Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Well done.

Things you might not know about schizophrenia, in comic book form. There but for the grace of God go any of us.

Quite a few of us go there, actually.

link via


I hate it when I flip for really no apparent reason. Yesterday not only was I bitchy and mean, I ate every single thing that was put in front of me, good for me or not. Mostly not.

So now I'm left wondering what the hell just happened. I've been doing so well lately.

Here's what I think.

1. My little sneaking bits of carbs and sugar are messing with my moods. I swear, it seems like the more I binge, the more my moods go haywire. So, that's easily fixed. I really expected to gain like 3 pounds after yesterday-you know it's bad when you're too embarrassed to tell your husband what you ate. But I didn't, I actually dropped. I feel like I dodged a bullet with that one, so my resolve is much stronger today.

2. When interviewing for the Crisis Call Center, they asked if I had overcome my various "issues". Apparently the training is very intensive and brings up a lot of painful emotions. "Of course! My mental health is stellar! I'll be fine!" Which is for the most part true, but now I'm wondering if I'm doing a little "checking out", mentally preparing myself for the floodgates to open here in a week. That is actually one of the worse things I do-isolate, get wrapped up in myself, and totally lose the ability to communicate.

I guess time will tell with both issues. But I feel I have at least identified what could be wrong, (and being aware is the first step blah blah blah) because really those are the only two things that have changed.

Well, that and the fact that one of the diamonds fell out of my wedding ring yesterday. That REALLY pissed me off-especially since I will never buy (or receive) another diamond again. Makes fixing it a little difficult.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

What. The. Frick.

Irritable? Check

Emotional to the point of tears? Check

Argumentative? Check

Carb binge? Check-no "good" carbs for me either, no way.

Sugar binge? Check

I have no idea what the frick is going on with me.

Friday, September 25, 2009

I'm in!

I just got back from my interview at the Crisis Call Center-and I'm in!

The interview was very intense-tears were shed, hugs were dispensed-and at the end of it she said "Ok, see you October 7th for training."

I was shocked-"I'm in?"

"Yes, see you then!"

She also said that I have overcome so much, and that I have a lot be proud of. That made me feel good-it's nice hearing it from other people every now and again.

The training is going to be a little intense, especially the first week. But I'm really looking forward to this new adventure.

Go me!

Friday Funny

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Shocked, shocked I tells ya!

Since starting on this weight loss/healthy living journey, my goals have changed many times. My weight loss goals have changed, the type of food I want to eat has changed, my workouts have changed, etc..

I was a firm believer in calories in/calories out. I thought low carb dieting was bullshit, and I was sure that working out to various dvd's as well as doing 20 minutes of cardio a day would get me the results I wanted.

Granted, I did lose the initial 20 pounds that way, but my body still didn't look like I wanted it to, and I still, after all this time, could never hit the magical weight of 135 pounds. I was "skinny fat"-thin but not toned. I was somewhat in shape, but I was not strong.

Today, after following my new plan for about 1-2 months, I hit 135.5. I could not believe my eyes!

I've been following the advice of Mark, from Mark's Daily Apple. I had been a reader of his site for a very long time, but I didn't quite believe the majority of his advice. Eliminate processed foods? No problem. But cut out my cardio? Give up my low cal bread and wraps? No WAY!

I finally decided to jump into it once I realized I was truly getting no where.

Now, I spend FAR less time working out, I basically eat whatever I want (avoiding grains and high carb fruits)and I've never been happier!

I do still have the occasional sandwich, and of course beer (and candy!) but I do follow the 80/20 rule (eat right 80% of the time, 20% can be cheating). And I don't only do it for weight loss-once I learned the effect sugar and grains have on your body it was kind of easy to quit.

I am still battling beer and candy-but overall I am 99% better than I was a year ago. I'm stronger, healthier, and I have never looked better!

For more information on Mark and his Primal Blueprint, click here.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Moving Forward

So not drinking over the weekend? FAIL. But I don't feel too badly about it. My weight is lower than it was last Monday, I spent quality time with my husband, my kid, and my girlfriend, and nothing terrible happened. So there ya go.

Friday I have an appointment at the Crisis Call Center to interview for the volunteer position. I am very nervous for a variety of reasons-what keeps running through my brain the most is the fact that I can't even read the news without crying, will I really be able to keep it together and help someone in a crisis? I guess there's only one way to find out. I'm hoping that helping others will not only get me out of my own damn head for a minute, but will maybe help give me the tools so the world just doesn't hurt me so much.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Book Review

The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death by Charlie Huston.

I LOVED this book! Web is an unlikely hero(not only does he do crime scene clean up, but he's kind of a dick)-a traumatic event has led him down a path of complete assholery-but he redeems himself by getting the bad guys and saving the girl. And discovering a few things about himself in the process.

Read it!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Book Review

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands by Chelsea Handler.

There have been a lot of reviews of this book calling it hilarious-she is rather funny on her show after all-but not once did I even laugh, let alone "laugh out loud" or "laugh my hiney off". All I could think for the majority of the book was "Please tell me they used a condom"

Good for her for embracing her totally shallow life-but hilarious it was not.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Here we go again

Blah blah blah low carb blah blah blah off the wagon blah blah blah quit drinking for 2 weeks.

I'm pretty sure I've said all this before, but we're trying the no drinking thing again-weekends included. Just for two weeks, but I'm really curious to see if alcohol makes that much difference in the way my body looks. I still have some stubborn belly fat that doesn't seem to want to budge. And getting hammered every weekend, which in turn makes me blow off working out, is not helping.

Besides, I'm looking forward to a weekend that doesn't go by in a blur.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Never forget

Manuel L. "Manny" Lopez, 54, was killed September 11, 2001.

A decision was made by Mr. Lopez that day-the decision to get out of his warm bed, kiss his beautiful family good-bye, and simply do what he did-provide for his family.

10 minutes before the first plane hit the World Trade Center, Mr. Lopez had a conversation with his wife regarding an upcoming house remodeling project. Mrs. Lopez heard the news of the attack, and immediately tried to call him back, to no avail.

I like to think their last words to each other were "I love you."

He was a man who believed in the American dream-immigrating from the Philippines, he worked hard to create a better life for his family.

He had a love of electronic gadgets and designer clothes.

He had a wife and 2 children who loved him dearly.

He had a wonderful sense of humor.

"He joked a lot and he loved to go shopping," his wife added.

It was the example of hard work, done with a sense of humor, that his son remembered. "He wanted to show me a better life," his son said.

I like to think that he succeeded.

Rest in peace in Mr. Lopez. You are not forgotten.

Source-Remember: September 11, 2001 at via

To contribute to next years Project 2996, click here

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Please help

If you're reading this, chances are you have a blog of your own.

Do me a favor? Go to and sign up. Let's pay tribute to those we lost September 11th. It won't take you long-and it will help keep the memories of those we lost alive.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

He just gets me

Me: "I love you so much I want to punch you in the face as hard as I can"

Hubbs: "I love you too baby"

Friday, September 4, 2009

Thursday, September 3, 2009

So excited!

Here is my dream life-

Working for the battered women's shelter, or the suicide helpline, or as a psych tech in the children's ward-anything to give back the help I've received in my life. (really super uber dream come true? Psychologist)

The problem is, even after 2-4 years of schooling, I'd start out making less than what I'm making now.

So I'm stuck in the weird position of wanting to help, but not being able to quit my job, go back to school , etc.. (Mortgage, braces, medical bills, oh my!)

We stopped by our local grocery store tonight, and our favorite checker said-

"I'm so glad you guys came in! This is my last night, I have a new job-volunteer coordinator for the crisis call line! It's what I went to school for!"

I congratulated her, and told her-"I'm jealous. That is a dream come true job for me, but I can't afford to quit my job and go back to school."

Her response-"Volunteer!"


So, I'm signing up to go through the 74 hours of training required to be a crisis call center volunteer. Not only will I be able to help others, but I can keep my job. What's one night a week?

You need to find the things that make life worthwhile and more fulfilling wherever you can. And at the ripe old age of 40, I think I can help. I WANT to help.

I have the blessing of my family-most important. And I'll be giving back the things I have learned/lived through.

I can't wait!

Where am I?

I realized this morning that even though life feels so hectic right now, and I haven't spent the time with Hubbs that I've wanted to-I'm actually pretty happy right now.

Of course, there are things I would change if I could-but deep inside, I'm good.

Happy girl!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't
think for themselves.

6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on
people's doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake,
hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a
second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie
to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are
groups to help you stop.

I know, I know....I'm a heathen......


Oh, Life

Life is suddenly very busy-and going by so quickly. I swear, having Youngest away all Summer has made me lose my parenting skills. What do I make for dinner? Do I need to do laundry? Is there breakfast food in the house?

And of course, in between working out, running whatever errands I need to run, and cooking dinner, I feel like I have no Hubbs time. I know it's all just a matter of finding my routine again, but I'm a little overwhelmed with it all right now.

That and the fact that I'm feeling less than stellar is really making me want to just stay in bed for a day to get my head right.

Book Review

The Story Sisters by Alice Hoffman.

I LOVED this book! I actually forgot how much I love Alice Hoffman. She's taken the story of three sisters (last name Story) and weaved such an incredible, beautiful tale. I cried several times at the things the girls went through-for each other and against each other. I HIGHLY recommend this book.

Book Review

Just After Sunset by Stephen King.

A collection of short stories, written by Stephen King. It's what you'd expect-there were some very good stories though.

Best book review ever, no?