Friday, December 18, 2009


Back story-Youngest's "real" dad has been in and out of prison since I was 3 months pregnant. He's an addict, and has randomly been in and out of Y's life the last several years. We received a letter from him this week after not hearing from him for at least a year-he's in rehab.

I got a phone call today from the vice-principal of Y's school-

"There's been an incident-Y was pushed down-he's not hurt, but I want you to know what led to this."

What led to it is this-Y gets bullied at school-he is not an average boy, he's an artsy-fartsy kind of guy-not into sports, all the girls love him, etc...

He started, about 3 weeks ago, telling another boy in his chorus class that he is stupid, and can't sing.

The boy finally snapped today, knocked Y to the ground, and told him "Quit talking shit or I'm going to kick your ass."

I have raised my child better than that. We DO NOT bully-and whatever you are going through, let's talk about it-don't take it out on someone else.

I knew when we received the letter from his "dad" that this was going to be a bad week. It sucks-I'm torn between protecting him and not letting him see the letter, or being honest and telling him "Hey dude, we got a letter from your dad."

Apparently, the principal interviewed a few disinterested third parties, decided that this has in fact been going on for 3 weeks, and had both boys in his office.

Y at first said he couldn't remember if he had been talking smack, then kind of admitted it-and apologized to the boy.

When I spoke with Y after school, I said "You do realize you're in trouble, right?"

"Why? I didn't do anything! The principal also talked to kids who said I was innocent!"

What's a parent to do? I want to believe my son, but come on -you confessed-AND apologized!

When I got home, I told him this-

"We're going to have this conversation based on the assumption that you did what you were accused of. Number 1-are you being bullied at school?"


"Ok, so you know how it feels. You are are not, under any circumstances, allowed to do that to another child. I know it's not cool to tell or whatever, but if you are having problems at school you have to talk about it. If you don't want me to do anything about it, that's fine, but at the very least you have to VENT."

"Number 2-you are NEVER allowed to confess to something you didn't do (He claimed he confessed and apologized just to shut the principal up). I always have your back, and if you are innocent, I will fight to the death for you. But how can I do that when you confess?"


Then he broke down, and cried and cried. I told him to tell me what he's going through right now, and it led back to his dad.

My theory is this-he was probably messing with that boy, because he's getting bullied and it trickles down, and god knows what happened today-he mouthed off and the other kid snapped. I can relate to the other kid-I remember very well the same shit happening to me in 7th grade, and I finally snapped and beat the girl down. But it's not acceptable.

I think the letter from his dad just set him off. He told me the day after he received it "Everything was fine, then he had to write again."

I asked him to write a letter to his dad, and tell him the things that were bothering him-he's a grown man, he needs to know what pain his behavior causes.

I'm also going to write to him and tell him this is it-if you go off the deep end again, I will just throw away every letter you send. Then Y can make his own decisions regarding dad when he's 18.

There is nothing worse than seeing your children in pain, there really isn't.


Deirdre Bunny said...

I can't even imagine how hard it is to see your children in emotional (or physical) distress.

My heart goes out to you!

Lula said...

Thanks D!