What. The. Fuck.

So my brilliant child, in his infinite wisdom, had decided to smoke. He's 14.

I was smelling cigarette smoke in the house and I couldn't figure out why. I asked him, and he denied denied denied.

He went camping with friends yesterday, and after he left Hubbs called me and said there was a pack of cigarettes missing from his purchase the night before.

So I tossed his room. And what did I find? 2 empty packs of cigs, our missing white lighter, and his ashtray. Which is a metal coin bank that belonged to my dead mother. My dead mother!

I know kids do as we do and not as we say, but he has seen me struggle with quitting. What in the name of all that is holy would even make him think this was a good idea?

He'll be home this evening, and boy is he in for a big surprise. I already took his computer out of his room, and I'll be taking his cell phone as well. And of course, grounded until we decide he's not anymore. I'm not even giving him a time frame.

Silly fucker.

I know I shouldn't feel guilty, kids experiment, and even kids that have parents who don't smoke pick up the habit. But I do. I really, really do.

Youngest

Back story-Youngest's "real" dad has been in and out of prison since I was 3 months pregnant. He's an addict, and has randomly been in and out of Y's life the last several years. We received a letter from him this week after not hearing from him for at least a year-he's in rehab.

I got a phone call today from the vice-principal of Y's school-

"There's been an incident-Y was pushed down-he's not hurt, but I want you to know what led to this."

What led to it is this-Y gets bullied at school-he is not an average boy, he's an artsy-fartsy kind of guy-not into sports, all the girls love him, etc...

He started, about 3 weeks ago, telling another boy in his chorus class that he is stupid, and can't sing.

The boy finally snapped today, knocked Y to the ground, and told him "Quit talking shit or I'm going to kick your ass."

I have raised my child better than that. We DO NOT bully-and whatever you are going through, let's talk about it-don't take it out on someone else.

I knew when we received the letter from his "dad" that this was going to be a bad week. It sucks-I'm torn between protecting him and not letting him see the letter, or being honest and telling him "Hey dude, we got a letter from your dad."

Apparently, the principal interviewed a few disinterested third parties, decided that this has in fact been going on for 3 weeks, and had both boys in his office.

Y at first said he couldn't remember if he had been talking smack, then kind of admitted it-and apologized to the boy.

When I spoke with Y after school, I said "You do realize you're in trouble, right?"

"Why? I didn't do anything! The principal also talked to kids who said I was innocent!"

What's a parent to do? I want to believe my son, but come on -you confessed-AND apologized!

When I got home, I told him this-

"We're going to have this conversation based on the assumption that you did what you were accused of. Number 1-are you being bullied at school?"

"Yes."

"Ok, so you know how it feels. You are are not, under any circumstances, allowed to do that to another child. I know it's not cool to tell or whatever, but if you are having problems at school you have to talk about it. If you don't want me to do anything about it, that's fine, but at the very least you have to VENT."

"Number 2-you are NEVER allowed to confess to something you didn't do (He claimed he confessed and apologized just to shut the principal up). I always have your back, and if you are innocent, I will fight to the death for you. But how can I do that when you confess?"

"Ok"

Then he broke down, and cried and cried. I told him to tell me what he's going through right now, and it led back to his dad.

My theory is this-he was probably messing with that boy, because he's getting bullied and it trickles down, and god knows what happened today-he mouthed off and the other kid snapped. I can relate to the other kid-I remember very well the same shit happening to me in 7th grade, and I finally snapped and beat the girl down. But it's not acceptable.

I think the letter from his dad just set him off. He told me the day after he received it "Everything was fine, then he had to write again."

I asked him to write a letter to his dad, and tell him the things that were bothering him-he's a grown man, he needs to know what pain his behavior causes.

I'm also going to write to him and tell him this is it-if you go off the deep end again, I will just throw away every letter you send. Then Y can make his own decisions regarding dad when he's 18.

There is nothing worse than seeing your children in pain, there really isn't.

Make it STOP

I have had a really bad case of the wants lately. I'm not normally like this, and I've been studying myself trying to figure out why.

I think I'm focusing on stupid things instead of focusing on the things that are really bothering me. Clothes, money, whatever. When really-who cares? I have everything I need, and I mean everything. My husband adores me, and there is nothing he wouldn't do for me. My children are healthy, happy, and safe. My home is my own. I love my car. I have a semi well paying job. So why do I suddenly find myself comparing me to everyone around me?

Hubbs taught me a valuable lesson last night-"Run your own race." Instead of worrying about what she has, or how much money he makes, just live your own life. If you waste your time comparing yourself to other people you will go insane. So, run your own race.

I'm trying-I really am. But right now, running my own race means focusing on me, and I just can't.

My cat is on the downhill slide. It happened again, and now I'm sure-he is losing bladder control in his sleep. I know it's just a cat, blah blah blah, but I am severely fucked in the head over this.

My son's (I don't even want to say father, because Hubbs is his father) dna donor didn't even send a card or call on his 13th birthday. He's a teenager now, and that ass couldn't even acknowledge it? It broke my heart when Youngest looked at me and said "Was there anything in the mail for me?" and I had to say "No."

Life is too much for me right now, it really is. It's been a solid week that I've been trapped in this mood, and I just want it to stop. I'm tired. And oh so very sad. Deep down, heart broken sad.

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

Youngest: There's a teacher at my school who came up to me and asked me who did my hair. She's crazy, and I've heard stories that she was in an insane asylum. She shouldn't be allowed to teach.

Me: Why?

Youngest: Because what if she goes crazy again and does something weird while she's in class.

Me: Just because you're crazy doesn't mean you're dangerous. Hello, look at me!

Youngest: You're not crazy, you're just weird.

Random Quotes From Oldest

I was going through my old emails looking for something, when I ran across these gems-

"mom, you're a bastard, you passed on your overthinker gene to me. Sometimes I wish I had my mothers eyes and my fathers carelessness"

*************************************************************************************

Me, to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer: "All of the other soups….used to laugh and call soup names……they never let poor soup……join in Lula’s tummy games

I'm having soup"

Oldest: "Then one overcast winter day, Lula came to say, soupy with your nu-tri-tion, wont you join my feed the belly mission. now Lula aint grumpy, because her belly's full, and everyone knows that soupy, is good when it's hot not cool."

************************************************************************************


"TeleShanking can be achieved by pressing the imaginary button on your phone that would drive a 6" steel spike through the ear of the person on the other end."

************************************************************************************


Oldest, regarding my Scientology theories: "I love that you are crazy."

************************************************************************************

"I do believe in the next month I will be maintaining my own flock of egg laying hens. YAY!"

************************************************************************************

"Chuck Norris, skin ever so porous
Master of the fist so glorious
Everlasting beard of beauty
When called to arms The Chuck performs his duty

Thank you Chuck "

************************************************************************************

Poor Kid

I took Youngest to get his hair cut last night, and the girl who cut it is the one who cut it before. She did a really good job last time, so I have no idea what happened this time.

He looks like he has girl hair. I feel SO bad for him. I almost let him stay home from school today, but then I thought what if we can’t fix it until Friday? I can’t let him miss 3 days of school. I also thought it would be good for him to face his fears head on, and not hide in the house like I do.

I wish I would have went with my first instinct and let him stay home. He just called and said kids have been making fun of him all day. My heart is officially broken for him.

Anyhow, I’m leaving work early to take him to a barber so we can fix it. And hopefully the kids at school will find someone else to pick on tomorrow. Little ratfuckers.

So……Tired…….

We had quite the eventful weekend here in Lulaland. We spent Saturday installing our last window, and I FINALLY started painting my living room. We bought the house almost 2 years ago, and it took me this long to decide on a color. It turned out beautiful.

Sunday we played tourist and took Youngest to Virginia City. We had lunch, and I decided to splurge and have a hot pastrami sandwich. I skipped breakfast, and I figured with all the walking it would all work out. WRONG! I gained 5 pounds IN ONE DAY! I know it’s mostly the sodium and it will drop right back down tomorrow, but it was shocking to see my weight go from 138 to 143 in one day!

After lunch Hubbs and I took an old time photo (Youngest didn’t want to)-me as saloon girl and Hubbs as my cowboy. It turned out well-Hubbs has the perfect old west look about him. A couple of tattoos are showing, but it’s very cute. If I can scan it and upload it I’ll share it here.

We decided to have a couple beers with lunch, and that turned it to a couple more once we got home. I didn’t feel like cooking dinner, so we took the boy to a little pub and had sandwiches for dinner. I tried to have chicken wings thinking they were the most diet friendly thing on the menu, but they were so salty (?) I only ate about 4 of them.

So, I lost time on my non-drinking streak, but I am more than willing to start over. I don’t like feeling this tired-it makes for a very unproductive work day.

How was your weekend?

So Very, Very True

Lists Galore!: 11 rules kids won't learn in school


Rule #1. Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teenager uses the phrase "it's not fair" 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule #1.

Rule #2. The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as your school does. It'll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that it's not fair. (See Rule No. 1)

Rule #3. Sorry, you won't make $50,000 a year right out of high school. And you won't be a vice president or have a car phone either. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a Gap label.

Rule #4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he is not going ask how you feel about it.

Rule #5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren't embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.

Rule #6. It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of "It's my life," and "You're not the boss of me," and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it or you'll sound like a baby boomer.

Rule #7. Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents' generation try delousing the closet in your bedroom.

Rule #8. Life is not divided into semesters, and you don't get summers off. Nor even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And you don't get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on.

Rule #9. Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs. Your friends will not be perky or as polite as Jennifer Aniston.

Rule #10. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.

Rule #11. Enjoy this while you can. Sure, parents are a pain, school's a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it was to be kid. Maybe you should start now.

You're welcome.

Excessive

We had a very nice weekend. Hubbs had a great party, and Saturday we spent the day with my brother and his family. I love family days.

Saturday night, I decided to tie one on and thought it would be best if we slept at Brothers. As we were sitting and chatting, Youngest said "All you guys ever do is drink, smoke, and go to the bar."

Now, that isn't true. Obviously. But the fact that that is Youngest's perception of us-it makes me want to quit even more. So, I had zero cigarettes yesterday, and 3 so far today. That will be my smoking. The morning smoke will be the hardest to give up, so I'm starting with the evening.

We have beer in the house. I don't know how many, but it would make me very very happy if that beer is all the beer we have for, oh, I don't know-the next month?

Life isn't that bad. I do not need to be medicated to get through it. Besides, I'm charging everyone for each day I don't smoke. I've made $2.00 so far.

Woo Hoo!

The power was out today at work, so we were cut loose at 11am. I had a great day with Youngest-more tomorrow!

Happy Friday!

Proud Of The Boy

Youngest had his friends over 2 days in a row. They had lunch, washed daddies truck, and apparently had a popcorn fight.

Nothing too bad seems to have happened. I have a hard time trusting people in general, and it's very hard for me to trust my kid remembering what I was like. It's a learning experience for the both of us. But I think we are both doing well, and hopefully will continue to do so.

Go us!

I've Had Enough Grandchildren So Far

Today, Youngest is having a friend over to our house for the first time without adult supervision(that we can prove). A female friend.

I've told him all sorts of scary things, like sex kills, causes sores on your private parts, and makes babies. (parenting by fear)

I've also told him that if blows this, the wrath of his parents will be something he has never experienced. He will live in complete boredom and disgrace for the rest of his days. I will beat him in the kneecaps with his cell phone and light his computer on fire. I will put him in.........daycare.

The funny thing is, I'm more afraid of my house getting broken or my cats getting out than I am of him doing something he shouldn't.

I really want him to have more freedom, and it's hard for me because 1. I was a terrible child and 2. I have seen the horrific things that happen to children in this world. (reasons for #1-see #2)

At least this way he is home safe, I can call and check up on him, I can actually drop by at any time. I'm sure it will be fine.

Right?

He's Home

Youngest is home. I cried when we picked him up at the airport. It was such a relief to have him home and safe. I hadn't realized just how much this past week has been weighing on me.

Hubbs and I are committed to not drinking during the week, (again, I know. But you can't stop trying) and doing more family activities. Frisbee, bike riding, whatever. Youngest may balk-he's at the age where parents are stupid-but too bad. I want to be a better influence and a better parent.

And I will not let the honeymoon be over.

You Know I Love You Baby

"And I know you love me too. But the fun that day, didn't start until-we left on our honeymoon."

Sorry, I have Everclear stuck in my head.

Youngest is flying in Saturday afternoon, so since our honeymoon got cut a little short, hubbs and I have decided to take Friday off of work. But the final fun will start tonight, which I won't detail because I believe I have relatives reading this blog.

Tomorrow morning we are going shopping (I've lost so much weight my clothes are falling off of me) (by the way world, I am very proud of myself for losing all this weight in a healthy, legal way. Drugs bad. Chicken breast good.)-and after shopping we are going to use the $100.00 gift certificate a friend gave us and go out for sushi. Then we will come home, and do some more of the things that married people do, then wake up tomorrow refreshed, relaxed, and ready to spend time with the young one.

This mini honeymoon has been very good for us. I think we have only argued twice, and both times alcohol was involved so I don't put a lot of importance on those. Youngest is old enough to entertain himself, but it was nice to not worry about dinners and activities and the who the hell is the kid talking to now?

I promised I would work hard on keeping the current mood going-of course the whole atmosphere in the house changes when Youngest is around, but I do understand the importance of spending quality alone time with hubbs. So we shall see.

I can't WAIT until tomorrow!

Stress Level, Defcon 1 AGAIN

I received a bill from my dentist yesterday for my bridge for $3300.00. Apparently neither of my insurance companies will cover it due to a "pre extraction clause". So much for pre-approval.

When I call, when they ask me how I'm going to pay for it,I think I'm going to copy what my son told his latest bill collector.

"I don't know, I've been told that I have a pretty sweet ass, so I was thinking about maybe putting that to work"

Isn't the current state of our country wonderful?

Stress Level, Defcon 3

It's lower, but not back to normal.

Youngest's other family is going to fly him home this weekend. God only knows the price of that ticket. Well, actually I do, it's about $375.00. I told them I would pay them back, but it is going to have to be payments. I just don't have that kind of money.

Cousin does agree with the fact that Youngest needs a non stop flight, or at least a flight where he doesn't change planes. But still, I would rather be the one making the travel plans.

Honeymoon is now ending 3 weeks sooner than we expected. We wanted to camp one more time, and have a date night (which we are going to try to sneak in Friday-I have a gift card to an excellent seafood restaurant).

I just don't like change, and feeling helpless. But I'm sure it will all work out.

Right?

Don't Bother

The new Adam Sandler movie is lame.

But, it was nice spending the day with the kid. We shopped, had sandwiches, saw the movie. Not a bad day at all.

Who Would Have Thought?

Sunday is laundry day. I like to start the week off with every speck of clothing in the house clean. When I was folding a load of jeans, I saw what I thought was grease on a pair of my husbands pants. "Thats weird, I don't remember him getting greasy this week."
Then I noticed it was on every pair. I was very pissed, and confused because I've never had grease spread in the washer before. I took them back out to re-wash, when I heard a clunking in the dryer. You will never guess what it was.

An eyeliner pencil. Black. THAT WAS IN MY SON'S POCKET. Yes, my son thinks he's some kind of emo kid, and he thinks he can wear eyeliner.

I never thought I would hear myself tell my son he was not allowed to wear makeup.

So, $200 worth of ruined clothes later-hopefully he gets the picture. I'm making him buy my replacement clothes. I told him he can make payments, I won't take the money all at once, but my favorite Levi's, my Guess jeans, and a new denim skirt-all ruined.

Damn kids these days.

Fuck

When my mother died, she had over 300 pairs of earrings. 300. I am not joking. She bought a pair every time she went shopping, and friends and family brought them back for her as souvenirs whenever they traveled. I gave most of them to the battered women's shelter when she died, but I kept the souvenir pairs, the heirloom pairs, and the pairs that I knew meant something to her. None of them were really anything I liked, but I liked having them.

After going through my mom's jewelry recently, I saw a souvenir pair (I think from her brother) of real Japanese maple leaves dipped in silver-very touristy, you've probably seen something similar. They weren't too bad, and I was sick of wearing the same earrings every day because I recently lost an earring my son had given me for my birthday. (which broke my heart, by the way-this becomes important later)

I wore the earrings to work, and work friend complimented them, and I thought "Wow, they are cute. They will join regular rotation"

I lost one today. I lost one of my dead mother's earrings. I felt bad enough when I lost one of the hoops the kid bought me for my birthday, but that felt nothing like this. I cried AT WORK. IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. I had everyone help, and we searched the bathroom, the warehouse, my office, EVERYONE'S office-work friend and I even retraced the steps of our lunchtime walk. No luck.

This is the second earring I have lost in a month, both of them very important to me. I think I will start buying cheap Wal-Mart earrings so I don't care if I lose them. Or maybe I will switch to necklaces.

Whatever. FUCK.

The Herp

From the kid:

"A great man once said, glitter is the herpes of craft supplies. Once you get that shit on you, you won't ever get it off."