Old Woman

I am now convinced it will only be a matter of moments before I am dead. I have found several gray hairs in the past week, and now I need 2 pairs of glasses. Or bifocals. Whichever makes me feel older, I suppose. When I tried on my new glasses, I said “Something isn’t right. Check the prescription please.” Which of course matched the prescription I was given. “But I can’t see that sign over there, and with my old ones I could see (slightly) far away AND (slightly) close up.”

My new glasses are readers. To be used to read. Not walk, drive, or talk to the person 5 feet in front of me. To read and work on the computer ONLY.

Apparently, my last pair were distance glasses, which is why I could see a little bit better when on the computer as opposed to not wearing them at all.

Since I can’t walk with them on, I see a variety of irritating things in my future.

1. I forget to leave them on my desk, which means I take them off wherever I am. Which means I will lose them soon.
2. I carry them to my destination since I forgot to leave them on my desk, and when I get to, let's say the bathroom, I realize I either have to put them on or set them down on the counter in a public bathroom that hardly gets cleaned. Hmmmm, should I put them on and risk walking in to the wall, or set them down and get E. coli of the face?
3. I carry them everywhere I go, and since I get excitable and talk with my hands, they will at some point, either hit someone in the face, or bounce off a wall.

Or, best of all, Hubbs’ suggestion.

4. Get an old lady chain.

Funny how I went from an object of desire for a 16 year old boy to a bifocal needing, granny chain wearing old bat in less than a week.

I cried to Hubbs “It’s not fair! I’m not ready to get old! Why don’t you need glasses, you’re older than I am!”

His answer? “It’s all the glaucoma medicine I smoked”

Nice.

P.S. My ass looks GREAT in my new jeans. Thanks Work Friend who needs a new nickname, and will get one as soon as I can come up with one or two words that do you justice!