My mood is all over the place today. From anger and depression to hope and anticipation, I'm feeling it all.
I wonder sometimes how much of me is normal, and how much is "mental illness". There are times when I think that every doctor I've ever spoken to has no idea what they are talking about-I'm fine, just ask me.
Then I remember the times when I couldn't get out of bed because I was so depressed, or stabbed myself with a kitchen knife and I think "Oh yeah. I'm a little wacky."
In general, I think I'm doing ok. My emotions haven't been running my life lately, and I'm doing much better with things like shopping alone or talking on the telephone. (Not always, but hey-baby steps)
I really think the big turn around in my life happened when I met my husband, and then found a decent job. Happy at home, happy at work-it makes everything else so much easier to deal with.
When I look back on my life, I feel very lucky to not only be alive, but a functioning, productive member of society. If you would have known me 10 years ago you would have seen me for the lost cause I was.
I heard something the other day about someone I know, and all I could think was "Really? At his age?" I'm glad I was finally able to pull my head out of my ass. And I'm very glad my mother was still alive to see it.