Friday, July 30, 2010

Friday, July 23, 2010

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Patience

is something I have very little of. I'm in the running for two jobs, which is good, but the waiting game is killing me! I want to know NOW. On the plus side, my house has never been cleaner.

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I'm very angry at the Catholic church. I'm not a fan of organized religion anyway, but this nonsense of comparing women in the clergy to be just as much of a crime as the sexual abuse of children is really fucking pissing me off.

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I've been cruising along the past several days not missing beer one bit. Then yesterday I had the crave bad. Might as well get it out of my system, right?

WRONG.

I feel like an asshole. Spending money on booze is a stupid thing to do. And I have a headache. But again, on the plus side, it made me realize how much I really wasn't missing it. So, back on track.

Besides, no longer working at a candy factory combined with not drinking and the weight is just melting off of me!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

So, dont?

Saying I can't handle the stress of job security anymore really made me realize to just stop stressing over it. So I lose my job-so what? I've hated it here for a while, and who knows what windows of opportunity will open up for me?

So I'm over it. I'll just do what I can to keep myself occupied during the day, and keep my eyes peeled for other opportunities.

Feeling content in 3...2....

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Just when you thought it was safe.....

There I was, cruising along with a deep feeling of happiness and contentment, when BOOM! It blows right up.

I totally can not handle the stress of wondering about my job anymore. I just can't. And I am constantly on the look out for a new job, and unless I want to take a cut in pay there is nothing. It's so frustrating. Do I abandon the ship before it sinks? Or stay loyal and hang in there until the last minute?

It doesn't help that there is an arrogant douchebag here that I'm pretty sure is stabbing me in the back at every moment. He took my work from me today, then an hour later when I DID MY JOB he acted like I was supposed to ask him permission or something.

It also doesn't help that Hubbs is home sick today so I am left alone with my own thoughts and to drive me insane.

I know we can and will handle whatever comes out way, but this anxiety is killing me.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Therapy

is god damn amazing by the way. My therapist is on maternity leave right now, and I can't WAIT for her to get back so I can share my progress!

This past weekend, when going out with Youngest, I almost had a panic attack-once in the theater, and once on the way to the restaurant.

I used the techniques I've been taught, and presto! No panic attack. That's not to say I wasn't nervous and shaky but I was able to get myself under control enough to enjoy my day.

I also just got back from taking Youngest to the airport. Not only did I get him on his plane without crying and freaking out, I sat BY MYSELF until his plane took off. Then I walked BY MYSELF through the airport, to my car, and came back to work. In past years, not only would I start drinking somewhere during this drama, there is no way in hell I could have done it alone. Or gone back to work.

Pretty god damn proud of myself right now!

Happy!

I have been so damn happy lately. I spent the weekend with my family-making delicious food, going to the movies and lunch with Youngest, watching fireworks, etc... I must have looked at them about 100 times this weekend and said "I'm just so happy!"

Of course, that must come to a screeching halt.

I received a text this morning from someone very close to me-the wife is cheating.

I'm crushed! I really am. I don't know what to do or say to help. I love them both, and I'm trying not to be judgy, but what the fuck? I can't even wrap my brain around that level of disrespect.

Anyway, I'm going to try hard to keep my spirits up, but I really am very sad. It's such a helpless feeling too-there really is nothing I can do but be here for him. I can't even imagine the pain and heartbreak.

Stupid, stupid girl.