What the f?

My brother has been in a horrible accident. He wrecked his Harley and is currently in ICU with a collapsed lung, damage to his spleen, a broken collarbone, and a broken thumb. And of course, severe road rash.

Healthy thoughts please.

More proof....

that the standard American diet is SHIT.

I was diagnosed with GERD/Acid Reflux. Have tried every medicine, cut out all spicy foods, etc...and had no relief.

Once I learned just how bad those medicines were, I quit taking them. Then I cut grains and processed foods out of my diet, and have had hardly a problem. I even ate a shit-ton of bacon wrapped jalapenos this weekend, with no problems.

Last night, I had half of a whole wheat sandwich thin, and I have been suffering ever since. And I mean bad suffering, to where I woke up this morning and my throat was on fire.

When will the government get on board with what is really good for us, instead of their subsidized money making bullshit crops? (Never, I know. Grain is king!)

Stupid food pyramid.

I fucking told you!

Stupid Doogie Howser M.D. I saw my doctor yesterday-she took one look at me and said "Oh your eye is infected" and wrote a prescription for antibiotic eye drops. Which hurt like a BITCH, by the way.

If he would have diagnosed me correctly, I'd be on my 4th day of treatment, and I'd be allowed to wear makeup that much sooner. NEED. MAKEUP.

Oh, 2010. Please let this be the extent of the drama for the year.

2010

So I'm off to a rip roaring start to my new year. I have some sort of bizarre eye infection-my eye and part of my face are swollen. Better than it was a few days ago, but itchy and very irritating.

I went to urgent care Saturday, where frickin Doogie Howser M.D. tried to give me steroids. I told him I'm not comfortable taking steroids, and doesn't he think my eye is infected?

"Well, I won't rule that out, but try the steroids first."

".......?"

I went home to look up this steroid before I filled the prescription, and first thing I saw is "Do not prescribe to patients suffering from depression."

Dick! He knew I was on meds in the past, FOR DEPRESSION. Dumb Fuck.

Anyway, I have an appointment to see MY doctor at 11:00 today.

Way to ring in the new year, already starting off with medical bills!

DAMN

My fucking head hurts!

Made it through the work week without drinking-pretty proud of that-until last night. Hubbs has a half day, Friday's are always easy, so what the hell.

Totally regretting that decision right now. There is a reason we decided not to drink on work nights, and this is it!

FUCK.

Stop me if you've heard this before.

I saw the acid reflux specialist yesterday, and apparently kind of cutting out my trigger foods/drinks is not good enough. When he asked me about drinking, he said "You need to stop. Now. If we can get this under control then you can cheat occasionally, but for now, stop all your triggers."

So, here we go again with the quitting drinking and smoking. I know it's not a good idea to give up all your vices at once (add chocolate to that list as well) so I'm going to mainly focus on the drinking, and I'm sure the smoking will naturally follow. I shouldn't even say focus, I'm just doing it. I have to. I would rather not get throat cancer because I can't get my damn acid reflux under control. Besides, there are several other benefits-I'm really curious to see how my stomach looks when it's not fighting off the beer bloat. I've been doing abs every day for a month and I don't notice a thing. Hubbs does, but I don't. Anyway-

Tomorrow I get to have an upper endoscopy-you know, the camera down the throat and all? Freaking out a little bit actually. But I guess they sedate you so heavily you don't remember a thing. I'm afraid of the procedure, not the results.

Happy Thursday!

Oh yeah, I'm back to using Twitter. I like to be notified when certain sites have new posts. Call me lazy.

Bye-Bye Co-worker.....

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Did you know....

That one beer can double the acid in your stomach in less than an hour?

Me either.

Or that beer is the absolute WORST thing you can drink when you have acid reflux?

Yeah, me either.

Other things that can cause symptoms include cigarettes, chocolate, caffeine, carbonation, spicy foods, and citrus. Oh, and beef. You know, like the 120 pounds of it I just won?

I've had this burning in my chest for a month straight. Doc says if we don't get it under control in one month, I have to have an esophageal scope. And since I've never been a fan of having foreign objects forced down my throat, it's time to get serious.

I've already basically given up spicy foods, though I did have 1 bacon wrapped jalapeno this weekend. I've already given up citrus, and I switched from coffee to tea a while back. Diet Pepsi? Bye-bye!

Next step?

Beer and cigarettes. I know, right? What's the point in living a life without all the things I love?

The point is this-if I don't get this under control, there is a possibility I could get cancer. Now that's kind of out there, but still-alcohol and cigarettes also contribute to throat cancer. Why am I taking chances with my life? So I'm stopping it all.

My goal is this-first, never have a beer again. Not even this weekend. If I feel the need to drink, I will be drinking wine. I'll be a wino! But beer? I just can't.

Second-this weekend I'm buying the nicotine gum. I'm thinking I will only need two pieces a day, my morning cigarette and my after work cigarette. That's really all I smoke unless I'm drinking, and we've already solved that one haven't we?

Watch Lula have a complete meltdown in 3....2.....

Have I mentioned how much I love beer?

Ouch

Self defense class went very well yesterday, though I had forgotten how bad it hurts to get attacked for 4 hours. I'm bruised from head to toe, and my body just aches. It was nice to have a refresher course though, there were quite a few things I forgot. I highly recommend all women taking a class. Very empowering. And we got a free weapon! I can't remember what it's called, some aluminum stick thing you can jab in people's eyes.

It's taking all my strength to get through my chores today.

Happy Sunday!

Slacker!!

I really wanted to keep track of all the books I've read in the past year-hence my list over to the right. I just realized I have been slacking-both on listing them and reviewing them. Life gets in the way of the things we'd rather do I guess.

I plan on spending some time this weekend trying to catch up on that, as well as housework and a million other things that have been ignored because I have been drinking too much. Did I mention? We're quitting. Well, let me rephrase that. We're not buying any alcohol for at least 10 days. It finally sunk in-the money, the time, the calories, the hangovers-it's just not fun anymore. When my nephew was here he gave us some left over alcohol from a party he threw-"Why me?" "Because every time I see you you have a beer in your hand." "Oh."

So other than that, we've basically quit for a while. At first we thought we would drink the beer this weekend, but we're kind of thinking not now. I guess we'll see what happens-an alcoholic mind is a very powerful persuader.

"Drink me. DRINK ME!! It's Friday, what the hell's wrong with you? We drink every Friday, and have for the past 845778456 years! DRINK ME!"

So....much....pain.....

I have been busting my ass trying to get into shape.

"10 days to a better body!"

"Fit to strip!"

"30 day shred!"

And it's working, very well actually. I've lost several inches, plus 9 of the 11 pounds I gained over the holiday.

But, I think I overdid it last night. My back hurts SO BAD.Like I want to get back in my car, go home, take a Darvocet, and spend the day in bed bad.

I'm taking a break tonight. Family movie night and park my ass on the couch.

Ouch.

Mammogram!

If you're a guy, you may want to stop reading. Or, keep reading and get some insight in to the mind of a woman......a CRAZY woman!

The mammogram was not as painful as I thought it was going to be. It was, however, more humiliating then I thought it would be. I wonder if it's less so for a woman who is comfortable with the size of her breasts?

The technician pointed out that a lot of "first timers" get called back for a second set of films-something to do with it being the baseline mammo and they want a very clear set of pictures to go by.

Of course, I instantly thought "She saw something-she's warning me I'm going to get a call back".

No sooner did I finish that thought when she said "And no, I didn't see anything-I tell this to all my patients. So don't panic if you get a call to come back."

I told Hubbs to remind me of that when I freak out if they call.