Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Negative Nancy

I left work at 9:30 yesterday to pick Youngest up from school-he wasn't feeling well, so I decided to stay home with him. I was kind of in need of a mental health day, because (Surprise!) I once again drank more than I wanted to this past weekend, and I (Surprise!) gained back a few pounds that I lost. So I felt like a big loser and wanted to stay home and wallow in my loserness, and work off some beer and sodium bloat. Which I did, and I'm back on the downhill slide, but I think I'll be lucky if I see 140 this Friday like I did last Friday. Anyway.....

In between the drinking, and the eating, and the frustration I'm feeling at work, I am NOT happy. Not at all. My job is starting to feel pointless, and while I should be thankful I have a job, so many things aren't making sense, and are starting to make me wonder if I should abandon ship.

Then I hear things like if you're an unmarried woman the state will pay for your schooling so you can get a degree, and a job in whatever field has the best outlook. What about us married women? Doesn't seem fair, but I guess those unmarried woman are thinking the same thing about me right now.

And finally, my health. I don't know how many times I have to say this, but I DO NOT FEEL WELL. The doctor's office called me yesterday and said they were probably going to send me back to the neurologist because 1. The previous MRI showed decreased blood flow to my brain, and while there were no visible plaques it's something that should be monitored and 2. There is something called an occular migraine but since I haven't really gotten a headache it's probably not that.

It's not their fault I don't feel well, but I am tired of dealing with it. I guess I could move my appointment up, but then I would really have to deal with what's going on with me and maybe I'm not ready for that. Maybe I just want to be mad and frustrated for a while.


Miyonao said...

Sorry to hear that...We all wish we didn't have to deal with certain things. But at the end, it's always better to deal with it now than later. Right?

Lula said...

You're right Miyonao. I'm preparing to go back in about 2 weeks.