2 things...

#1-I really, really, REALLY thought I would take those whole aging shiz better than I am. New wrinkle? No bueno....Mid-life crisis in 3....2....

#2-I really thought that at some point I would get used to the physical side of my new job. Again, no bueno.

So, I shall sleep, because apparently that's what I do now.

Wasn't ready for this!

And our overnight forecast? 7 frickin degrees.

Happy Tuesday!

And that is why they voted no....

I just had the following conversation with my friend B-

Me: You know they are cutting off the extended unemployment benefits right?

B: What? That's it? That's all we get?

Me: Dick! You've been on it for 3 years and have turned down jobs. I'm actually trying, every day, to find a job and have been offered nothing.

B: Yeah well, I guess I should quit smoking pot.

Grrrrr...........

Poke

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian


10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

What. The. Fuck.

So my brilliant child, in his infinite wisdom, had decided to smoke. He's 14.

I was smelling cigarette smoke in the house and I couldn't figure out why. I asked him, and he denied denied denied.

He went camping with friends yesterday, and after he left Hubbs called me and said there was a pack of cigarettes missing from his purchase the night before.

So I tossed his room. And what did I find? 2 empty packs of cigs, our missing white lighter, and his ashtray. Which is a metal coin bank that belonged to my dead mother. My dead mother!

I know kids do as we do and not as we say, but he has seen me struggle with quitting. What in the name of all that is holy would even make him think this was a good idea?

He'll be home this evening, and boy is he in for a big surprise. I already took his computer out of his room, and I'll be taking his cell phone as well. And of course, grounded until we decide he's not anymore. I'm not even giving him a time frame.

Silly fucker.

I know I shouldn't feel guilty, kids experiment, and even kids that have parents who don't smoke pick up the habit. But I do. I really, really do.

What the f?

My brother has been in a horrible accident. He wrecked his Harley and is currently in ICU with a collapsed lung, damage to his spleen, a broken collarbone, and a broken thumb. And of course, severe road rash.

Healthy thoughts please.

Friday not so funny

I got laid off yesterday.

Happy!

I have been so damn happy lately. I spent the weekend with my family-making delicious food, going to the movies and lunch with Youngest, watching fireworks, etc... I must have looked at them about 100 times this weekend and said "I'm just so happy!"

Of course, that must come to a screeching halt.

I received a text this morning from someone very close to me-the wife is cheating.

I'm crushed! I really am. I don't know what to do or say to help. I love them both, and I'm trying not to be judgy, but what the fuck? I can't even wrap my brain around that level of disrespect.

Anyway, I'm going to try hard to keep my spirits up, but I really am very sad. It's such a helpless feeling too-there really is nothing I can do but be here for him. I can't even imagine the pain and heartbreak.

Stupid, stupid girl.

Monday, I thought I would hate you less

I was really looking forward to starting this week off with a new attitude. Alas, those hopes were thrown to the floor and smashed with a hammer when I realized my face is swollen AGAIN, which makes this the 3rd god damned time this year my sinus has been infected. I have never had a sinus infection in my life, and suddenly I have 3 in less than 6 months? WHAT. THE. FUCK. Still trying to stay positive. I think I'll give the old Neti Pot a try. If I can do that without puking maybe I won't need antibiotics.

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Daughter was picked up Friday night. Still can't figure the mom out. Mentally ill? Drugs? I'm having her over for drinks Saturday, hopefully I can get some insight then.

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My therapist is now on maternity leave, so I'm on my own until October. This should be interesting.....

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Happy fucking Monday!

I'm depressed and I hate everything.

Slightly over dramatic, but still.

Daughter is going back to her mother this weekend. She does not want to go, not at all. She told us that her mother never wanted to be a parent before and she doesn't understand why she is trying now. She also told her mother that she wanted to stay, because we treat her like a real family.

I tried to explain that maybe her mom really does want to try, and she should at least give her a chance.

I honestly don't know what the hell is up with her mom. She wanted to pick the kids up Saturday night at 10:30 so they could help her "alphabetize the movies."

Ummm, what?

I asked her "Don't you think it would be better to let them get some sleep tonight then go help you tomorrow as originally planned?"

She flipped her SHIT. "That's my daughter and you can't tell me whether or not I can pick her up."

I said "That's not what I said, and of course I can't, I have no right to tell you that and I never would."

I did refuse to let Youngest go though, then it turned into a huge 2 day fight between daughter and her mother. And she never did pick them up, that night or the next day as she had planned.

Anyway, she has suddenly decided to take daughter back. I don't even know what to think about this woman, I really don't. Tweaker? Drunk? What?

Do you know she's never even been inside my house to see where her daughter lives? She's never once thanked me or offered to help with expenses these past few months? And what, she didn't care that the girl was home alone for 3 months, but now that somebody cares about her and is providing a safe stable environment she takes her back?

All I can do is always be here for her. I told her she can come over anytime she wants, and we will always love her.

I will miss her very much.

Let's review......

I spent the majority of this week feeling like shit. Not sure why. But, AGAIN, after this weekend we're going to give laying off the booze the old college try. I've pretty much felt like shit for 20 years-sick of it. If I all of a sudden feel great all the time we'll know why won't we? Though I still find it hard to believe that drinking my ass off on the weekend can still make me feel bad at the end of the week.

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I've been invited to participate in an on-line community for book lovers-reviews, etc...My first thought was "Have you read any of my book reviews?". I'm going to investigate further on Sunday and see if it's something I'd like to do. The worse that can happen is....what? People I don't know will not like what I write? I throw that out there every day!

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I told my therapist about Daughter, and apparently the way she was living is a reportable offense. So either I had to report it, or she did. But either way it had to be done because of the danger of my Dr. losing her license. I said "No offense, but I knew I shouldn't have told you." Then I called CPS. They don't even care. They recommended I get a medical release in case something happens, but other than that they don't give a shit. That was one of the hardest phone calls I've ever had to make. I really believe therapy is paying off for me. I'm so brave!

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Youngest received two awards last night for his super high grade point average-one from his school, and one from the President's Council on Achievement in Education or something to that effect. Even came with a form letter from the office of Obama himself....... he was very excited, and we are so damn proud of that kid. I really think he'll go far and live a wonderful life.

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Started smoking again, like an asshole. I haven't decided when yet, but a quit date is looming. Again. Stupid girl....

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Have a great weekend!

Blah blah blah

I feel like shit. I don't know if this past weekend really ran me down that much or what but I feel like total shit. I'm overwhelmed, I'm tired, my body aches, and I could cry right this very minute.

That is all.

Holy crap balls!

My worst nightmare

Hate crimes (also known as bias-motivated crimes) occur when a perpetrator targets a victim because of his or her perceived membership in a certain social group, usually defined by racial group, religion, sexual orientation, disability, class, ethnicity, nationality, age, gender, gender identity, or political affiliation.

My son was assaulted after school yesterday, and yes, it's classified as a hate crime. The police are investigating and are expecting to make an arrest hopefully today.

I've lived in fear of this day since he was a little boy. What kind of children are we raising where our kids think it's ok to attack someone just because they are different? And how the hell am I supposed to keep him safe in this kind of world? Do we need to fear retaliation now? Do I need to escort him to and from school for the rest of the year? How do I keep him safe?

My heart is broken. And I am absolutely terrified that next time it will be worse.

Rant

I just got back from the eye doctor, and IT'S NOT MY EYE. I've been dealing with this shit for 4 months, and he just told me he thinks it's a sinus infection.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Another appointment tomorrow to treat this now. I swear to GOD, every time something is wrong with me it turns in to this lengthy, drawn out, expensive process. Either the doctors in this godforsaken town are fucking idiots or I'm a freak. Probably a little of both.

SHIT.

And now my eyes hurt.

WTF?

see more

Ready?

Ready.

My cold is about gone, and I've finally had enough of the extra weight/sluggishness/heartburn that I've been dealing with for 3 months. Time to get back to primal living.

Lift heavy things 2-3 times a week? Check. Starting Saturday.

Move slowly, frequently? Check. Started that last night. (Had to use the elliptical-desk job, you know.)

Sprint at least once a week? Check, though I will probably do some high intensity jump rope, at least until warmer weather comes.

Cut out processed foods/grains/sugar? YES. (Just as soon as I finish this Cadbury Egg. Seriously.)

It all started with the holidays, where I thought "Well, it's Thanksgiving. I HAVE to have stuffing"

Then it was Christmas "I have to make (and eat a shit ton) of my famous Russian Tea Cakes and Rum Balls!"

Then it was the DiGiorno House Party I won-"I won all this free pizza, I have to at least sample each kind!" (Note-if you are watching your weight and need pizza, I highly recommend the Tuscan Chicken Flatbread Pizza -you can eat like a third of it and stay below 300 calories at only 25 carbs)

Then it was the Orowheat Sandwich Thins House party I won-"I LOVE sandwiches!" (Though I must say, if you're going to have a sandwich, Sandwich Thins are the way to go. Low cal and relatively low carb. Will definitely use for future cheat days. WAY in the future)

All this combined with the fact that we had to move the weight bench indoors because it's freezing outside (and makes it a pain in the ass to use with all the attachments) has resulted in constant heartburn, a feeling of general malaise, and a 9 pound weight gain. And I'm sure I've gone up in body fat.

I was so proud of myself before this downward spiral, I really was. I felt good, I looked fantastic, and I was off my reflux meds.

Not pleased. But, this is usually what it takes for me to get off my ass.

So, here we go! I'm one Cadbury egg away from my road to redemption.

I'll report back in one week-let's see if I've really had enough!

P.S. Still not smoking-unless I'm drinking. Need to work on that.

What the fuck 2010?

I was so excited for this year to start, just so last year would be over. Well 2010, so far you have not impressed me. Not one bit.


Frustrated.

WTF?

see more Engrish

I fucking told you!

Stupid Doogie Howser M.D. I saw my doctor yesterday-she took one look at me and said "Oh your eye is infected" and wrote a prescription for antibiotic eye drops. Which hurt like a BITCH, by the way.

If he would have diagnosed me correctly, I'd be on my 4th day of treatment, and I'd be allowed to wear makeup that much sooner. NEED. MAKEUP.

Oh, 2010. Please let this be the extent of the drama for the year.