Friday, August 29, 2008

Thursday, August 28, 2008


Lists Galore!: 10 fun puns

My favorite-

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


I'm not feeling that well today. I'm not sick, I just have a general feeling of malaise.

I went to the eye doctor, my eyes are a bit worse, which I knew. I hated all the glasses in the place, so I don't have new ones yet.

I spilled Go Girl energy drink all over my white shirt.

Work Friend stayed home with a sick child.

Had a slight tiff with husband.

Husband doesn't think he and Youngest can join me on the combination business/visiting Oldest and his family trip.

I forgot my chips at home.

Nothing hugely major, just.......sigh.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

It's Me!

more animals


Hubbs gets off of work a half an hour before I do. When I got home last night, he wasn't there.

"Maybe I left earlier than I thought"

"Maybe he had to stay late"

"Maybe he's dead on the side of the road, and I'm not going to know until the highway patrol comes knocking on my door at midnight"

"Oh my God, who would I call to come stay with Youngest? How can I face life without him? I knew this was too good to be true. I KNEW something terrible was going to happen."

Hubbs pulls up, about 30 minutes late.

"Where were you? I thought you were dead!"

"I told you I had to go drug test for my new job"

"Oh yeah"

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

So Tired........

I am EXHAUSTED. Things have been pretty busy lately, getting all Youngest's school supplies, Work Friends housewarming party, etc....

Usually after a night or two of good sleep I feel refreshed and caught up. Not this time.

Nap time.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

What The?

I planted a garden this year, my first one. We have a compost heap, and when we were adding the soil to the garden area, I was throwing random seeds into an area I now call "The side garden".

I had no idea anything was going to grow there. Not only are the seeds growing, the area is larger than my original planned garden.

There are definitely butternut squash, and what I thought were acorn squash. Now, I'm not so sure. So please have a peek at the picture, and if you have any idea what that is, leave it in the comments.

I'm thinking pumpkin.

Thursday, August 21, 2008


I'm a Lamborghini Murcielago!

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Sadly, Me

more animals

Self Aware?

About 2 weeks ago, I went into this binge period of eating, drinking, and smoking. Add a little depression to the mix, and things have been a little unbalanced in my head.

I could not figure out why I had no self control. It was freaking me out because after losing 20 pounds, any weight gain makes me feel like I'm going to gain it all back.

The other night, Hubbs lay next to me on the bed and asked what was going on with me.

"I don't know, I'm fine."

"You've been this way for 2 weeks. Maybe it's time to talk to me."

"I will if I need to."

The next morning, I realized that 2 weeks ago was when he put in his 2 week notice. So maybe me wanting to eat constantly was a reaction to that. I have serious food hoarding issues (Work Friend thinks it's because I was raised Mormon, I think it's because we were poor). If I have less than 5 pounds of frozen chicken breasts in the freezer, I freak. If I can see the shelves in the refrigerator, I panic.

Once I realized that was the issue, I calmed down. I did not overeat yesterday, I only had 4 cigarettes, and I had no alcohol.

Gluttony, thy name is childhood trauma.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Book Review

Chang and Eng by Darin Strauss.

I'm starting to like historical fiction. It's a nice way to get a glimpse (fictional though it may be) into the minds and lives of historical figures. The book Nefertiti was my first of the genre-and I loved it.

I enjoyed Chang and Eng as well. It wasn't the type of book I had trouble putting down, but it was enjoyable (as well as sad).

Maybe it's my age showing again, but I've discovered I (sometimes) have compassion. And this book made me sad for the twins. Though you have to admit, they had a hell of a life considering the time in which they lived.

So Very, Very True

Lists Galore!: 11 rules kids won't learn in school

Rule #1. Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teenager uses the phrase "it's not fair" 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule #1.

Rule #2. The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as your school does. It'll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that it's not fair. (See Rule No. 1)

Rule #3. Sorry, you won't make $50,000 a year right out of high school. And you won't be a vice president or have a car phone either. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a Gap label.

Rule #4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he is not going ask how you feel about it.

Rule #5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren't embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.

Rule #6. It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of "It's my life," and "You're not the boss of me," and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it or you'll sound like a baby boomer.

Rule #7. Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents' generation try delousing the closet in your bedroom.

Rule #8. Life is not divided into semesters, and you don't get summers off. Nor even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And you don't get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on.

Rule #9. Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs. Your friends will not be perky or as polite as Jennifer Aniston.

Rule #10. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.

Rule #11. Enjoy this while you can. Sure, parents are a pain, school's a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it was to be kid. Maybe you should start now.

You're welcome.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Book Review

Requiem, Mass. by John Dufresne

It didn't float my boat like I thought it would, but it did have some unexpected twists and turns, which I like. (predictable books are a pet peeve of mine)
I skipped large portions where he was talking about his current life-I was more interested in his childhood.
A good book. I'll try more of his work.


We had a very nice weekend. Hubbs had a great party, and Saturday we spent the day with my brother and his family. I love family days.

Saturday night, I decided to tie one on and thought it would be best if we slept at Brothers. As we were sitting and chatting, Youngest said "All you guys ever do is drink, smoke, and go to the bar."

Now, that isn't true. Obviously. But the fact that that is Youngest's perception of us-it makes me want to quit even more. So, I had zero cigarettes yesterday, and 3 so far today. That will be my smoking. The morning smoke will be the hardest to give up, so I'm starting with the evening.

We have beer in the house. I don't know how many, but it would make me very very happy if that beer is all the beer we have for, oh, I don't know-the next month?

Life isn't that bad. I do not need to be medicated to get through it. Besides, I'm charging everyone for each day I don't smoke. I've made $2.00 so far.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

New Favorite Saying

Hubbs: I have no clean jeans in the closet.

Me: You know why? Cause they are all in the dryer. Ooh, wicked burn!

Hubbs: I didn't even say anything bad.

Me: Just let me have my fun.

Friday, August 15, 2008


It's funny how childhood events haunt us in our adult lives. Even after the forgiveness and acceptance, things still come up and bite you in the ass.

We moved to Reno when I was 8 years old. We hadn't been there very long when my birthday came around. I was the new kid, and didn't have very many friends. My mother decided a birthday party would be a great way to make friends, so we sent out about 20 invitations.

No one came. Not one child showed up to my party.

To this day, whenever there is any sort of event, I am convinced no one is going to show. I had a birthday party a few years ago, and tons of people showed, but that didn't change my anxiety when I had a housewarming party. Again, a ton of people showed.

Hubbs has his going away party tonight, and I kept thinking "What if no one shows?"
17 people have already accepted, plus one guy even showed up last night (apparently he can't read).

Anxiety, thy name is childhood trauma.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

What A Mouthy Broad

I was actually told that to my face once, several years ago. And I swear it has gotten worse. Though I don't know if "worse" is an accurate description-I feel like I finally have the confidence to more assertive, and call people on their ridiculous bullshit. That's not necessarily a bad thing, though many would probably call me a bitch.

A few weeks ago Hubbs and I were at Local Dive Bar having a few beers, when Garden Friend shows up with his new (to us) girlfriend. We actually didn't even know he had a girlfriend, but once she opened her mouth we knew why.

My tattoo was very red from getting lasered that day, and she said "Why are you getting it lasered? It's a lot cheaper to just use facial scrub and peroxide. " Riiight......

Then, when I was outside smoking, she bummed a cigarette. Then a light. "Ok" I'm thinking. "One time".

Then, a while later, out smoking again just to get away from her.
"Can I have a cigarette?"
"No, this is my last one"
"Can I have a hit off of yours?"
"Uh, no."

By this time I was VERY irritated. I don't like girls who have to be the center of attention, I don't like know it alls, and I really don't like people I just met wanting to share germs.

A bit later, we were all sharing a table, when she says "You know, I better not accidentally get pregnant."

My head spun around a few times before I said "How in the hell do you accidentally get pregnant? Your fertility is your responsibility, and you will know that once you're raising a kid on your own wondering what happened to the man you tried to trap."

Garden Friend looked at me and said "I think I love you."

She didn't say one more word to me the entire night.

They broke up shortly after.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


I would like to write a book of short stories. I have done/been through some absolutely crazy shit, and I think writing it down would 1. help heal me and 2. maybe even help others.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a short story. I don't know if it's any good, it makes me cry but I lived it.

My problem? I can't even let anyone read it to get a disinterested parties opinion. I actually had it in my hand this morning, ready to show work friend, and I locked it back up in my bedroom.

If it's horrible, I would like to know. Then I know I need to just write for myself. If I maybe have a speck of talent, I would like to know that too.

My life is still ruled by fear. I need to work on that.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I Made A Lol Cat

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

The Wedding

Yesterday was the wedding. I met my step dad's new wife (my step step mother?) for the first time. She actually seems very nice."Our home is open to you at any time" Of course, I had a million thoughts going through my head during the whole thing, like when the pastor spit out the old 'in sickness and in health' b.s. All I could think was, "I hope you take care of this one better than you did my mother." Then I immediately felt guilty.

I was very teary eyed, but it was a wedding, so I think I blended in rather well. There was supposed to be a dinner after, but my brother didn't go, and I really wasn't comfortable spending the evening with a bunch of people I didn't know, so we declined as well.

As we were leaving the church, my niece threw her arms around step step mom and said "Are you my new Grandma?" That's when I lost it.

Fucking A, I miss my mother.

Book Review

Starvation Heights by Gregg Olsen

This wasn't a bad book, I just had trouble getting through it for some reason. It was interesting, and pretty well written.

I didn't finish. I cheated and investigated how it all turned out. Thanks Google!

Monday, August 11, 2008


I was talking with work friend, telling her I don't know what's wrong with me lately, I'm eating and drinking with absolutely no self control.

Me: "Oh yes, I have to leave early today, it's my step dad's wedding"

Instant waterworks! I cried at work!

Work Friend: "It is the wedding. That's what's wrong with you."

At least women crying at weddings are a common sight. It's just another reminder that my mother is gone, really gone, she's dead and not coming back.

I wish I hadn't agreed to go.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Oh No!

Issac Hayes has died.

We've lost another great one.


I have noticed this about myself lately-

when we were watching the cars go by, I was looking at the faces of the owners-how proud they were, revving their engines and showing of their nice paint jobs-I actually got teary eyed.

It makes me happy to see other people happy. Maybe there is a heart underneath all this black stuff after all.


We had quite the eventful weekend here in the Lula household. I took Youngest school shopping Friday since I got off work early. The traffic was horrendous-it's Hot August Nights week here.

We were not going to go out Friday night, but of course I got a wild hair about 9pm and said "Let's go!" There is a little dive bar by our house, just a tiny place that also serves food. I'm pretty good friends with the bartender, and we've made quite a few other friends there too (Hey, Garden Friend!) So it's nice to go socialize every now and again. We stayed way too late, and drank WAY too much. I had a shot the owner bought me-I don't even remember what it was called, but it was 151 and Wild Turkey-UGH. I was pretty much done at that point. I don't really drink liquor anymore, and that just did me in. Then we got invited to breakfast at midnight (probably what saved me from a terrible hangover Saturday).

When I woke up Saturday, I felt guilty for spending money we shouldn't have, so my penance was to clean the whole house. And I mean clean-the walls, the floors, the bathroom, the ceiling fans-everything. This house hasn't been this clean since we moved in.

We also watched the movie "The Eye" with youngest-it wasn't that great, but it passed the time.

This morning we went and watched the final parade of all the Hot August Nights cars. Over 5500 cars registered this year-we probably saw about half of them this morning.

Then, I'm having lunch with Bartender Friend, after Hubbs and I trim the trees.

A non stop weekend I say! But a very pleasant one.

Life is good.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Woo Hoo!

The power was out today at work, so we were cut loose at 11am. I had a great day with Youngest-more tomorrow!

Happy Friday!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Wicked Burn (Thanks Work Friend)

Me: Do we have any good cigarettes? This one tastes like my butt.

Hubbs: How do you know what your butt tastes like?

Me: Cause I kiss you on the lips.

Hubbs: Ooh, you're quick.


I just had the weirdest moment. I'm at work, on the phone speaking to a woman from a local magazine, and I had this sudden realization (well, sudden may not be the right word-I am almost 40) that I'M AN ADULT. DOING GROWN UP THINGS. SPEAKING TO PEOPLE LIKE I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

It just felt so surreal, my God. I'm married, I have kids, grandchildren for pete's sake-and that exact moment was when it hit me.

I hope this doesn't mean I have to start acting (or looking) my age.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008


This stupid acid reflux has been interfering with my sleep. I wake up in the night with my throat on fire, drink a ton of water, fall asleep, wake up to pee, and then start all over.

The new medicine seems to be helping, as well as the fact that I didn't drink last night. I only woke up with fire throat once.

But, I am EXHAUSTED. I don't know why. I slept well last night, 6 hours in a row before finally getting up at 6. I could totally lay my head on my desk and have a nap.

It's not helping that the only work I have to do right now involves reading and thinking. Those are two things I don't like to do when I'm tired. Well, I never really like to think, as you have noticed if you read this site much.

Here's to one more restful night. (I hope)

Monday, August 4, 2008

Ouch Update

I was given samples of a stronger medicine, to be taken twice a day. If this doesn't provide any relief, I have to go for the esophageal scope.


Getting old sucks. I wish I could be one of those people who embrace every line, every wrinkle for the memories they bring me. But I feel like I'm at a weird in between age, where my body is starting to not co-operate, but I still feel young. And I'm just not ready to have gray hair and wrinkles, acid reflux and sleep disturbances.

Hopefully this medicine will work, and I can start obsessing about something else.

Happy Birthday

Today is Husband's birthday. We gave him gifts yesterday, and tonight we're having a nice dinner with a friend.

He loves his gifts, and he said yesterday that he has never felt so loved in his life. Things have been going very well between us, Youngest included.

It's nice to finally be able to relax in your skin, and not live like you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Husband is the best thing that has ever happened to me. There are no gifts in the world that equal the things he has given me. Love, stability, security, happiness-all the things I have never had before. I truly feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

I love you Husband. Happy Birthday.


Stupid acid reflux. I don't know what's going on with me, but I haven't had a decent nights sleep in well over a week. My chest hurts, my throat is on fire, and I can't stop trying to clear my throat. Once again, I have a big ball of acid sitting in my chest.

Back to the doctor today. Hopefully she will give me some relief!