Crazy Cat Lady Chronicles

Hubbs and I have had several long cats (I just typed cats instead of talk, it's a typo and I'm leaving it) about Newman, and how far we'll go with this, and what the best thing to do is.

We are not wealthy people, and even if we were, there is a limit to what I am willing to do to keep a cat alive. I hear of people who put their cats on chemo, and feed them through feeding tubes in their necks, and I'm sorry but even to me that seems a little excessive. If I thought Newman was miserable I would put him down in a minute.

I spoke with our Vet today, and he said several things.

1. It is very possible that it is just old age. He is an old cat.

2. It could be something as simple as a bladder infection.

3. It could be a tumor, or some other life threatening problem.

4. If my cat was in pain, I would know it.

Here's what we're going to do. I'm taking him in tomorrow for a urine test. If he has an infection, we will put him on antibiotics, and problem solved. If he doesn't have a bladder infection, that means it's either just old age or something that is going to be painful and drawn out. Which means I will keep him comfortable for as long as I can, then I'm going to have to let him go.

I'm very, very sad over this turn of events. I love that goddamn cat so much, my heart literally hurts just thinking of him suffering, or dying. He has had a wonderful life with us, and we're very lucky we have had him for as long as we had.

I'll either be a complete basket case tomorrow, or I will be able to just get my cat some meds and go on with my life. I don't think that's the case, but we'll see. I'm quite positive it's old age, and I better just be prepared.

I'm also trying to separate the connection between my mother and the cat in my head. All this talk of dying, and sickness, and keeping him comfortable is bringing back all the stuff I went through when my mother was dying. That, and the fact that Mom and Newman were buds-she fed him for years until I brought him in to my home. It feels like my last connection with my mother, and I'm not ready to let it go, no matter how silly it may be.