Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Want.

job fail  - secret beer fridge
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Book Review

A Gracious Plenty by Sheri Reynolds.

I swear, it is so weird how the things you need to hear fall into your life just when you need it the most.

Another book about the afterlife, this one about the caretaker of a cemetery and her dealings with the dearly departed. You can't move on until you let go of your secrets, good and bad. They hold you here, and who wants that?

Great lessons in this book about forgiveness, love, making mistakes, and moving on. I really enjoyed it.

Easy to please.

I'm just starting to feel the fog of my depression lifting. Of course, it's not a permanent cure, but knowing I'm about a week away from seeking help has really lifted a huge weight of my shoulders. I don't have to feel this way for the rest of my life-help is on the way!

I credit feeling better to three things.

1. Lunch date with Hubbs Friday. 1/2 day at work, out for a nice lunch, then family movie night. Sounds like a perfect day.

2. Therapy appointment next Thursday, then getting my hair done afterward. Again, a half day at work-I didn't think I would want to come back after spilling my guts and crying like a girl. A new hair style, on the other hand, will be just what the doctor ordered. (HA! See what I did there?)

3. Pizza party February 7th. I entered a contest and won a pretty cool party pack (Thanks DiGiorno!)of free pizzas, coupons for my guests, a new pizza cutter, etc...
At first I wanted to invite a bunch of people, then I realized that the people that are coming are important to me, and that makes it perfect. Besides, as we all know, crowds freak me out-even in my own home.

It really is important to have things to look forward to. Sometimes, that's all you have.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Kitty Bomb!



Oh those photo bomb shots amuse me so.

via

I like Gary's world better too....

Book Review

Blame by Michelle Huneven.

Blame is the story of a woman convicted and sentenced to prison for an accident that killed a woman and her daughter. It was very good-kept me up past my bedtime 2 nights in a row. But the surprise twist at the end left me feeling like the book was rushed-she needed an ending and here it is. It rang a little too false for my tastes, but not a bad read.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Monday

Mondays suck, they really do. I am TIRED.

Trying to have a new attitude this week. Sick of having hurt feelings, sick of trying to fix things I can't control.

And while I really hate this saying, it's true-it is what it is. I can't change the past, I can only choose to live my life in a positive way now.

So that's what I'm doing.

Am I proud of me? Yes. Do my husband and son love me? Yes.

2 out of 3 ain't bad at all.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

FUUUUCCCKKK

Book review-Drunk!!

Samaritan by Richard Price.

This was another one of those books where I hated the protagonist, but I couldn't stop reading because I wanted to know what happened.

I have a serious issue with people (even fake people) who think they are better than whoever...I wanted to know what happened, but I didn't really care, I just felt the need to finish the damn book.

Anyway, guy with money, throwing it around because he needs to feel validated, it bites him in the ass-the end.

And this concludes Lula's drunk book review.

After all, it is Saturday...

Friday, January 22, 2010

This is AWESOME



"Mother is well groomed, even around the house. It helps keep her spirits up."

Yeah, that and "Mother's little helpers"!

Will tomorrow never come?

So very true

From Samaritan, the book I'm currently reading:

"Life's not about 'Why didn't she just do this, just do that.' People don't 'just do' things. There's no 'just do' out there. It's all about complications and bad habits and being afraid and wanting to be loved."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Friday Funny

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Help is on the way!

I made an appointment with a psychologist, oh yes I did. It's time to once and for all fix the bullshit in my head.

I think I'm doing well, and then one little thing will happen and I'm trapped in misery and despair.

No more. I refuse to do it anymore. It's time to learn new ways of thinking, acting, and reacting.

No longer will I let myself or anyone else beat me up for my mistakes.

So there.

Now all I have to do is make it through these next 2 weeks.

Book Review

Pocket Guide to the Afterlife by Jason Boyett.

I'd like to start off by saying the reason I poke fun at religion and jeebus and all that nonsense is.....I am quite envious of people's ability to have blind faith, and their ability to just live their lives, knowing that their celestial reward is waiting. I wish I could have that sort of faith, I really do. I just can't grasp it. Even with my Mormon upbringing, it all just seems so.....ridiculous.

Anyhoo, I LOVED this book! It explores the various beliefs of what happens to us when we die. It explores how Heaven and Hell are viewed and referenced in the Bible, in Chinese Mythology (My personal favorite-the 18 chambers in the Tenth Court of Diyu), Greek Mythology, etc...

And as much as I loved this book, I still had trouble wrapping my brain around the ability to truly believe in any of it. I'm sure there's a special place for non-believers like me.

If such a place existed.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Those bastards.

Is your cat plotting to kill you?

So...

I'm not doing so well over here. I've been having panic attacks, I'm filled with anxiety, and everything I touch right now just seems to turn to shit.

But, good news, our insurance has changed, and as long as I see someone in network it's only a $25 co-pay. So today I will be making an appointment with some sort of mental health professional, we'll see where it ends up.

It's shocking to me that no matter how far I have come in my life, these stupid little things can set me back so far. I'd like to put a stop to that.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Non-Smoking Lula

Picture me on the floor, laughing my ass off....

As a Weight Watchers group gathered for a routine weigh-in, the dieters got an idea of how far they still had to go: The floor underneath them collapsed, a Swedish newspaper reports.

via

I know, I'm going to hell.

Friday



via

Ha!

funny pictures of dogs with captions
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Book Review

Hero of the Underground by Jason Peter

I actually finished this book a while back, but haven't reviewed it because something about it is bothering me, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

You know the story-fame (NFL), loads of money, injury, drug addiction (heroin, crack, coke), back again. It wasn't a bad read, and he's clean now, but for some reason it did not end up being the feel good story you would expect.

I think part of it is his arrogance-he thinks he's better than say, the toothless hooker blowing guys for crack money because he can afford his drugs.

Please. A dope fiend is a dope fiend is a dope fiend. And if he wouldn't have gotten clean before losing all his money god knows what he would have resorted to.

I don't care enough to recommend this book. Glad he got it together though-hope he keeps it that way.

Friday Funny

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Book Review

The Killing Jar by Nicola Monaghan

A well written, heartbreaking story. Set in England, it's the story of a girl, born into a life of drugs, hatred, and fear. The things she does to survive, and what she loses along the way-I loved this book. Heart wrenching though-be warned.

I highly recommend it.

Please help Haiti

Those poor people, as if they haven't been through enough in the last 10 years. 2 super simple ways to help-

Text YELE to 501501-$5.00 will be added to your next phone bill. Yele is a charity set up by Haitian musician Wyclef Jean, formally of the Fugees.

Text HAITI to 90999 and $10.00 will be donated to the American Red Cross, again charged to your phone bill.

I chose Yele-100% of your donation will go to help the earthquake victims.

Anyone can spare $5.00. Please give.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Attention minions!

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

I wish I had minions.....lots and lots of furry minions, with sharp claws and thumbs.

Book Review

A Dark Oval Stone by Marsena Konkle.

This book was actually quite sad-and managed to run close to my heart for a variety of reasons. Doesn't mean I loved it though.

The husband dies while shoveling snow (my greatest fear!), and Miriam finds out she is pregnant shortly after. Can you imagine dealing with pregnancy and grief at the same time?

I did like how she started questioning the beliefs she was raised with, but I thought it was unrealistic how she gave in to her father in law and opted for a non-denominational service for her husband's funeral. (Oops, spoiler)

It wasn't a bad read, but I felt very indifferent to how Miriam's life turns out in the end.

Day 4!

And I'm pretty frickin proud of myself.

I've saved about $12.00 already.

My morning tea tasted excellent!

This is probably one of the hardest things I'll ever do, but I deserve it. And I'M proud of me! Good job Lula!

The only thing-I'm having a hell of a time sleeping. But that will fade I'm sure.

Go me!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Ha!



via

Book Review

Midnight Magic: Selected Stories of Bobbie Ann Mason.

I am a huge short story fan, and while I enjoyed this book, it isn't something I would read again. They are all set in Kentucky, and all I could think through most of the book was "Do people really talk like that?"

Anyway, not a bad way to kill some time, but it didn't grip me either.

So far, so good...

The good things that are happening to my body right now- (time measured since the last cigarette)


In 20 minutes your blood pressure will drop back down to normal. (Mine has always been freakishly low-so is it normal now? Or lower? Just a thought)

In 8 hours the carbon monoxide levels in your blood stream will drop by half, and oxygen levels will return to normal. (Woo hoo! Bye poison!)

In 48 hours your chance of having a heart attack will have decreased. All nicotine will have left your body. Your sense of taste and smell will return to a normal level. ( I don't think this one is accurate-I remember my senses returning to normal last time, and it took more than 2 days. I believe this one should read 72 hours)

At any rate, it doesn't feel like it right now, but good things ARE happening. It takes about 3 weeks to feel normal-I'm very much looking forward to that!

Book Review

Leaving Atlanta by Tayari Jones.

This book was surprisingly well written-I say surprisingly because it is the story of the Atlanta child murders in the late 70's-well actually 3 stories, the murders told from 3 different points of view-and it didn't come across as too horrific, or too sappy, or too sad-I was really moved by this book, and definitely recommend it.

Monday, January 11, 2010

I am a non-smoker.

Day two so far-yesterday was pretty easy because I had a slight hangover, and today has been because, well, smoking is stupid.

Every time I think I want a cigarette I just tell myself that the craving is poison leaving my body, and it won't last forever.

I also tell myself "Thank GOD I don't have to give in to that feeling! Poor smokers-I'm no longer a slave to nicotine!"

I also had 20 minutes to spare this morning-I may be able to sleep in a little later if I want. So many benefits!

The only negative, and I remember this from last time, is my face feels swollen and weird. But that goes away after a couple of days. I'm really looking forward to no longer having a burnt tongue too-food is going to start tasting better than ever! (Just what I need, Ms. Gained8holidaypounds!)

I'm a non-smoker!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Me



Thanks Hay, you know me well!

What is beauty?

And how sad is it that so much of our (well, my) self esteem is directly related to how we look?

You see a woman. She's all made up, her hair looks great-she's beautiful!

Now take the same woman, without makeup. She has an uneven skin tone, circles under her eyes, and her eyes no longer stand out. She is no longer the "beautiful" woman you just saw.

Is she still beautiful? Is beauty only cosmetics? Can anyone be beautiful with the right amount of make-up?

Think of your reaction to seeing certain celebrities without make-up. I know I've been shocked at the differences between their made up faces and their natural ones.

This week has been very strange for me. I'm shocked at how unattractive I feel with a swollen eye and less than my usual make-up. I generally feel attractive, and yes, sometimes even beautiful.

I'm the same me! Why do I feel like I'm about to be chased by villagers with pitchforks and flames? It's ridiculous!

I think I'm just not comfortable without my "mask" on. I feel vulnerable, like everyone is going to judge me and my 41 year old skin. Stupid.

This week has really left me questioning what beauty really is, and if it is more attitude and self confidence.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Book Review

The Fate of Katherine Carr by Thomas H. Cook.

I HATED this book. It was so convoluted, and filled with unnecessary characters and events-I wanted to know how it turned it, so I skipped a lot of the stupid parts so I could get to the end-and I was very disappointed.

It's a story of loss-a man loses his wife and child, a woman loses her innocence, a young girl loses her life. It could have been a beautiful story, but instead it felt like some sort of contrived fantasy.

Book Review

The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr.

Strange to think a book can help you quit smoking, but this book really feels like the ticket to freedom.

It's all about attitude, and freedom, and reversing the brain washing that not only society has forced upon us, but the brain washing we have forced upon ourselves.

It's drug addiction, plain and simple. And I've beaten a lot worse things than nicotine.

He says, if possible, to pick a time that is less stressful (?) and just go for it-no patches, no stupid gum, no brain altering pills.

I had Youngest type and print a little cheat sheet for me, for motivation. But basically-a craving is a beautiful thing, it's poison leaving your body. Hooray!!

I'm thinking my less stressful time is when this damn eye infection goes away.

So, Monday. I'll keep you updated.

Oh, and if you're a smoker, read this book. You have nothing to lose but a few hours of your time.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I fucking told you!

Stupid Doogie Howser M.D. I saw my doctor yesterday-she took one look at me and said "Oh your eye is infected" and wrote a prescription for antibiotic eye drops. Which hurt like a BITCH, by the way.

If he would have diagnosed me correctly, I'd be on my 4th day of treatment, and I'd be allowed to wear makeup that much sooner. NEED. MAKEUP.

Oh, 2010. Please let this be the extent of the drama for the year.

Monday, January 4, 2010

2010

So I'm off to a rip roaring start to my new year. I have some sort of bizarre eye infection-my eye and part of my face are swollen. Better than it was a few days ago, but itchy and very irritating.

I went to urgent care Saturday, where frickin Doogie Howser M.D. tried to give me steroids. I told him I'm not comfortable taking steroids, and doesn't he think my eye is infected?

"Well, I won't rule that out, but try the steroids first."

".......?"

I went home to look up this steroid before I filled the prescription, and first thing I saw is "Do not prescribe to patients suffering from depression."

Dick! He knew I was on meds in the past, FOR DEPRESSION. Dumb Fuck.

Anyway, I have an appointment to see MY doctor at 11:00 today.

Way to ring in the new year, already starting off with medical bills!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Gemstones make me sad

Happy New Year!

May you only make resolutions you can keep.

Mine are the same old things I've been fighting forever-drinking less, not smoking, and eating like a person who has acid reflux.

Here's to a happy, healthy 2010.