Friday Funny

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Testing?

The hell? I logged in to post a much needed rant, and all my posts are missing.

Must investigate........

Ok, now they're showing up. Whatever, if my blog looks wacky I'm sure it will correct itself.

Hubbs and I are embarking on the 21 day no complaining challenge. Not just for our marriage, but for our overall well being and happiness in the world. More on that here.

So before we start that, I need to get the following off my chest.

I work with a cretin. A loud mouthed, obnoxious cretin. Who had the nerve to tell me, after I spent 90 minutes fixing everyone's database which included adding a special field just for him, that-
"the problem with this company is people like you who don't give a shit"

My reply?

"We could spend an hour talking about what's wrong with this company and it has nothing to do with me not giving a shit. Now I'm going to finish my lunch, we can talk about this at 1pm"

Good lord I was mad. Like steam coming out of my ears, stomp around the office, Hubbs come kick his ass MAD.

I couldn't decide if I should go to my superior, or just tell Cretin he's not allowed to talk to me that way. So me, being a dumbass and trying to give a cretin a chance, decided to go to him.

"Cretin-you insulted me, and you are not allowed to talk to me that way anymore."

"Wha-wha-wha-what way? What are you talking about?"

And then of course it just turned in to another argument. So I went in to my bosses office, which is next to his bosses office, which is next to the owners, and repeated what he said to me. VERY loudly. (Of course, just my luck the other 2 offices were empty) I also said "Go home and terrorize your wife", knowing full well he doesn't have one. Hmmm, wonder why?

If I someday mysteriously disappear from the interwebs, it's because I stuck a fork in a cretin's eye.

Anyway, how strange that I found the following description of someone else's coworker on the internet today-which spells out EXACTLY what I think his problem is-

"Why don't you just take your fucking meds and stop picking on little menial shit that you really don't give a shit about in the first place. I think you just go through a list in your fucked up head and pick on something just because you don't want to pay attention to your horrible, pathetic, sad little life."

That's exactly what he does. Stuff that doesn't matter, stuff that has worked fine for everyone else for 3 years, he decides is stupid and needs to be changed. And if you don't think so too, then you don't give a shit. Jesus Christ, what a sad little man.

Done.

Tomorrow-rainbows and sunshine!!

Book Review

School Days by Robert Parker.

I'm pretty sure I gave an unfavorable review to the last Parker book I read-this one is actually from 2005-not quite sure how I missed it since I read them all.

It was a good read. The story of a school shooting, and Spenser getting to the bottom of "Why?"

It only took me a day to read, but I enjoyed it.

Ha!

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Me, frightened.

I'm actually a bit better today, both mentally and physically. Did you know-apple cider vinegar really does help acid reflux? Weird, huh? I took a dose last night and a dose this morning, and I'm pretty sure I'm feeling a bit better. My stomach is definitely better.

I'm so wrapped up in my health concerns that every area of my life is suffering. My relationship with my husband, my job, my relationships with my kids. Friends. The cats. My blog.

I am prone to thinking the worst, and I am aware of that in myself. I'm also pretty good about knowing when something is wrong. I've had three surgeries because I didn't feel right and lo and behold, something was wrong. I guess what I'm trying to say is, as much as I want to believe that nothing is wrong, that my symptoms were just a fluke, I truly don't believe it.

Then it leads me to things like "Will I be able to continue working? Will I end up in a wheelchair? Will I gain back all the weight I lost?-So vain! Will I lose my house? Will I ever feel normal again?"

I know I need to focus on the now, and not let my imagination get the better of me. But it's hard, very hard.

I've mentioned before the women in my family don't have very long life spans. My sister and grandmother died in their 40's, my mother in her 60's. So I've always had this sense of "What's going to get me?"

When I left the doctor's office after she told me she wanted to test me for MS, I thought 2 things.

"Well, this is what's going to get me."

And-

"At least my husband will be able to keep his promise of letting me die first."

What every man needs......

A willy warmer!


Courtesy of (where else) Dlisted.

Sick.....

I'm very sick AGAIN. Did you know acid reflux could make you throw up repeatedly? Me either, until yesterday. Miserable Lula.....

Anyway, had the MRI, it was very traumatic. I cried. I do not like being stuck in a tube with a cage over my head. But it's over with, and I go back to the doctor March 2nd. Of course I'm sure they saw something, but that's just the way I roll. I over analyze the technicians every move and comment and work myself into believing that something is there.

I'm sure I'm fine, and I just threw $1300.00 down the drain.

WTF?

Has it really come to this?

Courtesy of Dlisted

Fine.

I'm having the MRI tomorrow. All $1300.00 dollars of it.

I swear, just when we start to get ahead, something comes up that pushes us back down. I know it's life, something we have to live with, but it's still frustrating.

Anyhoo, wish me luck.

WTF?

After spending about an hour on the phone with my insurance company and/or the imaging center, I have determined that my out of pocket cost for my MRI is $1300.00.

Yes, you read that right. $1300.00.

Words can not even express the frustration I am feeling right now. I don't feel right, I haven't for a while, and I really thought I was doing the right thing here. I don't know if my peace of mind if worth $1300.00. I'm going to be pissed if this turns out to be nothing. (You know what I mean)

I think I'm going to wait until I see the neurologist on March 9th. I don't know what difference it will make, I guess just so I have a second opinion.

I was really looking forward to figuring out what the hell is wrong with me.

By the way, Anthem Insurance? Sucks ASS!!!! I wish I had like a million readers so I could spread the word. Bastards.

Again.....

Snow, lovely snow. But, it fits today, seeing as how I am sick as a dog


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On a day like this, there is nothing better than cuddling up in Hubbs' robe, wrapped in a blanket on the couch.

I just realized the second pic is not what I wanted to post at all.....but I don't feel good, so screw it. It's cold. It's snowing. I'm sick. Point made.

Lucky lucky, you're so lucky.....

Sometimes I forget how truly blessed I am. I get so caught up in the negative things around me, I can't break free. It's a character flaw, I'm sure of it.

I get home from work, and all I want to do is bitch-about my obnoxious co-workers, about the mis-management, about how I'm being forced to do things I think are stupid, about how I am made to feel that the success of the company is on my shoulders.

Then I see my husband and my son, how willing they are to let me bitch even when it seems excessive, how they have a guys night planned working on cars, how Hubbs and I have a wonderful evening planned tomorrow for ourselves for our anniversary/Valentine's Day-it makes me feel -first selfish-then grateful.

I am so lucky to have those guys in my life. And sometimes, I need to just shut the hell up.

Random Woman!

That's my super hero name, I just decided. And my power? Confusion. "With the power of my randomness, I will shout out random things that confuse you, and thwart your evil plan to take over the world"

"Look Random Woman, I have a nuclear bomb that I will set off if I don't get ONE MILLION DOLLARS!"

"Out on the ledge?"

"I SAID, I have a nuclear bomb that I will set off if I don't get ONE MILLION DOLLARS!"

"I think that I think that too!"

"???????????"

This is where the evil villain's head explodes from trying to figure out what the hell I'm talking about.

WINNER!!!!!!!!
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Hot date tomorrow night-it's the 7 year anniversary of the day Hubbs and I met. We met on Match.com (that's right, MATCH.COM)and we didn't even talk on the phone until the day we met. I am not lying when I say I knew that night that I loved him and would be with him for the rest of my life. I can't wait-nice Italian dinner, bottle of wine, things I don't care to mention here (wink, wink). DAMN I love that man.

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I don't know if I've reached my limit of incompetence and stupidity or what, but I'll be surprised if I make it through this month without getting fired. Bitchy things just keep flying out of my mouth. I can't help it-I'm tired of stupid people.

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Have I mentioned I've lost 2 inches off of my hips in about 2 weeks? If you're able to get the Results Fitness 10 Day Workout, I HIGHLY recommend it. I'm looking pretty damn hot for an old broad.

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3 day weekend-I took a vacation day to have some extra time with the family next week. And, I took a sick day for my MRI next Friday. So it will also be a 3 day work week. I'm pretty excited about that. I used to love my job, it's really too bad.

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Have an EXCELLENT weekend!

Book Review

Bright Shiny Morning by James Frey.

Why yes, this is the second time in the past year that I've read this book.

I LOVE this book. It's based in Los Angeles, so it warms my heart to read about all the places I'm familiar with. It also breaks my heart to read about the shattered dreams of people who move there and think they will find happiness.

Did you know calling a freeway "THE 5" is a California thing? I've done it all my life-I do it here and everyone makes me fun of me. "Get on the 80 West.....". When I asked what I was SUPPOSED to call it, I was told "Interstate 80"

Whatever. Haters.

Book Review

No One You Know by Michelle Richmond.

I finished this book because I was curious as to how it was going to turn out, but to be honest I didn't really enjoy it. I skipped large parts of the book that seemed predictable.

I can't really recommend this book.

Book Review

Songs for the Missing by Stewart O'Nan.

This book was pretty good. It was the story of a teenage girl who goes missing, and the lives of the people who are left behind.

I actually finished this book about 3 weeks ago, so I apologize for the crappy review. Read this book so I feel better about the review please.

Friday Funny

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

The waiting is (almost) over-Psych!

Update: They just called and rescheduled me for the 20th. Seriously, is the whole fricking world TRYING to irritate me?


My MRI is scheduled for 3pm, Friday the 13th. The good thing is I get to leave work early, yippee!!! Glad I'm not a superstitious woman....


Wish me luck!

Happy Birthday Chuck!

Thanks for proving that whole woman from Adam's rib thing was bogus.

When I was growing up, I actually believed men had one less rib than women do, because that's what I was taught in (Mormon) church. I was in my late teens-early twenties before I realized it was bullshit.

I also believed that black people had an extra bone in their leg, which was why they ran faster and won Olympic events.

Ah, yes. Memories of growing up in a heroin addicted, dysfunctional, Mormon family.

HA!

see more puppies

Smile!

Whether you want to or not.....

Check it out-

I saw the badge for personality testing on Red's blog....fun little time waster, and weirdly accurate. Try it.

This pretty much sums me up-

"The primary desire of the Protector SJ is to be of service to others, but here "service" means not so much furnishing others with the necessities of life, as guarding others against life's pitfalls and perils, that is, seeing to their safety and security."

Almost every week I have a new cause-one of Youngest's friends, a stray dog, whatever. We're lucky we don't have 15 animals and 30 foster kids. My whole family would live with me if I could swing it!

Update Shmupdate

I called my Doctor's office Friday to request this new batch of records be sent to the neurologist. I also told her about the loss of balance incident at the grocery store. When she heard the neurologist couldn't see me until March, she said "That is unacceptable. I'm scheduling the MRI now." So I expect to hear from the scheduling office here in a day or two.

I also have a new symptom-I don't even know how to describe it, it's like a burst of pain in my leg. It only lasts a moment, but it hurts bad enough to give me chills all over my body. Then-poof!-it's gone.

I don't know what's going on with me, and I honestly don't know if I should be preparing myself for the possibility that I have something really wrong with me. I do know that I don't feel right, and I haven't for quite a while now. I was going to put off the MRI-it's an expensive test, and with any luck it will turn out to be completely unnecessary. But something is telling me to get it done, so I'm doing it.

This is another one of those times when I really, REALLY wish my mother was still alive.

Friday Funny

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

HA!

I'm sorry, but this cracked me up.

So.....

Hubbs and I were in line at the grocery store last night, and I almost fell over. I was just standing there, minding my own business, when suddenly it was like someone tilted the floor.

I've made a neurology appointment-the soonest they can see me is March 9th.

You all were right-peace of mind is better than wondering what the hell is going on.

Wish me luck!

Chuck!

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Have you ever wondered?

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be normal. I know I'm not too far from normal-I'm not INSANE, just slightly off-kilter.

Have you seen the Kleenex commercial where the woman is going about her day, and they show you everything she comes in contact with?

"Touch, touch, touch, touch, touch, touch" says the voice-over, again and again.

Replace the word "touch" with the following, and that is what it's like in my head.

"stress, worry, worry, tired, not good enough, dumb, old, fat, why, give up, no, wait, you're doing great, you look great, things are great, be thankful, can't, won't, worry, worry , stress, screw it it's bed time."

Did you know.....

that asparagus is a natural diuretic?

It's all I had for dinner last night-and I lost 3 pounds. In one day. I was BLOATED! 140 by this Friday is not so far out of reach.

Now if I could just be happy with my job and my health, things would be perfect!

Negative Nancy

I left work at 9:30 yesterday to pick Youngest up from school-he wasn't feeling well, so I decided to stay home with him. I was kind of in need of a mental health day, because (Surprise!) I once again drank more than I wanted to this past weekend, and I (Surprise!) gained back a few pounds that I lost. So I felt like a big loser and wanted to stay home and wallow in my loserness, and work off some beer and sodium bloat. Which I did, and I'm back on the downhill slide, but I think I'll be lucky if I see 140 this Friday like I did last Friday. Anyway.....

In between the drinking, and the eating, and the frustration I'm feeling at work, I am NOT happy. Not at all. My job is starting to feel pointless, and while I should be thankful I have a job, so many things aren't making sense, and are starting to make me wonder if I should abandon ship.

Then I hear things like if you're an unmarried woman the state will pay for your schooling so you can get a degree, and a job in whatever field has the best outlook. What about us married women? Doesn't seem fair, but I guess those unmarried woman are thinking the same thing about me right now.

And finally, my health. I don't know how many times I have to say this, but I DO NOT FEEL WELL. The doctor's office called me yesterday and said they were probably going to send me back to the neurologist because 1. The previous MRI showed decreased blood flow to my brain, and while there were no visible plaques it's something that should be monitored and 2. There is something called an occular migraine but since I haven't really gotten a headache it's probably not that.

It's not their fault I don't feel well, but I am tired of dealing with it. I guess I could move my appointment up, but then I would really have to deal with what's going on with me and maybe I'm not ready for that. Maybe I just want to be mad and frustrated for a while.