Book Review

more than it hurts you by Darin Strauss

This book was frightening. It's about a mother accused of Munchausen by proxy-intentionally hurting her own child. It freaked me out, but it was a very good read. I could hardly put it down.

Knowing the back story, you will be appalled at how the (black) doctor gets treated. I don't know if racism like that still happens, but what a sad world we live in if it does.

Proud Of The Boy

Youngest had his friends over 2 days in a row. They had lunch, washed daddies truck, and apparently had a popcorn fight.

Nothing too bad seems to have happened. I have a hard time trusting people in general, and it's very hard for me to trust my kid remembering what I was like. It's a learning experience for the both of us. But I think we are both doing well, and hopefully will continue to do so.

Go us!

Bigger And Better Things

Hubbs got a new job. Slightly more money, more room for advancement, etc.....

I'm so proud of him! It's a very scary thing-he has been with his current employer for 12 years. But he is under appreciated, and there is no room for advancement. I think he's made a wise decision.

Yippee!

I've Had Enough Grandchildren So Far

Today, Youngest is having a friend over to our house for the first time without adult supervision(that we can prove). A female friend.

I've told him all sorts of scary things, like sex kills, causes sores on your private parts, and makes babies. (parenting by fear)

I've also told him that if blows this, the wrath of his parents will be something he has never experienced. He will live in complete boredom and disgrace for the rest of his days. I will beat him in the kneecaps with his cell phone and light his computer on fire. I will put him in.........daycare.

The funny thing is, I'm more afraid of my house getting broken or my cats getting out than I am of him doing something he shouldn't.

I really want him to have more freedom, and it's hard for me because 1. I was a terrible child and 2. I have seen the horrific things that happen to children in this world. (reasons for #1-see #2)

At least this way he is home safe, I can call and check up on him, I can actually drop by at any time. I'm sure it will be fine.

Right?

Oh Happy Day

The Sneeze is back after what seemed like an eternally long hiatus. Check him out here-thesneeze.com

I highly recommend the "Please Steve don't eat it" section.

Book Review

Cost by Roxana Robinson.

The story of the most non-communicative, repressed, closed up family I have ever read, and the realization, and repercussions, when they find out one of the boys is a heroin addict.

Very sad, but well written. I read the entire thing, start to finish, in one day. I was rooting for Katherine.

I don't know if it's an age thing, but I have noticed if I don't love a book, I will not finish it. I used to feel the need to finish every book I started, no matter how much I hated it. Now I don't want to waste my time, even if I am dying to know how it turns out. It's like screw it-I have better things to do.

This book, obviously, did not fall in to that category.

Mouth

Someday I'm going to get fired. I've just been told that everyone likes the spunky Lula better, as opposed to the sad, beat down, (read-hungover) Lula.

But, that probably doesn't mean I'm allowed to openly scorn ideas which I think are lame. I can't help it-it just flew out of my mouth. I wish I could share with you, lovely interweb, what the idea was. But that would be giving away too much information. But trust me. If I said "Interweb, would you be interested in buying this blah blah blah?" you would laugh and kick me in the shin.

Then again, I don't think like the normal American. So I'm probably totally wrong.

So True

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.

-Jean de La Bruyère

He's Home

Youngest is home. I cried when we picked him up at the airport. It was such a relief to have him home and safe. I hadn't realized just how much this past week has been weighing on me.

Hubbs and I are committed to not drinking during the week, (again, I know. But you can't stop trying) and doing more family activities. Frisbee, bike riding, whatever. Youngest may balk-he's at the age where parents are stupid-but too bad. I want to be a better influence and a better parent.

And I will not let the honeymoon be over.

I've Been Told!

An anonymous commenter pointed out that I shouldn't be judgmental of overweight people because I suffered an eating disorder and obesity is the same thing. I had never thought of it that way, so I used my mad Google skills, and found this. Which basically says obesity is caused by overeating, not enough activity, genes, medications, etc... (of course, it's the first link I clicked on, and I stopped my investigating. I'm sure there are a million different opinions.)

No where does it say it is an eating disorder. Then I started thinking a bit more, and I realized that the difference between obesity and anorexia is one of control. One person has EXTREME amounts of self control, the other one-none. Then I thought, maybe I snark on obese people because lack of self control is a weakness. Then I thought, "Well look who's calling the kettle drunk, ya alcky!"

Bottom line-I'm judgmental. I hate people. And I'm going to Hell, if such a place even exists. Hence the name of this blog.

You Know I Love You Baby

"And I know you love me too. But the fun that day, didn't start until-we left on our honeymoon."

Sorry, I have Everclear stuck in my head.

Youngest is flying in Saturday afternoon, so since our honeymoon got cut a little short, hubbs and I have decided to take Friday off of work. But the final fun will start tonight, which I won't detail because I believe I have relatives reading this blog.

Tomorrow morning we are going shopping (I've lost so much weight my clothes are falling off of me) (by the way world, I am very proud of myself for losing all this weight in a healthy, legal way. Drugs bad. Chicken breast good.)-and after shopping we are going to use the $100.00 gift certificate a friend gave us and go out for sushi. Then we will come home, and do some more of the things that married people do, then wake up tomorrow refreshed, relaxed, and ready to spend time with the young one.

This mini honeymoon has been very good for us. I think we have only argued twice, and both times alcohol was involved so I don't put a lot of importance on those. Youngest is old enough to entertain himself, but it was nice to not worry about dinners and activities and the who the hell is the kid talking to now?

I promised I would work hard on keeping the current mood going-of course the whole atmosphere in the house changes when Youngest is around, but I do understand the importance of spending quality alone time with hubbs. So we shall see.

I can't WAIT until tomorrow!

Stress Level, Defcon 1 AGAIN

I received a bill from my dentist yesterday for my bridge for $3300.00. Apparently neither of my insurance companies will cover it due to a "pre extraction clause". So much for pre-approval.

When I call, when they ask me how I'm going to pay for it,I think I'm going to copy what my son told his latest bill collector.

"I don't know, I've been told that I have a pretty sweet ass, so I was thinking about maybe putting that to work"

Isn't the current state of our country wonderful?

Stress Level, Defcon 3

It's lower, but not back to normal.

Youngest's other family is going to fly him home this weekend. God only knows the price of that ticket. Well, actually I do, it's about $375.00. I told them I would pay them back, but it is going to have to be payments. I just don't have that kind of money.

Cousin does agree with the fact that Youngest needs a non stop flight, or at least a flight where he doesn't change planes. But still, I would rather be the one making the travel plans.

Honeymoon is now ending 3 weeks sooner than we expected. We wanted to camp one more time, and have a date night (which we are going to try to sneak in Friday-I have a gift card to an excellent seafood restaurant).

I just don't like change, and feeling helpless. But I'm sure it will all work out.

Right?

Stress Level-Defcon 1

Arrgh!

Youngest kid is back east visiting Grandma. Grandma is not doing well at all-she went back in to the hospital yesterday after just getting released after a fall that broke her ribs and punctured her lung.

Before she went in yesterday, kid called and said he needs to come home soon. I asked Grandma when, and she said "As soon as possible". At first kid stayed to help take care of Grams, but she is going downhill fast-something none of us expected. She is staying in the hospital until they can find a nursing home to place her in.

The problem? I am broke. Like, $50.00 in the bank-credit cards maxed out broke. The only plane ticket I can afford is $187.00 dollars, but I can't afford to buy that until Friday, and it will still be 7 days after that before he flies home.

His cousin drove up to check out the situation, and he did say "Don't worry, we will handle it, everything will be fine."

I just feel so helpless, 3000 miles away and unable to just jump in my car and get my kid. And I feel like a loser for not being able to just buy the frickin ticket right now.

Grrr.........

Stupid fucking Mondays.

Proof The Honeymoon Is Not Over

Me: My back hurts.

Work Friend: Probably because you spend so much time on it. Ooh, wicked burn!

Me: I'm married. But that was still hilarious. And true.

Whirlwind Romance

My step dad is getting married August 11. How do I know? My sister in law asked me on the phone last night if I was going to his wedding. He hasn't even called me, I had no idea.

Apparently I'm a little unapproachable. I told him when I was there picking up my mom's stuff that I wasn't mad, it just felt weird. I'm pretty hurt that he couldn't call me and tell me himself.

Whatever. All I know is, if he got rid of that lame ass astrology plate I made for my mom when I was in foster care, I will be pissed. I want to go pick it, and whatever else, up RIGHT NOW.

I know it's really none of my business, but I knew this was coming when he asked me if I wanted my mom's ashes. He should have been honest from the start.

I know my mom doesn't care-she is dead, after all. But for some reason, I do. I care a lot.

I'll get over it.

Book Review

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen.

A great story about a man in his 90's and his early years with the circus and the things he did to save the people he loved. I had to skip a few parts regarding the animals getting hurt, but really an excellent book.

Loving Me For Me

As if it were that easy. I have serious self esteem issues, as well as serious body image issues. I have people telling me I'm too thin, but I just don't see it. After losing 20 pounds, all I see is the fat that remains on my hips and thighs.

After losing 20 pounds, I have also realized that I am INCREDIBLY flat chested when I am thin. So much so, that I had planned on getting my breasts done this year. I mean, I was committed to doing it. All I could think about was what size would I get, and all the new clothes and bathing suits I would buy.

Then I thought, "Lula, what the FUCK is wrong with you?"

I am almost 40 years old, and have nursed two children. My breasts are bigger than Kate Hudson's, and she's ....cute. Not beautiful, but cute. I'm sure there are beautiful flat chested women out there. Oh wait, there's one now. ME.

I refuse to feed in to society's idea of beauty. I refuse to insert foreign objects in to my body to fill out a bikini better. I refuse to spend $5000.00 on vanity when in this economy, I'm lucky I have a job. I refuse to try to figure out where the hell I was going to get $5000.00 in the first place when I can't even afford to buy the types of groceries I want. (Swordfish steaks, anyone?)

I promise to try to accept myself, flaws and all. I promise to try to see myself as I actually look.

I promise, I will never get a boob job.

Let Me Count The Ways

Why do I love my husband? I was asked this question last night, and it was nice to list my reasons instead of saying "I don't know. I just do."

Wow. I'm like a grown up.

1. He is sexy
2. He is intelligent.
3. He always thinks of me first, even if I sometimes forget to do the same for him.
4. He is kind. (That's a secret, don't let it get out.)
5. He is patient.
6. He will do anything to make me happy, even if it means saying no.
7. He will beat the hell out of anyone who hurts me.
8. He loves my children.
9. He instills good values in my youngest child. (Whether Youngest likes it or not)
10. He doesn't hit.
11. He wakes me up with a smile every morning. (and a cup of hot tea)
12. He supports me in all I do, no matter how silly it may be.
13. He loves me as I am, and encourages me to do the same.
14. He understands my fears, and helps to alleviate them.
15. He lets me talk to him about things that may be upsetting for him to hear, because sometimes I have to get it out.
16. He holds me when I cry.
17. He makes me soup when I'm sick.
18. He can be really funny, when he lets his guard down.
19. He lets me nag him about his health, and considers my position.
20. He reads.

It's Friday

And I'm going out for sushi for lunch with Work Friend. Very excited-I haven't had good sushi in years. And I love Work Friend! What an excellent Friday.

Tomorrow Husband and I are helping Work Friend move in to her new house. (At some point she have to have a different nickname) I am very excited for her-buying your first house is an awesome experience.

Happy Friday!

Sometimes, Lula

I just don't think. I started reading a book, Ghost Girl, about a therapist who helped a little girl with elective mutism after suffering years of sexual abuse. What the hell was I thinking? I realized last night, I can't read this book. It's too upsetting.

Dumbass.

Sick, Sick Sense Of Humor

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Book Review

The Half Mammals of Dixie by George Singleton.

This book made me laugh out loud. Full of short stories centering around the people of Forty Five, South Carolina, they are all quirky and weird, just the kind of people I like!

Highly recommended reading.

We're Home!

Camping was awesome. I love getting away from the heat and hassle of the city. I did well on not overeating and drinking-I actually lost 2 pounds! And I think a few days away was exactly what my husband and I needed.

I remember camping once with my niece-she must have been about 4. We were laying in the tent, watching the trees through the little window, when I said "Isn't it beautiful? It's like TV" and she said "Yes. Can we change the channel now?"

Happy Wednesday!

Happy Happy

Very busy couple of days, preparing for our camping trip. I may or may not have time to blog.

Have a wonderful holiday!

Book Review

Gossip of the Starlings by Nina de Gramont.

Predictable.

Another Reason Why I'm Going To Hell

We shopped at Wal-Mart last night. Not only was it after work, but it was the 1st. The frickin place was packed with very yucky people, it was HORRIBLE.

Since I've decided to (successfully) change our eating habits, I've noticed that I have become quite judgmental. I was looking at all the obese people, then sneaking peeks inside their carts, and I thought "Well no wonder you're fat."

Supposedly all the crap food is cheaper than the healthy stuff, but my husband and I found that to be false. When we stopped buying processed food we actually saved money on our grocery bill. I can't afford a lot of the exotic things I would like to be trying, but we eat healthy and keep our weight down on the same amount of money we used to spend. Which leads me to believe that everyone is just lazy and not trying hard enough. Which then makes me think, why is it any of my business?

I'll tell you why. If you choose to be obese, you should not be allowed to wear mini skirts and midriff baring tops. Ewwww.

And if you need a motorized cart to get around the store because you are too fat to walk, maybe you should be walking anyway.

I know. I'm a horrible person. Hence the name of this blog.

Alcohol Chronicles, Day 4

Now I remember why I drink. Between the nightmares and laying in bed at night being bombarded by horrible thoughts and memories, it's no wonder I was drunk all the time.

Alcohol Chronicles, Day 3

So far, so good. No one has died yet, AND we're still married!

The biggest test of all-we have to shop at Wal-Mart tonight for our camping supplies. After work. When every other white trash (I can say that, my family is from West Virginia) bargain hunter in town is there with their 1800 kids.

Ugh.