I can no longer live with this cycle of depression-blah-mania. I'm exhausted. Exhausted from 30 years of fighting to be normal. Exhausted from letting my moods run my life. Exhausted from not being HERE, connected to my family and friends, and life in general. Exhausted from talking myself out of hurting myself or just disappearing altogether.
I'm going back to therapy. I have to. I literally can not do this anymore, and the only thing that is keeping me going is the hope that therapy will help me. I refuse to take any of the mood stabilizers/anti-depressants. I've tried nearly every one of them, and the side effects are worse than the mood swings. But I've read some positive things about behavioral therapy that I'd like to try. I have a therapist, I saw her quite often for about 3 years. But I never got really serious, I just basically went in, said "I'm doing better!" got my Xanax, and left.
It's time to get serious. My life is at stake. I want to be happy. Not even happy, I want to be NORMAL.
I've also read some good things about Chromium for treating depression-and carb cravings, oddly enough. So I'm trying that and hoping to get some relief. I'll keep you updated to how it works.