Home

I love being home. And even though I know how this night is going to go, I don't feel too bad about it.

Hubbs is rebuilding a transmission, Youngest is doing whatever 13 year old boys do that don't involve mom, and I will probably drink too much. Yes, I fell off the wagon, but it was a planned fall, a controlled fall, so how bad can it get?

I'm bored and lonely, so I will drink to occupy myself, then wake up tomorrow and start anew with all my weekend plans.

That's the theory anyway.

Slacker!!

I really wanted to keep track of all the books I've read in the past year-hence my list over to the right. I just realized I have been slacking-both on listing them and reviewing them. Life gets in the way of the things we'd rather do I guess.

I plan on spending some time this weekend trying to catch up on that, as well as housework and a million other things that have been ignored because I have been drinking too much. Did I mention? We're quitting. Well, let me rephrase that. We're not buying any alcohol for at least 10 days. It finally sunk in-the money, the time, the calories, the hangovers-it's just not fun anymore. When my nephew was here he gave us some left over alcohol from a party he threw-"Why me?" "Because every time I see you you have a beer in your hand." "Oh."

So other than that, we've basically quit for a while. At first we thought we would drink the beer this weekend, but we're kind of thinking not now. I guess we'll see what happens-an alcoholic mind is a very powerful persuader.

"Drink me. DRINK ME!! It's Friday, what the hell's wrong with you? We drink every Friday, and have for the past 845778456 years! DRINK ME!"

Excessive

We had a very nice weekend. Hubbs had a great party, and Saturday we spent the day with my brother and his family. I love family days.

Saturday night, I decided to tie one on and thought it would be best if we slept at Brothers. As we were sitting and chatting, Youngest said "All you guys ever do is drink, smoke, and go to the bar."

Now, that isn't true. Obviously. But the fact that that is Youngest's perception of us-it makes me want to quit even more. So, I had zero cigarettes yesterday, and 3 so far today. That will be my smoking. The morning smoke will be the hardest to give up, so I'm starting with the evening.

We have beer in the house. I don't know how many, but it would make me very very happy if that beer is all the beer we have for, oh, I don't know-the next month?

Life isn't that bad. I do not need to be medicated to get through it. Besides, I'm charging everyone for each day I don't smoke. I've made $2.00 so far.

Alcohol Chronicles, Day 4

Now I remember why I drink. Between the nightmares and laying in bed at night being bombarded by horrible thoughts and memories, it's no wonder I was drunk all the time.

Alcohol Chronicles, Day 3

So far, so good. No one has died yet, AND we're still married!

The biggest test of all-we have to shop at Wal-Mart tonight for our camping supplies. After work. When every other white trash (I can say that, my family is from West Virginia) bargain hunter in town is there with their 1800 kids.

Ugh.

Alcohol Chronicles, Day 2

I made it through the day! I fought with the husband a little bit, but that just reinforced my desire to stop frickin drinking. If we wouldn't have been drunk the day before, I think we wouldn't have fought yesterday.

I watered my garden, did some laundry, read 2 entire novels, and was able to have some snacks because I didn't have a ton of calories alloted to beer.

So far so good!

Alcohol Chronicles, Day 1

My husband is very against pill taking. Specifically, he is very against me taking Campral. So we made a deal. If we can get through the next 4 days without drinking, I won't ask the doctor for it.

Today is day one. We have a nice relaxing day planned watching movies and doing garden stuff.

If I can't get through the next 4 days, then I really have a problem. Let's find out!

Patterns

I am so very glad it is finally Friday. We have had such a busy week, and I am exhausted. To recap-

Tuesday-Garden Friend came over, just to inspect and give advice. We drank beer, and he stayed until 10pm. Made it to bed by 10:30pm.

Wednesday-Best Friend From 6th Grade came to town, so we went out for a few drinks, then met up with Husband and Garden Friend to look at some classic cars, then went and had one more drink and a sandwich. Made it to bed by 11pm.

Thursday-Got my tattoo zapped again. This was the most painful one yet. She has not seen the progress she would like, so she cranked up the laser. I had to ask her to stop 4 times, which is a first for me.

In my rush to get home, I flew by a cop, who proceeded to get behind me, then pull up next to me, asked me to roll down my window, and said "You are going way too fast. Slow down. " "Yes Sir!" And thanks, that was close!

It's hard to sleep when you have red hot freshly lasered flesh. I should have taken a pain pill, but instead I decided to work in my garden, do some laundry and light house cleaning, and have a few beers. Made it to bed by 10pm, but tossed and turned starting about 2:30am (have I mentioned I'm up at 5:30-6:00 am?)

Now, I'm sensing a pattern here. Every single thing I do revolves around alcohol. I do not like it.
I do not want my life, my every evening, to revolve around alcohol. I'm asking Doctor for that damn pill next week. That is what I feel I need to do to get back on track. It's all about breaking cycles, and habits. I want to have a few beers on the weekends only, I do not want to drink EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

Happy Friday

Drunky McDrunkerson

I just received a text message from my brother asking me when I was going to quit drinking. I told him tonight was my first night. He said "good, quit before it kills you."

I am worried about myself. I have overcome much worse things then this, so I know I can do it. I don't know what set me off on this path, but it needs to change immediately. I swear I can hear my liver crying.

Wish me luck. Or pray for me. Whatevs.