Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
High as a KITE
So yes, I've had a sinus infection for 4 months. It's all coming together now-the exhaustion, not wanting to work out, trouble sleeping (because I usually sleep on my right side but have been unable to, and sleeping on my left makes my reflux act up)
This uber strong antibiotic I'm on has left me high, oh so very high. Like why did I come in here, what's that thing called, never mind-OOPS! There's a wall there!-high.
Shit better work, and quick. I would really REALLY like the energy to lift weights Saturday, somehow I've managed not to gain a shit ton of weight but I do feel flabby.
Though I'm considering posting a picture of my biceps, cause DAMN! How'd I get so buff?
Ramble on, high girl. Ramble on.
This uber strong antibiotic I'm on has left me high, oh so very high. Like why did I come in here, what's that thing called, never mind-OOPS! There's a wall there!-high.
Shit better work, and quick. I would really REALLY like the energy to lift weights Saturday, somehow I've managed not to gain a shit ton of weight but I do feel flabby.
Though I'm considering posting a picture of my biceps, cause DAMN! How'd I get so buff?
Ramble on, high girl. Ramble on.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Rant
I just got back from the eye doctor, and IT'S NOT MY EYE. I've been dealing with this shit for 4 months, and he just told me he thinks it's a sinus infection.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Another appointment tomorrow to treat this now. I swear to GOD, every time something is wrong with me it turns in to this lengthy, drawn out, expensive process. Either the doctors in this godforsaken town are fucking idiots or I'm a freak. Probably a little of both.
SHIT.
And now my eyes hurt.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Another appointment tomorrow to treat this now. I swear to GOD, every time something is wrong with me it turns in to this lengthy, drawn out, expensive process. Either the doctors in this godforsaken town are fucking idiots or I'm a freak. Probably a little of both.
SHIT.
And now my eyes hurt.
Dumbfucker
My therapist recommended a book to me, "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook". It's already been quite helpful in teaching me to control my emotions.
Yesterdays worksheet was about values, and while I was filling it out I realized that alcohol is interfering with my values, which is resulting in me feeling bad about myself. As a wife, as a mother, as a person who cares about her health.
I hate it when I have these huge profound moments that have been right in front of my face the whole god damn time.
Anyway, trying AGAIN. Aiming for a sober weekend with the family.
The reward (besides the obvious) will be a family dinner out next Friday night. I do love going out to eat.
Besides that, I'm sick (still), my eye is infected (again), and I'm quite bitchy. I would like to just feel like a normal human being for a quick minute instead of this congested eye infected GOON.
Yesterdays worksheet was about values, and while I was filling it out I realized that alcohol is interfering with my values, which is resulting in me feeling bad about myself. As a wife, as a mother, as a person who cares about her health.
I hate it when I have these huge profound moments that have been right in front of my face the whole god damn time.
Anyway, trying AGAIN. Aiming for a sober weekend with the family.
The reward (besides the obvious) will be a family dinner out next Friday night. I do love going out to eat.
Besides that, I'm sick (still), my eye is infected (again), and I'm quite bitchy. I would like to just feel like a normal human being for a quick minute instead of this congested eye infected GOON.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Best weekend EVER
Hubbs and I went to Winnemucca for the weekend-little teeny town about 2 hours from here.
Learned to dance the 2 step with a cowboy, went on a walking tour of historic buildings, and had a delicious Basque meal.
Exhausted. But in a wonderful, fabulous, loving the hell out of my husband kind of way.
Learned to dance the 2 step with a cowboy, went on a walking tour of historic buildings, and had a delicious Basque meal.
Exhausted. But in a wonderful, fabulous, loving the hell out of my husband kind of way.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
So not funny....
But I can't stop laughing!
A sample of calls made to the Illinois Poison Control Center-
A father called about tater tots he had cooked in the oven; after his kids ate them, the caller realized there was a charred rat corpse in the oven.
A child was found licking a doorknob after it had been sprayed with Lysol® disinfectant.
A 40 year old man called because he accidentally swallowed the desiccant that comes in the over the counter ranitidine pill bottle.
A woman called because she had reached into her bathroom cabinet in the dark for a tube of personal lubricant and accidentally used toothpaste instead.
A 24 year old woman called about her boyfriend. The woman had a Brazilian wax at a salon where they had used a numbing cream on the area and now her boyfriend is complaining numb lips, mouth and tongue. He was concerned that he may have ingested some of this numbing cream.
Glad to see Darwin is still hard at work!
via
A sample of calls made to the Illinois Poison Control Center-
A father called about tater tots he had cooked in the oven; after his kids ate them, the caller realized there was a charred rat corpse in the oven.
A child was found licking a doorknob after it had been sprayed with Lysol® disinfectant.
A 40 year old man called because he accidentally swallowed the desiccant that comes in the over the counter ranitidine pill bottle.
A woman called because she had reached into her bathroom cabinet in the dark for a tube of personal lubricant and accidentally used toothpaste instead.
A 24 year old woman called about her boyfriend. The woman had a Brazilian wax at a salon where they had used a numbing cream on the area and now her boyfriend is complaining numb lips, mouth and tongue. He was concerned that he may have ingested some of this numbing cream.
Glad to see Darwin is still hard at work!
via
Friday Funny
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Don't worry, Doc. He'll spend the rest of his life trying to get back in!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Book Review
Finally! The last 6 books I've tried to read I was unable to finish due to the convoluted b.s. plot lines.
The Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst
Loved it! This book was many things-a story of grief and loss, the story of what it's like to love someone who is mentally ill, the story of a man's search for answers regarding the loss of his wife.
But mostly, the story of how no matter how deep the pain, there is a way to get through it. It may take a while, but it does come.
Read it!
The Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst
Loved it! This book was many things-a story of grief and loss, the story of what it's like to love someone who is mentally ill, the story of a man's search for answers regarding the loss of his wife.
But mostly, the story of how no matter how deep the pain, there is a way to get through it. It may take a while, but it does come.
Read it!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Happy Birthday Mom
Today is Mom's birthday. So I've taken the day off, and I plan on spending it doing things she loved-hanging out with my family, going out to lunch, and shopping.
I know now that when we were growing up, she really did the best she could, and what she thought was right. It took me a long time to forgive her, and to be able to see things from her point of view. Now that I do, I am better able to forgive myself for the parenting mistakes I also made. Just because we made bad decisions doesn't mean we're bad people.
I love you, Mom. Happy birthday.
I know now that when we were growing up, she really did the best she could, and what she thought was right. It took me a long time to forgive her, and to be able to see things from her point of view. Now that I do, I am better able to forgive myself for the parenting mistakes I also made. Just because we made bad decisions doesn't mean we're bad people.
I love you, Mom. Happy birthday.
Friday, April 9, 2010
And I surprise myself once again
I had therapy yesterday, and I was once again amazed at how much it helps.
I've had a rough week-haven't even wanted to try any of my new coping skills. I just wanted to drink.
Now Mom's birthday is Monday, so when I saw my doctor I told her I've been having a rough time, and "maybe it has something to do with my Mom."
And then I burst into tears.
I'm sad that I never had a chance to be a normal child. I'm sad that my entire life has revolved around fear. I'm sad that my mother died without ever teaching me the skills I need to cope with this world.
BUT-sad is hard, and painful, and scary. So I turn it into anger-which I have learned is a common response, but not a healthy one. If you don't deal with your emotions, they will never go away.
So yesterday I learned it's ok, even healthy to cry (the horror!). In fact, it was suggested to me that if I need to cry, maybe I should just go close myself up in my bedroom and DO IT!
I also learned how to stop turning that sadness into anger, and to mourn the loss of the mother I never had, and the little girl I never was.
I've had a rough week-haven't even wanted to try any of my new coping skills. I just wanted to drink.
Now Mom's birthday is Monday, so when I saw my doctor I told her I've been having a rough time, and "maybe it has something to do with my Mom."
And then I burst into tears.
I'm sad that I never had a chance to be a normal child. I'm sad that my entire life has revolved around fear. I'm sad that my mother died without ever teaching me the skills I need to cope with this world.
BUT-sad is hard, and painful, and scary. So I turn it into anger-which I have learned is a common response, but not a healthy one. If you don't deal with your emotions, they will never go away.
So yesterday I learned it's ok, even healthy to cry (the horror!). In fact, it was suggested to me that if I need to cry, maybe I should just go close myself up in my bedroom and DO IT!
I also learned how to stop turning that sadness into anger, and to mourn the loss of the mother I never had, and the little girl I never was.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
What. The. Fuck.
http://www.christianlovetoys.com/
And I quote-
"This site should ONLY be viewed by married couples! Single individuals or dating couples should not view these products as they appropriately invoke and promote sexuality as God intentionally designed it: for a married man and woman."
"Do NOT allow this site to support you giving into perversion, impurity, or inappropriate fantasizing. "
Another reason why I'm glad I'm not a christian. What the hell is sex between a married couple WITHOUT the perversion?
And my favorite-
"Sex between a married man and woman is a very unique form of intimacy, pray over any purchases made in this store. "
Lord, we pray over your gift of a g spot stimulator and batteries that have eternal life.
And I quote-
"This site should ONLY be viewed by married couples! Single individuals or dating couples should not view these products as they appropriately invoke and promote sexuality as God intentionally designed it: for a married man and woman."
"Do NOT allow this site to support you giving into perversion, impurity, or inappropriate fantasizing. "
Another reason why I'm glad I'm not a christian. What the hell is sex between a married couple WITHOUT the perversion?
And my favorite-
"Sex between a married man and woman is a very unique form of intimacy, pray over any purchases made in this store. "
Lord, we pray over your gift of a g spot stimulator and batteries that have eternal life.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Oh world.
Regarding Constance McMillan-
Just when I feel my anger swell up, and I want to lash out at people I don't even know, on behalf of someone I've never met-someone like the Bloggess comes along to remind me that responding to hate with hate just makes a no win situation worse.
"A special note to every single person reading this who thinks that they are alone or different or forever broken…you are not. You are part of a special tribe that you just haven’t found yet and we need you. All the best people are broken. Keep fighting until you find your place. It does exist. I promise."
Click here. And let's try not to hate.
Just when I feel my anger swell up, and I want to lash out at people I don't even know, on behalf of someone I've never met-someone like the Bloggess comes along to remind me that responding to hate with hate just makes a no win situation worse.
"A special note to every single person reading this who thinks that they are alone or different or forever broken…you are not. You are part of a special tribe that you just haven’t found yet and we need you. All the best people are broken. Keep fighting until you find your place. It does exist. I promise."
Click here. And let's try not to hate.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
NOT the usual Monday
For the first time in a very long time, my week is off to a half way decent start.
I'm 4 pounds lighter than last Monday.
I started my week with some weight lifting yesterday.
I'm not recovering from a 4+ day drinking binge.
I don't feel like stabbing anybody.
Not bad for a Monday!
I'm 4 pounds lighter than last Monday.
I started my week with some weight lifting yesterday.
I'm not recovering from a 4+ day drinking binge.
I don't feel like stabbing anybody.
Not bad for a Monday!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Happy Saturday!
I hope the world is ready for a sober Lula....4 days without alcohol and I've already dropped 4.5 pounds and I am extremely energetic!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
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