Wishy Washy

I have been doing really well this week-no drinking, keeping up with my workout schedule, eating right, etc....

Last night I wanted a beer-we ended up having 3, and now I feel like such a LOSER. Not sure why-I've had a lot more than that on a work night, and 3 isn't going to derail my progress.

If anything, I'm reminded why I don't like to drink on work nights-I'm super bitchy, grouchy and hungry.

I went from feeling great about my progress yesterday to hating everything today.

If I could just learn to stop beating myself up.

Was it something I ate?

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Believe?

Monday

It is bite ass cold and foggy as hell.

There's your weather report.

Sober week is back on, however-I have noticed if I talk about something too much it turns out to be harder to deal with. I'll post my failures and my little moments of win, but in general this is going to be just like every other week.

Well, except that I won't be drunk half the time.

Groundhog Day

I'm 99% sure that if I go back and read past posts, I will have posted this exact same thing.

When I get stuck in a mood, I get STUCK. Depression leads to the same thing for me every time-my days end with me unable to sleep because my brain is reliving every stupid thing I have ever done in my life. It's exhausting, it's boring, and it must be stopped. I do try to change the subject in my head as many times as it takes until I fall asleep, but I wish there was a way for it to not happen at all.

I'm forcing the positive down my own throat today though-I have a job, a great family, a warm home, plenty of food, good friends, etc.....We'll see if this leads to a better evening.

And, today is my EEG. I find it funny that they feel the need to check for abnormal brain activity-anyone who knows me knows I'm all about abnormal brain activity!

Blah

While I am feeling better, I'm still not 100%. I had a really nice night last night-spent some time with Hubbs, then Youngest helped me make dinner while we talked about his day. I worked out while dinner was cooking, then we had family movie night and watched "Tropic Thunder". I felt pretty good when I went to bed, but now I'm feeling pretty blah.

I know it takes time to get over strong emotions, but I'm impatient. I want my yesterday feeling to hurry up and be the norm.

Sweet!

Today is my one day at work this week before I take the rest of my vacation time, and I just found out we're only doing a half day. Awesome!!

That made my day much better, because it did not start out right. As I've mentioned a thousand times, I gained back 10 of the 20 pounds I lost this year. Well, as of today, my grand total of weight gain is 11.5 pounds.

It's time to get serious again. Just because I have all this time off does not mean I can eat and drink whatever the hell I want.

This time next week I expect to lose at least 5 pounds. I'll keep you updated-it will help keep me accountable.

If I don't stick to it this time I'm sewing my lips shut.

Come ON ’09!!!

I know I shouldn’t wish for time to hurry by-after all, this is the only life I have, why do I want to speed through it?

But, work is SO SLOW right now it’s making me crazy. It’s leaving me with way too much time on my hands and that is not good. A thinking Lulabelle = a crazy Lulabelle.

We are literally so slow that the phone only rings like 5 times a day, and the calls are never for me. We are always slow this time of year, but I tend to forget that until it happens.

Little Wing and I have been taking 2 hour lunches, and plan to continue this throughout the next week, but even with that the day seems to drag, and all my little demons start poking me with their fiery sticks of gloom and doom.

Ho-hum.