I like Gary's world better too....

Get Out
by Esma-Movie

Need......carbs.....

I'm having a little trouble adjusting to this low carb diet. I've been keeping my numbers to between 60 and 80 (down from as high as 183+) and my body feels weary. I know the theory is to train your body to get it's energy from stored fat instead of carbs, but it sure is a tiring road.

And I am about sick of EGGS. That's how it looks in my head-EGGS EGGS EGGS. I had berries and a fat free Greek yogurt for breakfast today because I just couldn't face another EGG. Not sure yet what I'm going to be doing from here on out, so if anyone has any low carb breakfast ideas let me know. I'm thinking just meat. Slab o'beef and a hunk of cheese. Bacon and cheese wrapped in lettuce. Oh, and cutting your carbs makes you slightly goofy, if you haven't noticed.

Once again, I would like to sing the praises of Chromium. I'm still on this nice even keel. I've actually been pretty happy this week, which is rare for me. I'm never happy 5 or more days in a row.

Loving life!

This deserves it's own post

An update to the "See why it's so confusing post"-

Deirdre was kind enough to point out the following passage (passage? whatever it's called)

Leviticus 11:9-12

9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11 They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.
12 Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

I wasn't familiar with the passage, so I used my mad Google skills, and found this website-

http://www.godhatesshrimp.com/

I do think it drives home the point-in a silly way-just how ridiculous it is to deprive a group of people of their basic human rights because THE BIBLE SAYS SO.

Burn in Hell, Shrimp Eaters!

Randomness

I was one pound from my goal weight of 136 when we decided to have friends over for dinner. Food + Beer + Sodium = a 3.5 pound weight gain. In one day. A false gain, I've already dropped 2 back off, but still. It freaked me out a little. I'm hoping to hit 136 by Friday, since I'm taking Little Wing out for sushi for her birthday, then barbecuing at her house the next day. That's a weekend full of sodium and alcohol right there. We shall see.

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Youngest just called me to let me know he was out of school, and when I answered the phone he blurted out "MEAT!". That's my boy.

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The market hasn't called me yet to tell me my MEAT PACKAGE is ready. We need to buy a freezer, even though we have 2 refrigerators, because I hoard food and they are both full. And by the way, for a food hoarder like me to win 100 pounds of meat is like a DREAM COME TRUE.

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Here's how goddamn crazy I am. I skipped several meals last week in the interest of dropping a few pounds. I didn't have a huge calorie deficit because I ate quite a bit during the day-I just basically followed the old tale "Don't eat after blah blah o'clock" Then I started tripping myself out because the following days at work, I kept my calories VERY low. Then I skipped a few meals at home over the weekend, and something clicked in my brain-"Ahh, yes. What a feeling of power and control to skip meals. I can do this. I can hit 136-hell, I can hit 135. How about 130? Ooh yes, 130 it is."

Then I remembered what it was like to be hospitalized and threatened with feeding tubes. So I'm over it. And now, I feel like "Wow, that was a close call. I better eat and eat in case I decide to starve myself again."

Dumbass.

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And finally, I really believe that if you just keep on trying, keep plodding along, good things will happen. So hang in there. It will come around.

Learn it, Live it!

A friend of mine is going through a very hard time right now-out of work, court case regarding her daughter, etc...

I called her last night to check in on her, and I heard the strangest thing-me, giving advice that I should be taking.

"Stop beating yourself up over things you did in the past. That's a dangerous place for us to be."

"You did what you thought was right."

"You are talented and skilled-if it wasn't for this economy, things would be totally different. It's not your fault."

"Look how far you have come. You've completely changed your life-give yourself credit for all the changes you have made."

"You're surrounded by people who love you-don't forget that."

Weird, that I can say all those things when I forget them myself so easily.

Random Thought

I was just outside sweeping leaves, and I thought about how much I love my life right now, and how many times in the past I tried to end it.

It seems weird now-I have such a profound fear of death, and a strong love of life. But there were times, my God. I've taken so many pills, and had so many stitches in my arm. I see the scars as a daily reminder to appreciate and love this life I'm in.

Weird!

Edit-I wrote this entry, and when I logged in to post I realized my post from yesterday was titled "Flying By". So apparently, all that stuff I wrote below? Bullshit. I probably had the dreams because I feel like life is flying by. Get it??

The last two nights I have had the same dream-well, the same event in both dreams.

I’m standing at some random location, when I suddenly throw my arms above my head and shoot in to the sky.

The first night I was scared, and I told myself “Too high!” So I allowed myself to drift back down before I enjoyed the fall.

Last night I shot up in to the air, and I enjoyed the feeling-very exhilarating-and the scenery. It was fun looking down on the earth from that perspective.

Today, Little Wing and I looked up the meaning-


If you are feeling fear when you are flying or that you feel that you are flying too high, then it suggests that you are afraid of challenges and of success.

If you are flying with ease and enjoying the scene and landscape below, then it suggests that you are on top of a situation. You have risen above something. It may also mean that you have gained a different perspective on things. Flying dreams and the ability to control your flight is representative of your own personal sense of power.

What could it mean? How has my perspective changed in the last 2 days?

It could be the way I’ve been feeling about turning 40-the number shocks me, but
1. I don’t feel 40 and
2. I am DAMN lucky to have made it this far.

Girls like me end up in prison, on the streets, swinging from a pole, or in one institution or another. I, on the other hand, have an excellent job, my own home, family and friends who love me-and I’m (basically) sane.

I actually feel pretty good where I’m at right now.

Forty schmorty!

Reno

Hubbs, Youngest, and I went to our local pawn shop today to check out a guitar Youngest wanted. Actually, the boys went to the dump, stopped at the pawn shop on the way home, found a guitar the manager was willing to part with for $60.00, so we went back to check it out.

We brought Youngest's guitar with us, because he is in need of a case. It's a copy of a flying V-I barely know what I'm talking about here, but a standard case doesn't work for this sort of guitar, due to the shape.

Anyhow, we were waiting for the manager to get a free moment when some older man walked up and said

"Is that your flying V?"

"Yes."

"Are you selling it?"

"No."

"You know, in 1976 Ibanez made 4 flying V's before they got sued by the original manufacturer and had to stop production. I had the 4th one, and I paid $400.00 for it."

"Wow, really?"

"Yeah, but I traded it to some guy for some car parts and a bag of weed. Now it's on the wall at guitar center for $25,000.00"

"Oh, that's too bad", I said, while thinking-Hello? You do realize this is my 12 year old son you're telling this story to?

People......

The guitar we were looking at was messed up-something to do with the electronics, the sound was very scratchy. But, he did sell us a case for $5.00. It wasn't exactly the right size, but we brought it home, cut out the foam to make it fit, glued some fake fur over the foam, and Voila!! Awesome guitar case for less than $20.00.

Success!