Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Friday, December 24, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
I'm baaaaaacccccccckkkkkkkkk!
I am once again a productive member of society. First full day on the job, and I am so happy I could just spit! It feels so good to have a reason to get up and dressed every morning, to have work to do and responsibility.
I swear in more ways than one, losing that stupid job was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Happy, HAPPY Monday!!
I swear in more ways than one, losing that stupid job was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Happy, HAPPY Monday!!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
And so it ends....
Holy frickin cow I found a job! And I start tomorrow!
So random too-Hubbs sent me a link to a job that had been posted 3 weeks ago-not sure how I missed it, but somehow I did. Sent my resume yesterday, they called me today for an interview, and I was hired on the spot! I swear, I have never been so happy. It's such a huge weight off my shoulders, you have no idea.
Go me!!!!!
So random too-Hubbs sent me a link to a job that had been posted 3 weeks ago-not sure how I missed it, but somehow I did. Sent my resume yesterday, they called me today for an interview, and I was hired on the spot! I swear, I have never been so happy. It's such a huge weight off my shoulders, you have no idea.
Go me!!!!!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Thursday already?
This past week has FLOWN by. Part of it is due to the fact that I fell very far off the primal wagon Thanksgiving, then spent the next 5 days with a stomach bug. Or a carb bug. Whatever it was, I am just now starting to feel normal again.
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One of my dearest friends had been battling uterine and cervical cancer. She had a check up about 2 weeks ago, and they found more cancer cells. Surgery was scheduled for the week before Christmas-she was not happy. But, she had to have a procedure last week, they did another biopsy, and voila! No cancer cells were found. She still has to have surgery, but now there is no panicky rush to get it done-she can wait till after the new year. Pretty happy about that.
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I found not one but TWO jobs to apply for yesterday. Made me feel productive there for a minute.
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I had my yearly (well for me, bi-yearly because I keep blowing them off) mammogram. I'm proud of myself for finally getting it over with. Ladies, check the ta-ta's!
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And finally, we have a very busy weekend coming up. Hubbs is fixing my brakes Friday, taking a look at a friend's car Saturday, we're hanging Christmas lights (trying to keep Scrooge in check even though times are tough), and we have a family project to re-arrange the garage. Hubbs got another side job rebuilding an engine and we need to make room for the damn thing. He's been working his ass off between his full time job and any side job he can get. And all I do is bitch because I'm lonely and bored. Well, that's an exaggeration but that's how I feel. Poor pitiful Pearl.
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Happy Thursday!
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One of my dearest friends had been battling uterine and cervical cancer. She had a check up about 2 weeks ago, and they found more cancer cells. Surgery was scheduled for the week before Christmas-she was not happy. But, she had to have a procedure last week, they did another biopsy, and voila! No cancer cells were found. She still has to have surgery, but now there is no panicky rush to get it done-she can wait till after the new year. Pretty happy about that.
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I found not one but TWO jobs to apply for yesterday. Made me feel productive there for a minute.
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I had my yearly (well for me, bi-yearly because I keep blowing them off) mammogram. I'm proud of myself for finally getting it over with. Ladies, check the ta-ta's!
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And finally, we have a very busy weekend coming up. Hubbs is fixing my brakes Friday, taking a look at a friend's car Saturday, we're hanging Christmas lights (trying to keep Scrooge in check even though times are tough), and we have a family project to re-arrange the garage. Hubbs got another side job rebuilding an engine and we need to make room for the damn thing. He's been working his ass off between his full time job and any side job he can get. And all I do is bitch because I'm lonely and bored. Well, that's an exaggeration but that's how I feel. Poor pitiful Pearl.
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Happy Thursday!
Friday, November 26, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
And that is why they voted no....
I just had the following conversation with my friend B-
Me: You know they are cutting off the extended unemployment benefits right?
B: What? That's it? That's all we get?
Me: Dick! You've been on it for 3 years and have turned down jobs. I'm actually trying, every day, to find a job and have been offered nothing.
B: Yeah well, I guess I should quit smoking pot.
Grrrrr...........
Me: You know they are cutting off the extended unemployment benefits right?
B: What? That's it? That's all we get?
Me: Dick! You've been on it for 3 years and have turned down jobs. I'm actually trying, every day, to find a job and have been offered nothing.
B: Yeah well, I guess I should quit smoking pot.
Grrrrr...........
Friday, November 12, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Best weekend EVER!
You know you had a good time when you're still sleeping it off 3 days later...
We danced, drank, met up with a friend of mine I've known since I was 12 (just a few short years ago, HA!)soaked in the jacuzzi, ate delicious food. I really feel like the Hubbs and I connected. All in all, a wonderful time, and worth every bit of it!
We danced, drank, met up with a friend of mine I've known since I was 12 (just a few short years ago, HA!)soaked in the jacuzzi, ate delicious food. I really feel like the Hubbs and I connected. All in all, a wonderful time, and worth every bit of it!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Wow.
I had an excellent weekend with my husband, and get this-there was no booze involved! I'm on medication that strictly prohibits drinking. At first I panicked-how will I ever make it through a weekend without booze? Not only did we make it, it was awesome.
We camped in the living room and had a movie marathon-a couple of Hitchcock flicks, an indie flick or two-we even watched an old Tracy-Hepburn movie that we both really enjoyed.
Done with the meds on Wednesday-just in time for my big birthday weekend! A friend of ours got us a jacuzzi suite at one of the casinos this weekend-for free! It's the best gift EVER considering I'm still unemployed. I'm calling it Boozebubblebangfest 2010!
It feels good to have something to look forward to. And catching up on sleep/Hubbs time this past weekend has done wonders for my depression. I actually feel human today!
We camped in the living room and had a movie marathon-a couple of Hitchcock flicks, an indie flick or two-we even watched an old Tracy-Hepburn movie that we both really enjoyed.
Done with the meds on Wednesday-just in time for my big birthday weekend! A friend of ours got us a jacuzzi suite at one of the casinos this weekend-for free! It's the best gift EVER considering I'm still unemployed. I'm calling it Boozebubblebangfest 2010!
It feels good to have something to look forward to. And catching up on sleep/Hubbs time this past weekend has done wonders for my depression. I actually feel human today!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I hate people
Especially Wal-Mart people. What the hell kind of self entitled bitch is mean to a Wal-Mart greeter? Jesus, their average age is 102. Bitch.
I already had to practically scream "Excuse me" twice because bitch stopped in the aisle so she could talk on her cell phone. I'm sure she's the same way in her car.
Rant over.
I already had to practically scream "Excuse me" twice because bitch stopped in the aisle so she could talk on her cell phone. I'm sure she's the same way in her car.
Rant over.
Friday, October 1, 2010
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Thursday, September 30, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Poke
Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
So blog, we meet again...
I'm sure all 1 of my readers can tell I'm just not into this anymore. I'm not sure why-this used to be my go to place to empty my head and feel better. Now, with the way I've been feeling, it seems too....real. Like, if I write down what I'm feeling that will make it real and I will have to deal with it.
So who knows. I may keep it up, I may just take a big break, I may totally quit. Time will tell. But, to all 1 of you, thank you for reading. With any luck I'll find my random voice again and be able to empty my head as needed.
So who knows. I may keep it up, I may just take a big break, I may totally quit. Time will tell. But, to all 1 of you, thank you for reading. With any luck I'll find my random voice again and be able to empty my head as needed.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
The sads
For quite a while now I have had the same dream on repeat-one way or the other I am unable to get home, for various reasons, and need to call someone for help. I finally looked it up tonight-
"To dream that you cannot find your way home, indicates that you have lost faith and belief in yourself. It may also signify a major transition in your life. "
It makes me sad to realize that so much of myself was wrapped up in a stupid job I hated anyway.
"To dream that you cannot find your way home, indicates that you have lost faith and belief in yourself. It may also signify a major transition in your life. "
It makes me sad to realize that so much of myself was wrapped up in a stupid job I hated anyway.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Son of a bitch
Just realized it's 9/11. Why yes, I have been living under a rock, thanks for asking.
It's actually a quite heavy rock, weighed down with things such as "unemployment", "depression", and "am I a good parent?"
I'm bummed that I spaced this day and didn't take part in Project 2,996 like I did last year.
To all we lost, you will never be forgotten.
It's actually a quite heavy rock, weighed down with things such as "unemployment", "depression", and "am I a good parent?"
I'm bummed that I spaced this day and didn't take part in Project 2,996 like I did last year.
To all we lost, you will never be forgotten.
Say what?
So all week long I have had the phrase "vagina wags" in my head. I couldn't figure out where the hell I had heard such a thing. Lamebook? The Bloggess?
This morning I said to Hubbs "I have the phrase vagina wags stuck in my head and I can't figure out what the hell it's from."
"Don't you remember when we took our mini vacay to Winnemucca and we were drunk, walking back to the hotel, and we rearranged the sign advertising that night's band and meal special? All we could come up with was vagina wags."
Good times man. Good times.
This morning I said to Hubbs "I have the phrase vagina wags stuck in my head and I can't figure out what the hell it's from."
"Don't you remember when we took our mini vacay to Winnemucca and we were drunk, walking back to the hotel, and we rearranged the sign advertising that night's band and meal special? All we could come up with was vagina wags."
Good times man. Good times.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Heavy sigh....
There are no jobs in this town. None. If I'm lucky, I maybe find 1 a week that I'm qualified for. And no luck so far. I've never not been offered a job I've interviewed for, so this has been a little damaging to my self esteem. I'm trying very hard to embrace my inner housewife, but jesus. I want to work!
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My daughter-in-law's mother died. She was an awesome woman. She was a mother to my son, and she worked hard at keeping her family together. She had a talk with my son, regarding some anger he had towards me, and she told him "You need to grow up. Maybe your mom does too, but you need to grow up. Family is the most important thing, and you have to let go of past hurts." I have her to thank for my son wanting to build our relationship again. She will be missed.
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Youngest is still grounded. Mr. thinks he can smoke. But he won a scholarship to a weekend camp a while back, so he'll be gone this weekend. Give Hubbs and I a chance to spend some time together. Much needed time, I might add.
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Several years back, when I wasn't working, I kind of started flipping out. It culminated one day when I destroyed my house and tried to stab myself in the arm. Crazy bitch. Anyway, I felt myself slipping back into that kind of crazy. But once I decided to embrace my inner housewife, those feelings lessened. Make the best of my situation I suppose.
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And on that note, have a wonderful holiday weekend!
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My daughter-in-law's mother died. She was an awesome woman. She was a mother to my son, and she worked hard at keeping her family together. She had a talk with my son, regarding some anger he had towards me, and she told him "You need to grow up. Maybe your mom does too, but you need to grow up. Family is the most important thing, and you have to let go of past hurts." I have her to thank for my son wanting to build our relationship again. She will be missed.
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Youngest is still grounded. Mr. thinks he can smoke. But he won a scholarship to a weekend camp a while back, so he'll be gone this weekend. Give Hubbs and I a chance to spend some time together. Much needed time, I might add.
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Several years back, when I wasn't working, I kind of started flipping out. It culminated one day when I destroyed my house and tried to stab myself in the arm. Crazy bitch. Anyway, I felt myself slipping back into that kind of crazy. But once I decided to embrace my inner housewife, those feelings lessened. Make the best of my situation I suppose.
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And on that note, have a wonderful holiday weekend!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
So....
remember a few months ago when we took in one of Youngest's friends? Because she was left home alone, blah blah blah? Apparently not only is she the one who turned him on to smoking, she was also stealing from us. Lighters, cigarettes, etc... I had the urge to call her mom, but fuck it. Mom was the one who left her home alone for 2 months, will she really care or believe this new turn of events? It still breaks my heart though-I opened my home to you and you steal from me?
Youngest has been a full time smoker for several months now. As of today, him and I have both quit. And he's feeling it, as am I. But you know what? Even though he can't legally smoke, I feel like an asshole making him quit while I'm still smoking. So there you have it.
Hopefully there will be no blood shed in the next few days.
Youngest has been a full time smoker for several months now. As of today, him and I have both quit. And he's feeling it, as am I. But you know what? Even though he can't legally smoke, I feel like an asshole making him quit while I'm still smoking. So there you have it.
Hopefully there will be no blood shed in the next few days.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
What. The. Fuck.
So my brilliant child, in his infinite wisdom, had decided to smoke. He's 14.
I was smelling cigarette smoke in the house and I couldn't figure out why. I asked him, and he denied denied denied.
He went camping with friends yesterday, and after he left Hubbs called me and said there was a pack of cigarettes missing from his purchase the night before.
So I tossed his room. And what did I find? 2 empty packs of cigs, our missing white lighter, and his ashtray. Which is a metal coin bank that belonged to my dead mother. My dead mother!
I know kids do as we do and not as we say, but he has seen me struggle with quitting. What in the name of all that is holy would even make him think this was a good idea?
He'll be home this evening, and boy is he in for a big surprise. I already took his computer out of his room, and I'll be taking his cell phone as well. And of course, grounded until we decide he's not anymore. I'm not even giving him a time frame.
Silly fucker.
I know I shouldn't feel guilty, kids experiment, and even kids that have parents who don't smoke pick up the habit. But I do. I really, really do.
I was smelling cigarette smoke in the house and I couldn't figure out why. I asked him, and he denied denied denied.
He went camping with friends yesterday, and after he left Hubbs called me and said there was a pack of cigarettes missing from his purchase the night before.
So I tossed his room. And what did I find? 2 empty packs of cigs, our missing white lighter, and his ashtray. Which is a metal coin bank that belonged to my dead mother. My dead mother!
I know kids do as we do and not as we say, but he has seen me struggle with quitting. What in the name of all that is holy would even make him think this was a good idea?
He'll be home this evening, and boy is he in for a big surprise. I already took his computer out of his room, and I'll be taking his cell phone as well. And of course, grounded until we decide he's not anymore. I'm not even giving him a time frame.
Silly fucker.
I know I shouldn't feel guilty, kids experiment, and even kids that have parents who don't smoke pick up the habit. But I do. I really, really do.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
What the f?
My brother has been in a horrible accident. He wrecked his Harley and is currently in ICU with a collapsed lung, damage to his spleen, a broken collarbone, and a broken thumb. And of course, severe road rash.
Healthy thoughts please.
Healthy thoughts please.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Blah.
You think I'd be posting more with all this time on my hands.
I interviewed for 2 jobs-was told by one "Unfortunately we can't utilize the talent of all the applicants blah blah blah"
The second one, the one I really thought I nailed? Haven't heard a word. Not even a callback saying they hired someone else. I don't understand.
Hubbs says we'll be ok, cutting out drinking and him doing side jobs, until I do find a job. But COME ON. I am not a sit in the house all day kind of person. I want to work. I enjoy working. I enjoy contributing to the household budget.
Sadly, the job market here is FUCKED. I check the job postings every day, and there hasn't been shit.
So, BLAH.
I interviewed for 2 jobs-was told by one "Unfortunately we can't utilize the talent of all the applicants blah blah blah"
The second one, the one I really thought I nailed? Haven't heard a word. Not even a callback saying they hired someone else. I don't understand.
Hubbs says we'll be ok, cutting out drinking and him doing side jobs, until I do find a job. But COME ON. I am not a sit in the house all day kind of person. I want to work. I enjoy working. I enjoy contributing to the household budget.
Sadly, the job market here is FUCKED. I check the job postings every day, and there hasn't been shit.
So, BLAH.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Patience
is something I have very little of. I'm in the running for two jobs, which is good, but the waiting game is killing me! I want to know NOW. On the plus side, my house has never been cleaner.
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I'm very angry at the Catholic church. I'm not a fan of organized religion anyway, but this nonsense of comparing women in the clergy to be just as much of a crime as the sexual abuse of children is really fucking pissing me off.
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I've been cruising along the past several days not missing beer one bit. Then yesterday I had the crave bad. Might as well get it out of my system, right?
WRONG.
I feel like an asshole. Spending money on booze is a stupid thing to do. And I have a headache. But again, on the plus side, it made me realize how much I really wasn't missing it. So, back on track.
Besides, no longer working at a candy factory combined with not drinking and the weight is just melting off of me!
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I'm very angry at the Catholic church. I'm not a fan of organized religion anyway, but this nonsense of comparing women in the clergy to be just as much of a crime as the sexual abuse of children is really fucking pissing me off.
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I've been cruising along the past several days not missing beer one bit. Then yesterday I had the crave bad. Might as well get it out of my system, right?
WRONG.
I feel like an asshole. Spending money on booze is a stupid thing to do. And I have a headache. But again, on the plus side, it made me realize how much I really wasn't missing it. So, back on track.
Besides, no longer working at a candy factory combined with not drinking and the weight is just melting off of me!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
So, dont?
Saying I can't handle the stress of job security anymore really made me realize to just stop stressing over it. So I lose my job-so what? I've hated it here for a while, and who knows what windows of opportunity will open up for me?
So I'm over it. I'll just do what I can to keep myself occupied during the day, and keep my eyes peeled for other opportunities.
Feeling content in 3...2....
So I'm over it. I'll just do what I can to keep myself occupied during the day, and keep my eyes peeled for other opportunities.
Feeling content in 3...2....
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Just when you thought it was safe.....
There I was, cruising along with a deep feeling of happiness and contentment, when BOOM! It blows right up.
I totally can not handle the stress of wondering about my job anymore. I just can't. And I am constantly on the look out for a new job, and unless I want to take a cut in pay there is nothing. It's so frustrating. Do I abandon the ship before it sinks? Or stay loyal and hang in there until the last minute?
It doesn't help that there is an arrogant douchebag here that I'm pretty sure is stabbing me in the back at every moment. He took my work from me today, then an hour later when I DID MY JOB he acted like I was supposed to ask him permission or something.
It also doesn't help that Hubbs is home sick today so I am left alone with my own thoughts and to drive me insane.
I know we can and will handle whatever comes out way, but this anxiety is killing me.
I totally can not handle the stress of wondering about my job anymore. I just can't. And I am constantly on the look out for a new job, and unless I want to take a cut in pay there is nothing. It's so frustrating. Do I abandon the ship before it sinks? Or stay loyal and hang in there until the last minute?
It doesn't help that there is an arrogant douchebag here that I'm pretty sure is stabbing me in the back at every moment. He took my work from me today, then an hour later when I DID MY JOB he acted like I was supposed to ask him permission or something.
It also doesn't help that Hubbs is home sick today so I am left alone with my own thoughts and to drive me insane.
I know we can and will handle whatever comes out way, but this anxiety is killing me.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Therapy
is god damn amazing by the way. My therapist is on maternity leave right now, and I can't WAIT for her to get back so I can share my progress!
This past weekend, when going out with Youngest, I almost had a panic attack-once in the theater, and once on the way to the restaurant.
I used the techniques I've been taught, and presto! No panic attack. That's not to say I wasn't nervous and shaky but I was able to get myself under control enough to enjoy my day.
I also just got back from taking Youngest to the airport. Not only did I get him on his plane without crying and freaking out, I sat BY MYSELF until his plane took off. Then I walked BY MYSELF through the airport, to my car, and came back to work. In past years, not only would I start drinking somewhere during this drama, there is no way in hell I could have done it alone. Or gone back to work.
Pretty god damn proud of myself right now!
This past weekend, when going out with Youngest, I almost had a panic attack-once in the theater, and once on the way to the restaurant.
I used the techniques I've been taught, and presto! No panic attack. That's not to say I wasn't nervous and shaky but I was able to get myself under control enough to enjoy my day.
I also just got back from taking Youngest to the airport. Not only did I get him on his plane without crying and freaking out, I sat BY MYSELF until his plane took off. Then I walked BY MYSELF through the airport, to my car, and came back to work. In past years, not only would I start drinking somewhere during this drama, there is no way in hell I could have done it alone. Or gone back to work.
Pretty god damn proud of myself right now!
Happy!
I have been so damn happy lately. I spent the weekend with my family-making delicious food, going to the movies and lunch with Youngest, watching fireworks, etc... I must have looked at them about 100 times this weekend and said "I'm just so happy!"
Of course, that must come to a screeching halt.
I received a text this morning from someone very close to me-the wife is cheating.
I'm crushed! I really am. I don't know what to do or say to help. I love them both, and I'm trying not to be judgy, but what the fuck? I can't even wrap my brain around that level of disrespect.
Anyway, I'm going to try hard to keep my spirits up, but I really am very sad. It's such a helpless feeling too-there really is nothing I can do but be here for him. I can't even imagine the pain and heartbreak.
Stupid, stupid girl.
Of course, that must come to a screeching halt.
I received a text this morning from someone very close to me-the wife is cheating.
I'm crushed! I really am. I don't know what to do or say to help. I love them both, and I'm trying not to be judgy, but what the fuck? I can't even wrap my brain around that level of disrespect.
Anyway, I'm going to try hard to keep my spirits up, but I really am very sad. It's such a helpless feeling too-there really is nothing I can do but be here for him. I can't even imagine the pain and heartbreak.
Stupid, stupid girl.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Time to recharge
I have been fucking up in about 9 thousand kinds of ways lately, and my mental and physical health are both suffering. I need to recharge, and pay attention to what my mind and body need. Not want-need.
Wish me luck, self-awareness, and wisdom.
Wish me luck, self-awareness, and wisdom.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Ok, ASS.
Time to buck up and get my shit together. I've had the poor me's for too long now, and I'm over it.
I want to be lean and toned like I was last summer. I've gained 5 pounds, and I can really feel it. I've lost my workout/eat right mojo-but I figure if I just pretend I have it eventually it will come back to me. Fake it till you make it, right?
I want to not drink as much. Hmmm, how do I accomplish that? I know-drink less! I'm having a party Saturday that involves margaritas (which I actually wish I hadn't promised everyone now) but other than that, I don't see a lot of booze in my future. It damages my self esteem, it makes me feel fat, it increases my anxiety, and it makes me feel like a bad parent/wife/friend. And it costs money. Where is the fun in that?
I've been too depressed to do things I usually enjoy, like trim my rose bushes or give myself a pedicure. So last night I made myself trim the damn roses anyway, and this weekend I will be taking some time out for myself with things like a pedi and making some healthy foods I've been wanting to try.
Seriously, depression is a bad bad thing. You put off things you actually care about because you're too down in the dumps to give a shit, then it makes you feel worse about yourself for procrastinating.
Again, fake it till you make it!
I want to be lean and toned like I was last summer. I've gained 5 pounds, and I can really feel it. I've lost my workout/eat right mojo-but I figure if I just pretend I have it eventually it will come back to me. Fake it till you make it, right?
I want to not drink as much. Hmmm, how do I accomplish that? I know-drink less! I'm having a party Saturday that involves margaritas (which I actually wish I hadn't promised everyone now) but other than that, I don't see a lot of booze in my future. It damages my self esteem, it makes me feel fat, it increases my anxiety, and it makes me feel like a bad parent/wife/friend. And it costs money. Where is the fun in that?
I've been too depressed to do things I usually enjoy, like trim my rose bushes or give myself a pedicure. So last night I made myself trim the damn roses anyway, and this weekend I will be taking some time out for myself with things like a pedi and making some healthy foods I've been wanting to try.
Seriously, depression is a bad bad thing. You put off things you actually care about because you're too down in the dumps to give a shit, then it makes you feel worse about yourself for procrastinating.
Again, fake it till you make it!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Monday, I thought I would hate you less
I was really looking forward to starting this week off with a new attitude. Alas, those hopes were thrown to the floor and smashed with a hammer when I realized my face is swollen AGAIN, which makes this the 3rd god damned time this year my sinus has been infected. I have never had a sinus infection in my life, and suddenly I have 3 in less than 6 months? WHAT. THE. FUCK. Still trying to stay positive. I think I'll give the old Neti Pot a try. If I can do that without puking maybe I won't need antibiotics.
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Daughter was picked up Friday night. Still can't figure the mom out. Mentally ill? Drugs? I'm having her over for drinks Saturday, hopefully I can get some insight then.
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My therapist is now on maternity leave, so I'm on my own until October. This should be interesting.....
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Happy fucking Monday!
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Daughter was picked up Friday night. Still can't figure the mom out. Mentally ill? Drugs? I'm having her over for drinks Saturday, hopefully I can get some insight then.
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My therapist is now on maternity leave, so I'm on my own until October. This should be interesting.....
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Happy fucking Monday!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I'm depressed and I hate everything.
Slightly over dramatic, but still.
Daughter is going back to her mother this weekend. She does not want to go, not at all. She told us that her mother never wanted to be a parent before and she doesn't understand why she is trying now. She also told her mother that she wanted to stay, because we treat her like a real family.
I tried to explain that maybe her mom really does want to try, and she should at least give her a chance.
I honestly don't know what the hell is up with her mom. She wanted to pick the kids up Saturday night at 10:30 so they could help her "alphabetize the movies."
Ummm, what?
I asked her "Don't you think it would be better to let them get some sleep tonight then go help you tomorrow as originally planned?"
She flipped her SHIT. "That's my daughter and you can't tell me whether or not I can pick her up."
I said "That's not what I said, and of course I can't, I have no right to tell you that and I never would."
I did refuse to let Youngest go though, then it turned into a huge 2 day fight between daughter and her mother. And she never did pick them up, that night or the next day as she had planned.
Anyway, she has suddenly decided to take daughter back. I don't even know what to think about this woman, I really don't. Tweaker? Drunk? What?
Do you know she's never even been inside my house to see where her daughter lives? She's never once thanked me or offered to help with expenses these past few months? And what, she didn't care that the girl was home alone for 3 months, but now that somebody cares about her and is providing a safe stable environment she takes her back?
All I can do is always be here for her. I told her she can come over anytime she wants, and we will always love her.
I will miss her very much.
Daughter is going back to her mother this weekend. She does not want to go, not at all. She told us that her mother never wanted to be a parent before and she doesn't understand why she is trying now. She also told her mother that she wanted to stay, because we treat her like a real family.
I tried to explain that maybe her mom really does want to try, and she should at least give her a chance.
I honestly don't know what the hell is up with her mom. She wanted to pick the kids up Saturday night at 10:30 so they could help her "alphabetize the movies."
Ummm, what?
I asked her "Don't you think it would be better to let them get some sleep tonight then go help you tomorrow as originally planned?"
She flipped her SHIT. "That's my daughter and you can't tell me whether or not I can pick her up."
I said "That's not what I said, and of course I can't, I have no right to tell you that and I never would."
I did refuse to let Youngest go though, then it turned into a huge 2 day fight between daughter and her mother. And she never did pick them up, that night or the next day as she had planned.
Anyway, she has suddenly decided to take daughter back. I don't even know what to think about this woman, I really don't. Tweaker? Drunk? What?
Do you know she's never even been inside my house to see where her daughter lives? She's never once thanked me or offered to help with expenses these past few months? And what, she didn't care that the girl was home alone for 3 months, but now that somebody cares about her and is providing a safe stable environment she takes her back?
All I can do is always be here for her. I told her she can come over anytime she wants, and we will always love her.
I will miss her very much.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
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