Tuesday, October 14, 2008


I feel slightly better today. I still feel like there is a cloud of gloom over my head, and everything around me-actually including me-seems fake and scripted. Does that make sense? I look around at everyone and it seems like the same old thing-the same lame jokes at the same time in the conversation, etc…. It’s like Groundhog Day.

I do not feel like hurting myself, but I do feel like staying in bed all day. The first words out of my mouth this morning were “Don’t wake me up-I’m not going.” Then I started reminding myself how lucky I was I had a job, and how I used to be excited when I had a ton of work to do because it made the day go by faster.

I tend to forget how crippling depression can be-I spend the majority of my time anxious or manic. I know there are some people who feel like this every day of their lives, and it requires daily medication just to be where I am today. So I’m lucky in that respect-I haven’t felt this bad in years, thank goodness.

I’m also lucky to have people around me that I can talk to about this, or not talk at all and it’s ok. Little Wing even brought me in an all natural anti-anxiety medication-and I swear it made me feel a bit better.

I’m hanging in there, I’m counting my blessings, and I’m taking it a moment at a time.

What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner. ~ Colette


Red said...

Hang in there Lulubelle. It will pass. I have been struggling with depression too the past couple of days. I tend to withdraw into a little cocoon and not want to come out. I am going to start looking for a job which I dread. But the truth is I was doing better too with a set routine. I am living with my parents. My dad is retired and I have to listen to him yelling at the tv all day long about politics. Good god. I have to get out of here. Take Care. I hope you are feeling better.

Miyonao said...

You're doing the right thing, to keep showing up at work. If you stay at home, you'll feel even worse. We all know it.

I'm not worried. I know with your husband and your friend's support, you'll be okay soon.

LulaBelle said...

Thank you both-I am feeling even better today-less disconnected from the world.

The support of everyone helps, you two included. Thank you.