Saturday, April 4, 2009

So I said to myself, self!

Dear Lula's brain,

I understand your desire to wallow in your emotions-I really do. I understand you had a fucked up childhood where all negative emotions were kept under wraps, and you were never taught the proper way to deal with your grief, sadness, depression, etc.... I even understand your intense emotional tie to a cat who you feel is the last link to your dead mother. But you know what? There comes a time when you have to let it go. As hard as it is, you have to make yourself function in your daily life. Shopping, laundry, working out-you've done all those things today, and you have done them swimmingly well. But the time has come to move on. It means no disrespect to the memory of your mother or your cat-it just means you have to live your life with a feeling other than soul sucking sadness.

I know it's hard, and I know your instinct is to either get completely drunk and obliterated, or hide your head under the covers and refuse to come out. But if you look around, and look inside yourself, you will realize several things.

You helped your mother, and your cat, die with dignity, love, and respect.

You have a beautiful life.

You are a beautiful person.

You are so deeply loved.

So, Lula's brain, you are allowed the occasional moment of sadness. You are not, however, allowed to isolate yourself from the ones you love, and do crazy things like burn holes in your flesh or drink so much you don't remember just what it was you did the night before.

In exchange, I promise I will remind you on a daily basis just how blessed you are. You're healthy, you're loved, and if I do say so myself, you look fabulous.




Anonymous said...

That was beautiful Lula. I was sorry to hear about your cat. My cat died this past year too and I didn't want to think about it. I had him 15 years. I think it is understandable to be upset if your cat connected you to your mom. My mom is my best friend and I don't know what I am going to do if she passes away.

Its good to write it out.

Lula said...

Thanks Red. I'm sorry about your kitty too. It's like losing a member of the family.