Dumbfucker

My therapist recommended a book to me, "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook". It's already been quite helpful in teaching me to control my emotions.

Yesterdays worksheet was about values, and while I was filling it out I realized that alcohol is interfering with my values, which is resulting in me feeling bad about myself. As a wife, as a mother, as a person who cares about her health.

I hate it when I have these huge profound moments that have been right in front of my face the whole god damn time.

Anyway, trying AGAIN. Aiming for a sober weekend with the family.

The reward (besides the obvious) will be a family dinner out next Friday night. I do love going out to eat.

Besides that, I'm sick (still), my eye is infected (again), and I'm quite bitchy. I would like to just feel like a normal human being for a quick minute instead of this congested eye infected GOON.

Seriously, this time I mean it.

Hubbs just got back from the doctor, and the whole blood sodium thing? Fine. His numbers were smack dab in the middle of the normal range. So me freaking out thinking we were going to die an alcoholics death were slightly unfounded.

On the other hand-god DAMN I am over drinking! I feel like shit, I'm fat, my acid reflux is crazy. I ordered new pants from Victoria's Secret and I'm seriously doubting if they're even going to fit my fat ass.

So, tonight is family movie night. Tomorrow is work out, build fence, and a whole other batch of stuff to keep myself busy. I really want to get back to how I felt and looked last Fall.

If I report back here on that I drank this weekend, somebody better love me enough to kick my ass.

Check in

So I'm a couple days late with this-I find it helps keep me accountable though, so here goes.

Diet and exercise wise I did surprisingly well this week. Started the week at 142.5 pounds-that really had me flipping my shit. Did sprints last Saturday, heavy weights Tuesday and Friday, with a day of lighter hand weight/push ups on Thursday. So I stuck to my exercise routine-go me!

Stuck to my primal eating plan-even went to In N Out for burgers and had it protein style, though I did cheat and had some fries.

Kind of failed on the drinking-went crazy Thursday night for some reason-made for an interesting day at work Friday.

Ended the week at 136.5 pounds-dropped that water weight and bloat right off!

All in all I'm happy with progress this week, though I really have to stop drinking on Thursdays. Every other Thursday is therapy day, and I promised my doctor I wouldn't drink after my sessions. I didn't have therapy this week, so technically I didn't break that promise, but I really need to build that habit. So try try again!

Wow.

As much as I love Thanksgiving, I'm REALLY glad it's over. It was such a whirlwind of activity, I hardly took any pictures, and I feel like I didn't really get anything done over that entire 4 day weekend.

Dinner was delicious, I get better at making this meal every year. I even made homemade gravy for the first time, and it wasn't bad at all. The dishes the guys made were awesome as well-and it was really nice having a bit of help.

Now I feel like I need to focus on, basically, getting my shit together. I ate, drank, and smoked WAY more than I had planned to (self control? what self control?) and I am still suffering the effects of a massive carb overload. I know it's not good to try to quit too many things at once, but the drinking and smoking really need to get handled. I'm back to not drinking on week nights, which naturally cuts my smoking in half. I'll get that down for a week or two than it's time to get serious about cigarettes. I hate them-they smell, they're gross, and they are killing me. Plus they're expensive-smoking really doesn't make any sense.

Anyhow, my holiday was wonderful, as I hope it was for everyone. Time to get back on track.

Here we go again

Blah blah blah low carb blah blah blah off the wagon blah blah blah quit drinking for 2 weeks.

I'm pretty sure I've said all this before, but we're trying the no drinking thing again-weekends included. Just for two weeks, but I'm really curious to see if alcohol makes that much difference in the way my body looks. I still have some stubborn belly fat that doesn't seem to want to budge. And getting hammered every weekend, which in turn makes me blow off working out, is not helping.

Besides, I'm looking forward to a weekend that doesn't go by in a blur.

Stop me if you've heard this before.

I saw the acid reflux specialist yesterday, and apparently kind of cutting out my trigger foods/drinks is not good enough. When he asked me about drinking, he said "You need to stop. Now. If we can get this under control then you can cheat occasionally, but for now, stop all your triggers."

So, here we go again with the quitting drinking and smoking. I know it's not a good idea to give up all your vices at once (add chocolate to that list as well) so I'm going to mainly focus on the drinking, and I'm sure the smoking will naturally follow. I shouldn't even say focus, I'm just doing it. I have to. I would rather not get throat cancer because I can't get my damn acid reflux under control. Besides, there are several other benefits-I'm really curious to see how my stomach looks when it's not fighting off the beer bloat. I've been doing abs every day for a month and I don't notice a thing. Hubbs does, but I don't. Anyway-

Tomorrow I get to have an upper endoscopy-you know, the camera down the throat and all? Freaking out a little bit actually. But I guess they sedate you so heavily you don't remember a thing. I'm afraid of the procedure, not the results.

Happy Thursday!

Oh yeah, I'm back to using Twitter. I like to be notified when certain sites have new posts. Call me lazy.