Thursday, January 1, 2009

Opinion Please

This has been weighing heavily on Hubbs and I for a while-I'll try to not be too long winded, and I'd love your opinion if you'd care to share.

We are friends with a couple, let's call them Jack and Jill. We were best friends, spent every weekend together, helped each other move, and Jill really helped me when my mother died.

They moved to California, which made me cry my eyes out, then came back about a year later. During that time, Jill had an emotional affair with her boss, which technically I shouldn't know about, because Jack shared it with Hubbs and swore him to secrecy.

Anyway, when they came back and we started spending time together again, we noticed several things that just didn't sit right with us. For example, they have this weird dynamic in their relationship where they say things to each other like "Well, if you weren't such a fucking idiot XYZ never would have happened." I can't even imagine speaking to my husband like that. And if he said that to me? Let's just say it wouldn't end well.

Now it's none of my business how married people treat each other, but I can't help but look at them differently now.

Then I realized that every time we spent time with them, Jill made some comment that made me feel bad about myself. For example, when I was 20 pounds heavier and I complimented her on a new bathing suit, she said "Yeah, too bad it doesn't come in a large."

We ended up having a huge argument over Hubbs' unwillingness to loan Jack a tool (Jack does not have a good track record-you loan him something and you get it back broken, 3 weeks later). We pay good money for our things, and we care about them. Why would we loan something to someone who breaks stuff? Jack was completely bent out of shape, said mean things to Hubbs, which led to me calling Jack back and flipping my noodle. I believe one of the things I said was "No one is allowed to make my husband feel bad but me! How dare you! Don't you EVER talk to him that way again!" I know I'm slightly crazy, but do you get my point?

So now, we are somewhat on speaking terms again-we visited them the other night, and they called last night and wanted to get together. We just don't have it in us to get too close to them again. They are not bad people, not at all, there just seems to be so much drama surrounding it all. And we're kind of feeling like bad people for not taking the friendship back to the level it was before.

Am I a bitch, or am I right to distance myself from them?


wirecutter said...

Let 'em go. It obviously bothers you and will continue to do so. If you keep hanging around them, either Jack or Jill will do something that'll really piss you off and you or Hubbs may do something that will be regretted.
Face it, people change and usually not for the good and it's always more noticeable when they've been away for a while.
It's not worth the heartache.

Ramon said...

Likewise. Unfortunately, if they do not have respect for each other they can not respect any one (or anything) else. Do not put yourself in a position that will compromise your own relationship.

LulaBelle said...

Both very good points, thank you. It helps to get an outside opinion. I've already been ashamed at my behavior the way I screamed at Jack like a banshee.

And you're right Ramon, they obviously have no respect for each other.

Miyonao said...

You're doing the right thing. If just for the impolite things they say, I wouldn't say so(because I say things I didn't mean that make people uncomfortable from time to time too). But it seems a lot more than that with them.

LulaBelle said...

Thanks Miyonao. It helps to hear that it's not just me.

Nikki Simmons said...

God, I hate it when adults ahve playground fights. I 've been there and I'm a major grudge holder. You did good.

LulaBelle said...

Thanks Nikki!