I'm feeling better. Not 100%, but much better.
I'm not really clear on what left me feeling so hopeless. It was bad there for a minute. I considered going to the hospital Monday before I decided to just start talking to myself to get out of it. I have identified two things that were bothering me, but I think the real problem is that little voice in my head.
My weekend didn't end like I wanted it too, with family movie day. Youngest was at my brother's, and by the time he got home and we had dinner, we discovered the DVD we were going to watch didn't work. I didn't have a bad day, it just didn't go as planned.
I'm also feeling completely overwhelmed at work. I have a report due on January 30, and another one due this Friday. So I get the voice in my head telling me it's too hard, I'm not smart enough, I'm just going to fail anyway, I'll lose my job, my house, and everything I love-on and on and on. It's horrible, it really is. Sometimes it's like my brain is on this endless loop of replaying every dumb thing I've ever done and I just can't shut it up.
I'm feeling a bit more confident today, though I had a bad night last night. Listened to the voice until about 11pm before I finally took a Xanax so I could sleep.
I'm just going to continue doing the things that are expected of me, keep trying to silence the voice, and try REALLY hard not to shut down completely.