Oh world.

Regarding Constance McMillan-

Just when I feel my anger swell up, and I want to lash out at people I don't even know, on behalf of someone I've never met-someone like the Bloggess comes along to remind me that responding to hate with hate just makes a no win situation worse.

"A special note to every single person reading this who thinks that they are alone or different or forever broken…you are not. You are part of a special tribe that you just haven’t found yet and we need you. All the best people are broken. Keep fighting until you find your place. It does exist. I promise."

Click here. And let's try not to hate.

Please help

If you're reading this, chances are you have a blog of your own.

Do me a favor? Go to http://project2996.wordpress.com/what-is-2996/ and sign up. Let's pay tribute to those we lost September 11th. It won't take you long-and it will help keep the memories of those we lost alive.

Wow!

I received another award-when life gives you lemons, make lemonade! I do seem to be much better at that then I was in the past. I still have my moments, but all in all every little thing doesn't crush me like it used to.

I'm also supposed to nominate/award other people who I find inspiring. The list is too long, so here's the short version.

To all of you who follow/read my blog-you all inspire me in different ways. Sometimes with humor, sometimes just in the searching for answers and a better way to live. Whether it's overcoming drugs, social anxiety, depression, or abuse, you have all let me know I am not alone. Thanks!

And to those of you who don't blog (this means you family and friends), but do read me-you save me every day. With forgiveness and humor, tough love and letting me cry. I am not an easy person to know, but you remind me I am a worthwhile person to know. Thank you!

Now I'm all mushy-back to work!

Opinion Please

This has been weighing heavily on Hubbs and I for a while-I'll try to not be too long winded, and I'd love your opinion if you'd care to share.

We are friends with a couple, let's call them Jack and Jill. We were best friends, spent every weekend together, helped each other move, and Jill really helped me when my mother died.

They moved to California, which made me cry my eyes out, then came back about a year later. During that time, Jill had an emotional affair with her boss, which technically I shouldn't know about, because Jack shared it with Hubbs and swore him to secrecy.

Anyway, when they came back and we started spending time together again, we noticed several things that just didn't sit right with us. For example, they have this weird dynamic in their relationship where they say things to each other like "Well, if you weren't such a fucking idiot XYZ never would have happened." I can't even imagine speaking to my husband like that. And if he said that to me? Let's just say it wouldn't end well.

Now it's none of my business how married people treat each other, but I can't help but look at them differently now.

Then I realized that every time we spent time with them, Jill made some comment that made me feel bad about myself. For example, when I was 20 pounds heavier and I complimented her on a new bathing suit, she said "Yeah, too bad it doesn't come in a large."

We ended up having a huge argument over Hubbs' unwillingness to loan Jack a tool (Jack does not have a good track record-you loan him something and you get it back broken, 3 weeks later). We pay good money for our things, and we care about them. Why would we loan something to someone who breaks stuff? Jack was completely bent out of shape, said mean things to Hubbs, which led to me calling Jack back and flipping my noodle. I believe one of the things I said was "No one is allowed to make my husband feel bad but me! How dare you! Don't you EVER talk to him that way again!" I know I'm slightly crazy, but do you get my point?

So now, we are somewhat on speaking terms again-we visited them the other night, and they called last night and wanted to get together. We just don't have it in us to get too close to them again. They are not bad people, not at all, there just seems to be so much drama surrounding it all. And we're kind of feeling like bad people for not taking the friendship back to the level it was before.

Am I a bitch, or am I right to distance myself from them?

I'd Like To Thank The Academy.....

I'm grateful for my husband. I am the luckiest woman in the world to have found someone who knows all about me, has seen me at my physical and emotional worst, and yet still loves and adores me. He has never once laughed at me. I love you Hubbs.

I'm grateful for my Oldest. I feel blessed that he has decided to maintain a relationship with me even though I was not the best mother. He has grown in to a fine man in spite of his upbringing. Thank you son. You make me proud.

I'm grateful for my Youngest. He is respectful and polite, and he laughs at my jokes. He helps out when needed, he eats my tofu burritos without complaint, and he thinks I'm pretty. Thank you child.

I'm grateful for my brother. He has saved me from some crazy situations. He picks me up, brushes me off, and shoves me back out the door to try again. He is the father I never had. Thank you.

I'm grateful for the women who chose to marry in to my family. I know it's tough, we are all basically insane. But I think if you look at how we were brought up, you realize that we're actually doing damn well. You are both good women. Thank you for sticking around.

I'm grateful for the 2 cutest grandchildren in the world. Seeing their cute little faces makes me smile, and I love the fact that I'm a grandmother.

I'm grateful that my brother and I are actually leading healthy, productive lives. We are not repeating the cycle, and that is a miracle. We win.

I'm grateful for Little Wing. We finish each other's sentences, communicate without speaking, and she loves me, psychoses and all. Thanks for being there chickie.

I'm grateful for my in-laws. Mother, Brother, Sister-you are all such kind hearted, good people. You've helped me when I needed it and have never judged me. Thank you.

I'm grateful that I was able to care for my mother when she was dying, and I was holding her hand when she finally passed. I love you Mom, and I miss you every day.

I'm grateful for my job. It's like one big happy dysfunctional family, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I'm grateful for my health. I have a few issues, but nothing that can't be dealt with.

I'm grateful I'm able to provide good food, a warm home, and a loving atmosphere for everyone who passes through my door.

I'm grateful for finally realizing that what happened to me in my past, and the resulting bad choices I have made, do not make me a bad person. I couldn't have done that without the people I love.

I'm grateful for the friends I have made in the blogging community. You make me laugh, you give me hope, and you let me know I am not alone. Thank you.

I'm (learning to be) grateful for every wrinkle, stretch mark, and scar. My body has served me well-it's given me 2 wonderful children, and it keeps on ticking in spite of all the abuse I have inflicted on it.

And finally, I'm grateful that I have learned to laugh at myself, appreciate what I have, and speak up if there is something I need. I spent far too many years being silent, and I don't have to do that anymore. I have a voice, and I deserve to be heard. I not only know this, but I believe it.

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope everyone reading this has the best day ever!

Random Thought

Actually a not so random thought, since I was on my way to cook Ahi Tuna for dinner...

When I was little, we lived next door to a single mother who shared a house with her father. The little girl, whose name I can't remember for the life of me, couldn't pronounce my name so she called me Tuna. I still remember her little voice, calling out "Tuuunnnnnaaaaaa".

When my father was arrested, in the week or so before we packed our belongings and ran for our lives, a man came to our door. My brother and I were, of course, home alone. I remember him brandishing a knife, demanding to know where our father was. One of us snuck out the back door and went next door to the neighbor's house to ask for help.

The single mother wasn't home, but her father was. That old man marched right over to our front door with a shotgun in his hand and told the man with a knife to get the hell off of our property-"You leave those kids alone".

Years later, when I was in my 20's, I went back to see the house I grew up in. I thought maybe seeing it would lessen the horror in my mind. The single mother still lived next door, but her father had passed away. I told her of the above incident, and let her know how thankful I was that an old man had risked his life to save us from some knife wielding drug addicted maniac.

Just another thing to be thankful for.