So....

remember a few months ago when we took in one of Youngest's friends? Because she was left home alone, blah blah blah? Apparently not only is she the one who turned him on to smoking, she was also stealing from us. Lighters, cigarettes, etc... I had the urge to call her mom, but fuck it. Mom was the one who left her home alone for 2 months, will she really care or believe this new turn of events? It still breaks my heart though-I opened my home to you and you steal from me?

Youngest has been a full time smoker for several months now. As of today, him and I have both quit. And he's feeling it, as am I. But you know what? Even though he can't legally smoke, I feel like an asshole making him quit while I'm still smoking. So there you have it.

Hopefully there will be no blood shed in the next few days.

Day 4!

And I'm pretty frickin proud of myself.

I've saved about $12.00 already.

My morning tea tasted excellent!

This is probably one of the hardest things I'll ever do, but I deserve it. And I'M proud of me! Good job Lula!

The only thing-I'm having a hell of a time sleeping. But that will fade I'm sure.

Go me!

So far, so good...

The good things that are happening to my body right now- (time measured since the last cigarette)


In 20 minutes your blood pressure will drop back down to normal. (Mine has always been freakishly low-so is it normal now? Or lower? Just a thought)

In 8 hours the carbon monoxide levels in your blood stream will drop by half, and oxygen levels will return to normal. (Woo hoo! Bye poison!)

In 48 hours your chance of having a heart attack will have decreased. All nicotine will have left your body. Your sense of taste and smell will return to a normal level. ( I don't think this one is accurate-I remember my senses returning to normal last time, and it took more than 2 days. I believe this one should read 72 hours)

At any rate, it doesn't feel like it right now, but good things ARE happening. It takes about 3 weeks to feel normal-I'm very much looking forward to that!

I am a non-smoker.

Day two so far-yesterday was pretty easy because I had a slight hangover, and today has been because, well, smoking is stupid.

Every time I think I want a cigarette I just tell myself that the craving is poison leaving my body, and it won't last forever.

I also tell myself "Thank GOD I don't have to give in to that feeling! Poor smokers-I'm no longer a slave to nicotine!"

I also had 20 minutes to spare this morning-I may be able to sleep in a little later if I want. So many benefits!

The only negative, and I remember this from last time, is my face feels swollen and weird. But that goes away after a couple of days. I'm really looking forward to no longer having a burnt tongue too-food is going to start tasting better than ever! (Just what I need, Ms. Gained8holidaypounds!)

I'm a non-smoker!

Book Review

The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr.

Strange to think a book can help you quit smoking, but this book really feels like the ticket to freedom.

It's all about attitude, and freedom, and reversing the brain washing that not only society has forced upon us, but the brain washing we have forced upon ourselves.

It's drug addiction, plain and simple. And I've beaten a lot worse things than nicotine.

He says, if possible, to pick a time that is less stressful (?) and just go for it-no patches, no stupid gum, no brain altering pills.

I had Youngest type and print a little cheat sheet for me, for motivation. But basically-a craving is a beautiful thing, it's poison leaving your body. Hooray!!

I'm thinking my less stressful time is when this damn eye infection goes away.

So, Monday. I'll keep you updated.

Oh, and if you're a smoker, read this book. You have nothing to lose but a few hours of your time.

Wow.

As much as I love Thanksgiving, I'm REALLY glad it's over. It was such a whirlwind of activity, I hardly took any pictures, and I feel like I didn't really get anything done over that entire 4 day weekend.

Dinner was delicious, I get better at making this meal every year. I even made homemade gravy for the first time, and it wasn't bad at all. The dishes the guys made were awesome as well-and it was really nice having a bit of help.

Now I feel like I need to focus on, basically, getting my shit together. I ate, drank, and smoked WAY more than I had planned to (self control? what self control?) and I am still suffering the effects of a massive carb overload. I know it's not good to try to quit too many things at once, but the drinking and smoking really need to get handled. I'm back to not drinking on week nights, which naturally cuts my smoking in half. I'll get that down for a week or two than it's time to get serious about cigarettes. I hate them-they smell, they're gross, and they are killing me. Plus they're expensive-smoking really doesn't make any sense.

Anyhow, my holiday was wonderful, as I hope it was for everyone. Time to get back on track.

Stop me if you've heard this before.

I saw the acid reflux specialist yesterday, and apparently kind of cutting out my trigger foods/drinks is not good enough. When he asked me about drinking, he said "You need to stop. Now. If we can get this under control then you can cheat occasionally, but for now, stop all your triggers."

So, here we go again with the quitting drinking and smoking. I know it's not a good idea to give up all your vices at once (add chocolate to that list as well) so I'm going to mainly focus on the drinking, and I'm sure the smoking will naturally follow. I shouldn't even say focus, I'm just doing it. I have to. I would rather not get throat cancer because I can't get my damn acid reflux under control. Besides, there are several other benefits-I'm really curious to see how my stomach looks when it's not fighting off the beer bloat. I've been doing abs every day for a month and I don't notice a thing. Hubbs does, but I don't. Anyway-

Tomorrow I get to have an upper endoscopy-you know, the camera down the throat and all? Freaking out a little bit actually. But I guess they sedate you so heavily you don't remember a thing. I'm afraid of the procedure, not the results.

Happy Thursday!

Oh yeah, I'm back to using Twitter. I like to be notified when certain sites have new posts. Call me lazy.

More Randomness

Apparently nicotine gum can cause nightmares. It's not a common side effect, But Little Wing pointed out that I have been reporting bad dreams since I quit smoking. So after a quick Google search, I discovered I'm not the only one. I knew it was a side effect of the patch, but had no idea about the gum. Weird. I won't report the dreams I had last night, but they were horrific. You know, when you wake up gasping? I did have a few cigarettes last night too-maybe it's related. I am having a hell of a time quitting this time around, not sure why. Too much going on at once.

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We're leaving next Thursday to spend a few days with Oldest and his family. I am so excited! I haven't even met the new baby yet (He's 2). Can't wait!

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My friend Terry and her boyfriend are coming to stay the weekend in August. She moved to Texas about 2 years ago, and I really felt the loss of my friend. I can't wait to see her!

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I have found that it really does help to have things you are looking forward to. My only problem is I'm easily overwhelmed, but so far I'm doing ok. And I'm trying to not listen to the voice that's telling me something will happen, the trip will be canceled, Terry won't be able to make it, etc... And I said this before, but it bears repeating. I really think the Chromium is helping me. It may only be a placebo effect, but who cares? I've actually been on a pretty even keel for a week or so now. It's a miracle!

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Last night at the grocery store, I was reaching for a portobello mushroom top when I just froze. My mind went blank, and I couldn't remember what the hell I was doing. This has happened to me before, but last night I almost cried over it, not sure why. Faulty wiring.

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The only difference between a blogger and that crazy guy on the corner talking to himself is a computer.

I'd give credit where it's due, but I can't remember where I saw that.

That was close.....

I made it through yesterday without killing anybody! Go me!

I feel quite a bit better today, though very, very tired. I only did an 11 minute workout when I got home last night, but considering I did 30 minutes in the morning I tried to not beat myself up too much.

I did 30 minutes again this morning (elliptical and abs), then went for blood work. Apparently quite a few people with acid reflux also have some sort of bacteria that indicates you have an ulcer, or are getting an ulcer, or something of the sort. I was too discombobulated yesterday at the Doc's to pay much attention. And I do have to go for the esophageal scope, what fun! My voice has been incredibly hoarse for several days now, and my doctor is a little concerned. Well, that and the fact that I can't get rid of this burning in my chest no matter how hard I try. Even when I do follow a strict diet, and there has been times when I've done so, this burning still will not go away. So then I get angry and frustrated and decide to eat and drink whatever I want, then I suffer more, etc...

Anyway, all is as well as it can be right now I suppose. I am actually quite miserable, but I know it's temporary so it's easier to deal with.

Step away from the Lula

I am UBER FUCKING BITCHY today. I forgot how bad it feels to quit smoking. Logic says don't start again, right? I'm right back to swollen face-headache-bitchy mode. It goes away after a couple of days,though by then the fatigue sets in. After 6 days last time I was just getting to where my physical symptoms were almost gone, then I had to go and smoke again.

I've asked my loved ones to remind me of how badly I feel right now next time I want to smoke.

Happy Fucking Monday.

EPIC FAIL

I have failed miserably at quitting smoking. I did so well those first 6 days, then I don't know what happened. I lost my resolve. I lost my mojo. I was so totally into it, and excited about becoming a non smoker. Now I don't seem to care. Well, I care, but obviously not enough to put forth any effort. I had a cigarette this morning and I thought to myself "You're not even going to try? Use the things you've learned? Chew a piece of gum?" And I thought, "Nope."

Tomorrow is a new day, and I will try again. I really think smoking affects my acid reflux, and it's been killing me. It didn't seem to bother me as bad those glorious 6 days.

Here's to a new day!

Guess the disease

1.Constipation/diarrhea
2.Fatigue
3.Insomnia
4.Massive increase in appetite
5.Irritability
6.Sore throat
7.Cough
8.Sinus pain/pressure
9.Headache
10.Body aches
11.Trouble concentrating
12.Waking throughout the night

If you guessed nicotine withdrawal-you're correct! I don't have numbers 1 or 7 yet, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time. But, I keep telling myself this is only temporary-this will not last forever-you can do this Lula, you CAN DO IT!

And as far as number 4, I keep telling myself "You're not REALLY hungry, it's a fake hunger-it's just your body adjusting. Wait it out and drink some water." It's worked so far, though I did eat after dinner last night, but it was a salad so that's not so bad. And by the way, binging the weekend before I decided to quit smoking was a stupid thing to do. Your metabolism slows down when you quit smoking, so I really didn't need these 5 extra pounds going in to this. That's right, I gained 5 pounds since last Friday. Actually 6.5, but I've dropped 1.5 already. I'm hoping it's sodium, but it doesn't look good so far. I was about 9 million calories over my limit both Saturday and Sunday. Dumbass.

And, in the interest of not gaining weight like every person who quits smoking does, I've decided to step up my game. This morning I did 20 minutes on the elliptical on a more difficult setting than I usually do, then I threw in 10 minutes of abs. Tonight I'll do another 20-30 minute workout, with (hopefully) some more cardio thrown in. I didn't sleep well at all last night, so who knows how I'll feel by the time I get home.

This can't last too long, right??

Wow.

Today is my second day of not smoking, and my first day of using the gum. All I can say is......wow. I smoke less that 10 cigarettes a day, unless I'm drinking then that number can climb very high. But I feel like total, absolute hell. I'm very tired, WAY bitchier than I thought I would be, and for some strange reason my face feels swollen. It doesn't look swollen, but my eyes feel weird.

Anyway, they say cigarette cravings only last 2-3 minutes, and I have found that to be true. But since I skipped my morning cigarette routine, I'm craving them now. I don't even smoke when I'm at work, so craving them now is kind of irritating me. Well, everything is irritating me, so no surprise there.

I really think I'm going to succeed this time. I don't know if it's because I have the gum if I need it or if it's because I'm just ready, but whatever the reason, I'm really looking forward to becoming an ex-smoker.