinks? Or stay loyal and hang in there until the last minute?

It doesn't help that there is an arrogant douchebag here that I'm pretty sure is stabbing me in the back at every moment. He took my work from me today, then an hour later when I DID MY JOB he acted like I was supposed to ask him permission or something.

It also doesn't help that Hubbs is home sick today so I am left alone with my own thoughts and to drive me insane.

I know we can and will handle whatever comes out way, but this anxiety is killing me.

Friday funny

2010-07-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

And at the center of it all.....

2010-07-08T16:46:00.001-07:00

Therapy

2010-07-07T16:16:00.000-07:00

is god damn amazing by the way. My therapist is on maternity leave right now, and I can't WAIT for her to get back so I can share my progress!

This past weekend, when going out with Youngest, I almost had a panic attack-once in the theater, and once on the way to the restaurant.

I used the techniques I've been taught, and presto! No panic attack. That's not to say I wasn't nervous and shaky but I was able to get myself under control enough to enjoy my day.

I also just got back from taking Youngest to the airport. Not only did I get him on his plane without crying and freaking out, I sat BY MYSELF until his plane took off. Then I walked BY MYSELF through the airport, to my car, and came back to work. In past years, not only would I start drinking somewhere during this drama, there is no way in hell I could have done it alone. Or gone back to work.

Pretty god damn proud of myself right now!

Happy!

2010-07-07T08:26:00.000-07:00

I have been so damn happy lately. I spent the weekend with my family-making delicious food, going to the movies and lunch with Youngest, watching fireworks, etc... I must have looked at them about 100 times this weekend and said "I'm just so happy!"

Of course, that must come to a screeching halt.

I received a text this morning from someone very close to me-the wife is cheating.

I'm crushed! I really am. I don't know what to do or say to help. I love them both, and I'm trying not to be judgy, but what the fuck? I can't even wrap my brain around that level of disrespect.

Anyway, I'm going to try hard to keep my spirits up, but I really am very sad. It's such a helpless feeling too-there really is nothing I can do but be here for him. I can't even imagine the pain and heartbreak.

Stupid, stupid girl.

Random funnies

2010-07-02T09:48:00.001-07:00

Friday Funny

2010-07-02T09:47:00.001-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Time to recharge

2010-06-29T15:02:00.000-07:00

I have been fucking up in about 9 thousand kinds of ways lately, and my mental and physical health are both suffering. I need to recharge, and pay attention to what my mind and body need. Not want-need.

Wish me luck, self-awareness, and wisdom.

Friday Funny

2010-06-25T08:01:00.000-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Ok, ASS.

2010-06-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

Time to buck up and get my shit together. I've had the poor me's for too long now, and I'm over it.

I want to be lean and toned like I was last summer. I've gained 5 pounds, and I can really feel it. I've lost my workout/eat right mojo-but I figure if I just pretend I have it eventually it will come back to me. Fake it till you make it, right?

I want to not drink as much. Hmmm, how do I accomplish that? I know-drink less! I'm having a party Saturday that involves margaritas (which I actually wish I hadn't promised everyone now) but other than that, I don't see a lot of booze in my future. It damages my self esteem, it makes me feel fat, it increases my anxiety, and it makes me feel like a bad parent/wife/friend. And it costs money. Where is the fun in that?

I've been too depressed to do things I usually enjoy, like trim my rose bushes or give myself a pedicure. So last night I made myself trim the damn roses anyway, and this weekend I will be taking some time out for myself with things like a pedi and making some healthy foods I've been wanting to try.

Seriously, depression is a bad bad thing. You put off things you actually care about because you're too down in the dumps to give a shit, then it makes you feel worse about yourself for procrastinating.

Again, fake it till you make it!

Monday, I thought I would hate you less

2010-06-21T10:43:00.001-07:00

I was really looking forward to starting this week off with a new attitude. Alas, those hopes were thrown to the floor and smashed with a hammer when I realized my face is swollen AGAIN, which makes this the 3rd god damned time this year my sinus has been infected. I have never had a sinus infection in my life, and suddenly I have 3 in less than 6 months? WHAT. THE. FUCK. Still trying to stay positive. I think I'll give the old Neti Pot a try. If I can do that without puking maybe I won't need antibiotics.

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Daughter was picked up Friday night. Still can't figure the mom out. Mentally ill? Drugs? I'm having her over for drinks Saturday, hopefully I can get some insight then.

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My therapist is now on maternity leave, so I'm on my own until October. This should be interesting.....

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Happy fucking Monday!

Or my cats

2010-06-18T15:51:00.001-07:00

Friday funny

2010-06-18T08:39:00.001-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I'm depressed and I hate everything.

2010-06-15T11:04:00.001-07:00

Slightly over dramatic, but still.

Daughter is going back to her mother this weekend. She does not want to go, not at all. She told us that her mother never wanted to be a parent before and she doesn't understand why she is trying now. She also told her mother that she wanted to stay, because we treat her like a real family.

I tried to explain that maybe her mom really does want to try, and she should at least give her a chance.

I honestly don't know what the hell is up with her mom. She wanted to pick the kids up Saturday night at 10:30 so they could help her "alphabetize the movies."

Ummm, what?

I asked her "Don't you think it would be better to let them get some sleep tonight then go help you tomorrow as originally planned?"

She flipped her SHIT. "That's my daughter and you can't tell me whether or not I can pick her up."

I said "That's not what I said, and of course I can't, I have no right to tell you that and I never would."

I did refuse to let Youngest go though, then it turned into a huge 2 day fight between daughter and her mother. And she never did pick them up, that night or the next day as she had planned.

Anyway, she has suddenly decided to take daughter back. I don't even know what to think about this woman, I really don't. Tweaker? Drunk? What?

Do you know she's never even been inside my house to see where her daughter lives? She's never once thanked me or offered to help with expenses these past few months? And what, she didn't care that the girl was home alone for 3 months, but now that somebody cares about her and is providing a safe stable environment she takes her back?

All I can do is always be here for her. I told her she can come over anytime she wants, and we will always love her.

I will miss her very much.

Friday Funny

2010-06-11T08:31:00.001-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Now you know why my hands are fucked up...

2010-06-08T13:10:00.000-07:00

It's Monday!

2010-06-07T11:38:00.000-07:00

And I don't feel like killing anybody!

We had a great weekend. Youngest took a trip to Six Flags, Daughter stayed home with us and helped us entertain 2 dear friends we haven't seen in a while. Had a bbq, which progressed into a water balloon fight with the neighbor girls down the street. Just silliness, but sometimes that is just what a body needs.

And now we go into our phase of not drinking. I'll be happy if we make it through this weekend just to break the cycle. It's time for self defense class again, so not drinking Friday is a given. I'm a little worried about coming home all pumped up on Saturday and wanting a beer or two, but I can be strong.

Besides, I will reward myself with food!

Book Review

2010-06-04T10:53:00.000-07:00

Eat, Drink, and Be From Mississippi by Nanci Kincaid

Again, this was a book I couldn't put down the first 3/4 of it, then I had to force myself to finish to find out what happens.

2 siblings move from Mississippi to California, make their fortunes, find love, lose love, then meet a young black man from the streets who changes everything.

Predictable and cliche.

Let's review......

2010-06-04T10:39:00.000-07:00

I spent the majority of this week feeling like shit. Not sure why. But, AGAIN, after this weekend we're going to give laying off the booze the old college try. I've pretty much felt like shit for 20 years-sick of it. If I all of a sudden feel great all the time we'll know why won't we? Though I still find it hard to believe that drinking my ass off on the weekend can still make me feel bad at the end of the week.

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I've been invited to participate in an on-line community for book lovers-reviews, etc...My first thought was "Have you read any of my book reviews?". I'm going to investigate further on Sunday and see if it's something I'd like to do. The worse that can happen is....what? People I don't know will not like what I write? I throw that out there every day!

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I told my therapist about Daughter, and apparently the way she was living is a reportable offense. So either I had to report it, or she did. But either way it had to be done because of the danger of my Dr. losing her license. I said "No offense, but I knew I shouldn't have told you." Then I called CPS. They don't even care. They recommended I get a medical release in case something happens, but other than that they don't give a shit. That was one of the hardest phone calls I've ever had to make. I really believe therapy is paying off for me. I'm so brave!

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Youngest received two awards last night for his super high grade point average-one from his school, and one from the President's Council on Achievement in Education or something to that effect. Even came with a form letter from the office of Obama himself....... he was very excited, and we are so damn proud of that kid. I really think he'll go far and live a wonderful life.

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Started smoking again, like an asshole. I haven't decided when yet, but a quit date is looming. Again. Stupid girl....

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Have a great weekend!

Friday Funny

2010-06-04T08:12:00.000-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

And this is just what I needed!

2010-06-03T11:13:00.000-07:00

Blah blah blah

2010-06-03T10:59:00.000-07:00

I feel like shit. I don't know if this past weekend really ran me down that much or what but I feel like total shit. I'm overwhelmed, I'm tired, my body aches, and I could cry right this very minute.

That is all.

Mmm, cheeses......

2010-05-27T13:34:00.001-07:00

via

Holy crap balls!

2010-05-27T11:44:00.001-07:00

It's my Friday!

2010-05-27T09:30:00.001-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

It's a girl!

2010-05-24T14:21:00.000-07:00

Youngest has a friend, we'll call her Daughter. Daughter's mom is....honestly, I don't even know what to say. The mom moved in with her boyfriend and left Daughter home alone to fend for herself. Well, she dropped off groceries once a week. Daughter also has a 16 year old sister that was left at home too-she just moved in with her boyfriend.

I understand people going through hard times, and getting all whacked in the head about their new man, but COME ON. Daughter is 14 years old! I asked her what she ate for lunch and do you know what she said? "Friend's food."

So she lives with us now. Her mom said "I don't want people thinking I'm a bad mother who just abandoned my daughter."

And you know, I'm trying not to be judgy. When it comes to not being able to take care of your kids I am the last person in the world to make that judgment call. But something about this is just rubbing me the wrong way, and I'm not sure what it is.

And I'm scared. I'm afraid we can't afford it, I'm afraid I'm going to get attached and some B.S. is going to happen. I'm afraid the mom is coming for her in a month, and I'm afraid the mom won't come for her at all.

But after seeing the inside of her house and hearing the stories of how she just basically lives alone, there is no way in hell we could have let that go on.

Friday Funny 2

2010-05-21T13:45:00.000-07:00

via

Friday Funny

2010-05-21T08:10:00.001-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Slogging along.....

2010-05-18T10:50:00.001-07:00

I've resigned myself to the fact that life flies by, and will continue to do so. I'm no longer shocked when suddenly it's Friday and I'm getting ready to start another weekend. Then, just as suddenly, it's Monday and time to go back to work. Before you know it, I'll be old and gray and wondering where the hell it all went.

Anyhoo......

Youngest has had no more problems at school as of now. Attacker is still suspended, until Thursday I believe. A 10 day suspension and some time in juvenile hall, plus an upcoming court date. Hopefully that's enough for the little fucker to think twice next time. I still would have preferred to beat someone's ass, but "blah blah set an example for the kid blah blah blah".

Life is, in general, very good. The moments that I can put aside my concerns for my child's safety and every other stupid fucking thing that gets my head going are awesome moments indeed!

It is Friday....

2010-05-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

via

Friday Funny

2010-05-14T08:01:00.000-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I will DIE before I let you in!

2010-05-12T14:42:00.001-07:00

via

More proof....

2010-05-12T10:18:00.000-07:00

that the standard American diet is SHIT.

I was diagnosed with GERD/Acid Reflux. Have tried every medicine, cut out all spicy foods, etc...and had no relief.

Once I learned just how bad those medicines were, I quit taking them. Then I cut grains and processed foods out of my diet, and have had hardly a problem. I even ate a shit-ton of bacon wrapped jalapenos this weekend, with no problems.

Last night, I had half of a whole wheat sandwich thin, and I have been suffering ever since. And I mean bad suffering, to where I woke up this morning and my throat was on fire.

When will the government get on board with what is really good for us, instead of their subsidized money making bullshit crops? (Never, I know. Grain is king!)

Stupid food pyramid.

Shut it

2010-05-10T16:17:00.001-07:00

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Monday

2010-05-10T11:18:00.001-07:00

Oh Monday, you SUCK!!

I actually had an excellent weekend. It was nice to not have to worry about Youngest for a quick minute.

On the one hand I don't think he'll have any more problems at school, but on the other I'm freaking out. Some girl approached him and said "You really had to have blah blah arrested?" And Youngest was like "Damn right."

I've been in contact with a support group, and according to them we did all the right things, from pressing charges and notifying the school to making sure the hate crime charge was applied.

My heart is still broken, and I'm still having trouble breathing. I can't wait for this fricking school year to be over.

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Mother's Day was really nice. Received some lovely gifts, and my "new daughter" got me a really sweet card. Though we watched District 9, which I found to be incredibly sad. Not recommended Mother's Day watching.

New week, less drama. At least one can hope.