This writing thing is so much harder then I thought. It was one thing to sit down and pour out my heart and get the original story on paper-but going back and proof reading it is killing me. I'm totally in the midst of a post traumatic stress disorder attack right now. My hands are shaking and I'm just appalled at the things that went on in my house, the things no child should EVER have to endure. This could end up being a very long process. I don't know if I should just do it all now and get it over with or take it slow. I do believe our minds and bodies tell us when we have had enough, so I guess that's my clue to stop for now.
I want to be strong enough to share my story,I want it out of my head, and it would be great if it helped just one child to know "Look, this is what went on, but I'm ok now. I'm living a happy, productive life and you can too."
I need a beer.
P.S. And I hate that, I hate that my first response to discomfort is alcohol. And I hate that revisiting these events turns on that stupid little voice in my head-"You're not good enough, you're not smart enough, why are you even trying, no one cares, blah blah blah." Today is a nice family day, I need to get over myself. What do normal people do with feelings like these? Pills? Church? What is it? I really don't get it.
I swear, leave me alone for 5 minutes and I'll ruin my own damn day.