Self Aware?

About 2 weeks ago, I went into this binge period of eating, drinking, and smoking. Add a little depression to the mix, and things have been a little unbalanced in my head.

I could not figure out why I had no self control. It was freaking me out because after losing 20 pounds, any weight gain makes me feel like I'm going to gain it all back.

The other night, Hubbs lay next to me on the bed and asked what was going on with me.

"I don't know, I'm fine."

"You've been this way for 2 weeks. Maybe it's time to talk to me."

"I will if I need to."

The next morning, I realized that 2 weeks ago was when he put in his 2 week notice. So maybe me wanting to eat constantly was a reaction to that. I have serious food hoarding issues (Work Friend thinks it's because I was raised Mormon, I think it's because we were poor). If I have less than 5 pounds of frozen chicken breasts in the freezer, I freak. If I can see the shelves in the refrigerator, I panic.

Once I realized that was the issue, I calmed down. I did not overeat yesterday, I only had 4 cigarettes, and I had no alcohol.

Gluttony, thy name is childhood trauma.